Karla87 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I am here for advice, and help on deciding what to do next. I am a married woman with two kids, one from my current marriage and one from a previous relationship. I have been married for the past 7 years and like many couples there has been good, bad, and really bad times in my marriage. My husband is a very good husband, and an extremely hard working man. He does have his issues though, one of them being that he enjoys the swinging lifestyle and I don’t. This issue has caused us many fights and arguments, which in turn makes him stop talking about the issue but he always finds a way to bring it back up. I am not going to lie, I have participated in the lifestyle before but it was not willingly. Now besides that issue for the past year me and my brother in law had been talking about his issues in his marriage and he is always there to listen about my issues with my marriage. Also by my brother in law I mean my husband’s brother. Now I know firsthand how bad his marriage is because everyone in the family is aware, but no one is aware of the issues in my marriage but my brother in law. Well since August me and my brother in law started having sexual feeling for each other, then sometime in September he told me that he loved me. I too feel like I love him and like I need him. We always talk about everything and anything and I feel so comfortable with him. The issue is that his wife is now pregnant and is five months, now he tells me that they had not been intimate for a long time up until 5 months ago and it was a drunken night. She constantly tells him that she doesn’t love him, but he can’t bring himself to walk away. We have had sex on one occasion and while I don’t regret it, I know that it was not the smartest thing to do, but like I said I feel like I love him. I am now having second thoughts about what I am doing, I feel like I want to stop this relationship, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I try very hard to ignore him sometimes only to pick the relationship back up. I need some serious advice as to what to do. I don’t want to hurt anyone as there are kids involved on both sides. I know what I did was bad...... I feel lost and confused, It is also very hard for me to walk away from my marriage because aside from the kids my family does not live nearby and I have no relatives to move in with. Please help, and advice will be greatly appreciated.[/FONT][/sIZE]
Clay Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 You probably did the worst thing anyone can do. You had sex with his brother. You not only are going to ruin the relationship with your children father you will ruin his relationship with his brother and his family will be caught up in the middle of this too. This is going to live with you the rest of your lives. Your kids will have to live with this as well. I would honestly suggest you find a way to leave. You get away soon as possible and never speak a word to his brother again. If you do and it gets out. This is not going to be a fire your going to be able to put out. I am sorry your in this mess but you did get yourself into it when you slept with his brother. Leave for the sake of the kids. Clay
Realist3 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 I will try and be as kind as I possibly can. You are a doormat. That is your main issue. Being forced into a swinging lifestyle against your will is not only abuse, but a form of slavery. Your BIL does not love you and you do not love him, even though you think you do. That situation is not going to work out well under any possible circumstance to end that fantasy now. He took advantage of you pure and simple. Get a divorce. I know it seems like a very difficult thing to do, but it will be extremely beneficial in you gaining some much needed confidence and self esteem. 2
Snipercatt Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 I don’t want to hurt anyone . . . Unfortunately, it is too late. You have hurt people even if they never find out. This could have a catastrophic effect. Your husband and his brother could end up at each others' throats. You must stop!!! If you need help, get it immediately.
violet1 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 I will try and be as kind as I possibly can. You are a doormat. That is your main issue. Being forced into a swinging lifestyle against your will is not only abuse, but a form of slavery. Your BIL does not love you and you do not love him, even though you think you do. That situation is not going to work out well under any possible circumstance to end that fantasy now. He took advantage of you pure and simple. Get a divorce. I know it seems like a very difficult thing to do, but it will be extremely beneficial in you gaining some much needed confidence and self esteem. I agree with this. Being pushed into a lifestyle you don't want is wrong on all levels. However, going to your BIL for comfort was bad news. I've been on various infidelity forums and I've NEVER heard of a family affair turning out well. From what I've read, I believe family and social circle affairs are the most damaging of all. You need to not just walk, but RUN from the BIL. Cut ALL contact now. If this were to ever be discovered so many lives will be destroyed. Your children, the nice or nephew your SIL is carrying, your H's relationship with his brother will be damaged to no end. Please OP! Think, think, think...this is not love and nothing good will come out of it. You sound very resentful towards your H. Maybe because of the swinger situation? IMO, because of this you allowed yourself to become vulnerable to your H's brother. I understand resentment very well. I've been there and I'm telling you, resentment IS poison and will destroy anything in it's path. I strongly suggest you get into counseling immediately. Please wake up! This is a train wreck waiting to happen. 1
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