shopaholic99 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 My ex is contacting me like everything is normal? When hes drunk, its I miss you. When hes sober, hes sending me pictures, asking me shopping advice, telling me what he is doing. Weve been broken up for a month. Is it possible that an ex doesnt know he should be using the no contact rule? Im almost sure he doesnt want to back together, but why the hell is he contacting me!
deponie12 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 trying to get you back on the hook. Mine is doing the same thing. I have been NC since Nov 5th. I wish he would just go away.
Author shopaholic99 Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 He is the dumper! Broke up with me a month ago because we were fighting too much after dating for almost two years. Long story short, we became LDR about two months ago. He lost his job was very stressed, put a hold on our relationship. I wanted more, he wanted me to be patient. I was tired of being put on hold and kept complaining. He still has strong feelings for me. When he broke up with me, kept saying we need space. Then said maybe in 3 months, maybe 6, maybe in 1 year, maybe never, but move on in the "short term" whatever that means. Then he said we arent a good fit for each other. Now hes texting me acting all normal!
strive Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Exes can do whatever the hell they want, if you really want NC, it's YOU who should be proactive about it. The question here is why can he still contact you? Haven't you blocked him yet? 3
TaraMaiden Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Please read the No Contact guide in my signature. it will tell you everything you need to know.... but everyone's right: you should be pro-active in your self-protection: Cut him off every which way possible. 4
barky2 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 He's doing it for his own reasons....it has zero to do with you. Like Tara said, cut it off now. Ignore,stop responding. Everything he says means zero,he's talking from the wrong head. Barky 2
Author shopaholic99 Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 Yes, that is where I am wrong. I at times respond, sometimes do not. Its always text, he never calls. I am going to shoot for NC now and stop responding to his texts/calls. Hes coming into town next week and I know he is going to ask to see me. I need to be strong and say no. What is he thinking!!! Its almost like he is stringing me a long just to keep me there, its selfish. I think he feels as if he is doing nothing wrong, I know him!
TaraMaiden Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 You need to be strong and not even acknowledge, reply, respond or put yourself in any position of having to engage with him at all! When he 'comes to town' - leave! Go stay with a friend, lose the internet, and change your number, ferchrissakes! Don't you dare say you can't - anything is possible: I changed my number 3 times, and lost nothing by it, at all.
Mariposa10 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Yes, that is where I am wrong. I at times respond, sometimes do not. Its always text, he never calls. I am going to shoot for NC now and stop responding to his texts/calls. Hes coming into town next week and I know he is going to ask to see me. I need to be strong and say no. What is he thinking!!! Its almost like he is stringing me a long just to keep me there, its selfish. I think he feels as if he is doing nothing wrong, I know him! Yes, he sounds selfish. But if you two were having too many problems it made sense to break up. Like he said, maybe right now it's not the right timing. However, if he's gonna in your town soon, maybe he'll want to have sex with you. SO PLEASE, DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM. He needs to realize that when he broke up with you, there would be no more sex. Maybe he's just waiting to find someone else? Anyway, be selfish. This is your time to be selfish. Think about your feelings. Protect yourself.
Author shopaholic99 Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 Thank you! You are amazing!
Author shopaholic99 Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 And yes, last time he came into town two weeks ago, thats exactly what happened. We did exactly that! Its partially my fault I let him think this is okay. I will be strong this time. You cant have your cake and eat it too!
Mariposa10 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 And yes, last time he came into town two weeks ago, thats exactly what happened. We did exactly that! Its partially my fault I let him think this is okay. I will be strong this time. You cant have your cake and eat it too! Yep, that's why he's being all nice then. Aaaah such a pig! It's hard to say no, but you have to. Otherwise, he will still get to have a relationship with you without the commitment, which gives me a chance to find another woman. Be strong
BC1980 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 My ex pulled the same thing, and I actually asked him to stop contacting me. I felt that if I fell off the face of the earth, he would be the type to show up at my house. You can't grieve properly with someone who is texting you like nothing has changed. My ex would text me pictures of random stuff and text useless things like, "I'm wearing the tie you bought me last Christmas." It's really detrimental to your healing. Cut him off in any way possible. I had to get really specific with my ex. I broke NC once and told him to stop sending birthday cards to family members. He was actually doing stupid sh&t like that, probably out of guilt. Hopefully, I will never hear from him again, and he got the message.
Author shopaholic99 Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 What do you think they are trying to do? I just dont understand. They dont want to be with you, but they dont want to let go? Sometimes I think its just out of guilt, he doesn't want to leave me cold turkey. But seriously? Why are you asking me to help you pick something out, why are you texting me I miss you or telling me what youre doing? Sometimes seems like an excuse, sometimes it seems out of guilt. Who knows.
Mariposa10 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 What do you think they are trying to do? I just dont understand. They dont want to be with you, but they dont want to let go? Sometimes I think its just out of guilt, he doesn't want to leave me cold turkey. But seriously? Why are you asking me to help you pick something out, why are you texting me I miss you or telling me what youre doing? Sometimes seems like an excuse, sometimes it seems out of guilt. Who knows. I think after dating for years, it's hard to let go completely. This is my opinion, so they just keep texting, but also looking for someone new. It's not that there's no love anymore, it's just that maybe it's not enough.
BC1980 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 What do you think they are trying to do? I just dont understand. They dont want to be with you, but they dont want to let go? Sometimes I think its just out of guilt, he doesn't want to leave me cold turkey. But seriously? Why are you asking me to help you pick something out, why are you texting me I miss you or telling me what youre doing? Sometimes seems like an excuse, sometimes it seems out of guilt. Who knows. It depends on the person, but I think it's a lot about wanting to have his cake and eat it too. Some people want the fringe benefits of a relationship without actually being present and accountable to have a real relationship. I don't necessarily think it's a conscious thing either. My ex wanted the shoulder to cry on, the companionship, ect but he wasn't interested in getting back together. He doesn't have many friends, so it was probably hard for him. He us the type who always wants to be in a relationship, so he had a really hard time moving on. I also think they want to keep the door ajar in case they change their minds. The problem with continuing contact is that you send a message that you are okay with the setup. If you pressed them, they would say you are fully aware of what this is, so you can't blame them if you get hurt.
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