flsgirl Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 I have a question for everyone. At what point in the relationship do you go from seeing each other to being boyfriend/girlfriend? I've been seeing someone since the beginning of November and we see each other a couple times a week and talk on the phone everyday. I even sleep at his house. I know that he's not seeing anyone else because he works all the time and on his time off we try to see each other. I'm still not sure if he wants to just see me (there's always that ambiguity and I learning how to trust men again so I'm being extra careful). I have heard him drop the "girlfriend" word in casual conversation (mostly joking around). I guess in my mind, he's not my boyfriend because we actually haven't come out and talked about it. I don't assume anything. I like this guy a lot, we have a great time together, but he definitely has some lifestyle choices that I don't agree with. So I'm not exactly sure if I can accept some of his behaviors (raging pothead). I've asked my friends about it and they say they definitely consider him my boyfriend. Is there some unwritten rule that I don't know about? I'm wondering what constitutes a boyfriend?
iceisles Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 While there is nothing written in stone about this, I don't think you are technically "together" until you've talked about it. Nobody has to formally ask the other out, but this is something that should be brought up in a conversation. Outside of some of his behaviors, it sounds like you like him a lot. Why not hint around and see what he thinks? If he's dropped the "girlfriend" word here and there, he is probably thinking about it, too. Good luck and keep us updated!
blind_otter Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 Just talk about it. I fooled around with some other guy about 3 weeks after I started seeing my exhusband. He found out months later and got his panties in a wad (hahaha, reference to "panties for him" thread) - because according to him we were bf/gf, and according to me we hadn't had to talk, so I thought I was free to fool around. Better to clarify things, once you start to question them.
Merin Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 Wise Girl to NOT assume anything.. Best way to understand where you're both at in the relationship.. ask! Don't make it all wierd.. just ask him straight up IF he is seeing anyone else.. IF he wants to see anyone else.. and make the determination that he doesn't want you with anyone else either.. Good Luck
ktsweets Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 YES you definately have to talk to him about whether or not you two are exclusive, otherwise, you are both free to do as you please with anyone else - even if just on a technicality! I'm not saying either of you would, but it's better not to take that chance. Plus, you can take this as a good opportunity to find out what he really thinks about the two of you and where your relationship is headed. Tell him you have something on your mind that you'd like to talk to him about. Tell him that you care about him & don't want to see anyone else, and you feel like the two of you are exclusive, but you aren't sure because you have never talked about this. Then let him take it from there. If he does care about you, then he'll be thinking the same thing (which it sounds like he is) and he'll be totally ready to talk about this. My boyfriend was the same way too - his friends kept saying to him "oh you have such a great girlfriend", but he never said anything to me until I was like "hey are we together or not?" He was sooo happy I brought it up, and couldn't stop calling me "girlfriend" the rest of the night Some guys just need that kick in their pants. On the other hand, you also have to prepare yourself that he might act all weird and says he isn't sure/or doesn't want too be in a relationship right now - it would hurt, but it's something you need to know (whether you want to or not)! Alright, sorry for that Worst Case Scenario - it does sound like you and your guy are on the right track. Now you just need to figure out whether the train is going anywhere or not. Good luck!
dub03 Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 Without question talk to him... tell him what you want and ask if he wants the same. If he does great! If he doesn't then I'm sorry, but at least you'll know, and not always be wondering what is going on. My bet is he feels the same way, atleast from how you described it.
Author flsgirl Posted January 7, 2005 Author Posted January 7, 2005 So I guess I answered my own question last night about this "girlfriend" thing. While lying in bed, he was telling me about how he described me to his friends (he just moved here a couple months ago). I asked him how he referred to me when people asked who I was. He kinda laughed and said that was a good question. He said he calls me "the girl I've been seeing." So there it is. He doesn't consider me his girlfriend. I guess we're on the same page. The more and more I spend time with him, the more I realize that we are completely different people. I still really like and am really fascinated by him. I love spending time with him and we have a lot of lust for each other. I'm not so sure if this is a good thing. I have some serious trust issues with men and even though I'm starting to get attached to this one, I don't trust him at all. Knowing some of his past, I feel like there's a lot he's not telling me. He claims he's not seeing anyone else, but I don't know if that's because he's content with me or because nobody better has come along. I haven't gained the courage to ask him that one. Even if he said he's content with me, I'm not sure I'd believe it. He has a bit of a track record. Yeah I know, I need to cut this guy some slack. I just CAN'T get hurt again. I just got out of a really serious relationship a year and a half ago and then was used by another guy. I HONESTLY HATE DATING!! How do people do this? What's a girl to do when you think the relationship isn't going to go anywhere, but yet you love being with the person and the sex is great? I'm not sure I can do this whole sex-without-true-feelings thing. I tried it once before and got seriously burned when I realized that he was also sleeping with other people and didn't tell me. I guess the better question would be: WHY CAN'T I JUST DATE THIS GUY FOR FUN? I hate being the girl that over-analyzes everything.
Groovy Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 Ask him if he is seeing other people, if he is then you can too...but still enjoy each other as friends. If that's what you want. Beware, even when a guy calls you his girlfriend he still may see other people. I dated a guy who did that but told me upfront he was seeing others. Glad he said that because I would have assumed a relationship based on being his "girlfriend".
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