rd2rcvry Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Long time reader, first time poster. I thank this forum for it's wonderful insight. Anyway, long story short. Met this woman and from the get-go it was an intense immediate attraction. Things seemed to launch right off. Insanely passionate. Was in one of those non-labeled up in the air "relationships" for about 2 and a half months. Things started to get a little more serious, she started pulling away. I turned beta and started pushing. I ended up drawing the line with the "talk". Turned into a lot of tears from her saying how she didn't want to be my girlfriend, felt we didn't mesh, no spark, "its really not you it's me as cliche as it sounds" etc. LJBF because of how amazing and genuine I am. Put it on me to be friends with no other intentions of being friends. I just accepted everything, said I can't see her as a friend right now, left, went NC for about a month and a half right away. Over that time I learned a lot about myself, relationships, roles and boundaries and things I probably should've done when the red alarms went off a few weeks beforehand. Frankly was able to bounce back really quick. Went out, been working out, saw friends, casually dated, closed on a few women. It came down to me valuing the friendship that I lost with this woman so being that she put it out there that it was my job to be friends, I wished her a happy birthday recently and let her know that I was at peace and I valued the friendship and wanted to be friends. She said thats great and that it means a lot. She said shes here for me if I need her. I said one day we could even grab coffee and catch up sometime. I said with respect to your space we can go when you are ready. Turns out she is ready, and "has been ready for a while". She wants to go whenever I want to go. She said she was waiting for me to be alright. The lines of communication are open at this point, albiet the 8-12 hour response time between texts. Now that's why I am here. I am looking to hear some insight from others especially the more experienced ones who may have some good advice on this. Right away there are some gut feeling alarms going off. She's been ready for a while to hang out? Why? She wants to go whenever I want to? Wants me to take the male dominant lead here? She has been waiting for me to be alright? Why waiting? Why say that? I've been alright. And what I finally am trying to get at is even though we're friends, we have a history. So if she was seeing someone new wouldn't she be a bit reluctant to see me? I was just gonna answer her with a simple glad youre okay kinda text with a day, time, and location of where to get coffee. Maybe include a little joke in there afterwards. Was wondering if I could use that "waiting for you" line to reframe the convo. Thank you very much for taking the time to read my story and offer your help.
vassilbg Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 You are WAYYYYYYY over analyzing her actions which tells me that you STILL have some romantic feelings for her... I've been in your situation before and I can tell you right now, TAKE IT EASY. Yes, DO take lead here and set the day/time/location and just go and catch up. Don't bring up the relationship, be fun, confident and go with the flow... its time you let her come to you.
Author rd2rcvry Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 You are WAYYYYYYY over analyzing her actions which tells me that you STILL have some romantic feelings for her... I've been in your situation before and I can tell you right now, TAKE IT EASY. Yes, DO take lead here and set the day/time/location and just go and catch up. Don't bring up the relationship, be fun, confident and go with the flow... its time you let her come to you. I'm not so much over analyzing as much as I am just trying to figure out if she's sending mixed signals or not because that's what I'm getting from her. Definitely taking it easy. Going in with a clean slate. No expectations, no bringing up the past. If she brings it up I'm probably not going to want to talk about it. The idea is to be fun, confident, and go with the flow. I also know my value and what I deserve after a lot of self realizations, so I am prepared to walk away at the drop of a pin.
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