Simply confused Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 I'm new , and no one to talk to about certain topics , I'm recently divorced, I left for another woman and she left a marriage for me, niether one of the relationships were fulfilling ... So we is different in this relationship with each other in the ways we always wanted it to be. She is only about 2-3 weeks post finalizing however our realationship length of time is the same, SHE says she loves me and in love with and I treat her the way she's always dreamed, but yet she is still struggling at times to let go of him... I put a lot of effort into this , I love her, I never knew I had the capacity to love someone this much. She's kinda been on snd off again with me, we are intimate , it's great for the most part everything is great... She recently sent him a text telling him to listen to the song " say something" and also sent him a picture of herself and there son to send to him ..... Not sure what to think... She swears it's just me and her for the future.... I just think If he gave the word she would jump ship
d0nnivain Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Sadly for you I think she's rebounding. You may have been more done with your marriage than she was. Tread carefully. 2
Author Simply confused Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 Any perspective is appreciated
Author Simply confused Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 What do you mean by " rebounding ", should I talk to her about it, she's real defensive about it
d0nnivain Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Rebounding means that when one relationship ends, the person sticks any warm body into the hole left by the departure of the EX. No you should not talk to her about it using those words. You should discuss the fact that she's sending texts & asking him to listen to songs. Ask her if she's regretting her decision to end her marriage.
stillafool Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 She's defensive because she knows you are telling the truth. Rebounding means she is having second thoughts about her decision and probably wants to go back to her husband. I think it is completely inappropriate for her to send pictures of herself (pictures of the baby are okay) to him. Why does he need a picture that includes his ex wife? Also why is she sending him texts about ANYTHING other than their son? I'm sure the betrayed husband doesn't want to hear from her after all she has put him through. She made the choice to leave him to be with you and she needs to leave him alone to heal. She is definitely straddling the fence. I hope he doesn't take her back but moves on to a woman who will respect him. 1
Author Simply confused Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 I agree, but I don't know how to go about it, should I just walk away , it's hard to ignore, I do love her more than anything and I do think she does love me... Do I want to walk away no, but do I wanna be made a fool of, there's Christmas plans with each other's family ... Is this just a grieving phase, but damn , I don't want to share and I deserve to be someone's #1 not on the back burner
Author Simply confused Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 The ex husband doesn't know anything about me or any of that , they weren't on great terms ,
stillafool Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 No, you need to ask her if she's having second thoughts and tell her how you feel. Tell her you find it inappropriate that she is texting her exH to listen to some song and that she shouldn't have included a pic of herself with the baby. Tell her you won't stand for this if the two of you are going to work. Who cares if she gets defensive, you'd better stand up for yourself now or this will just snowball and get worse. Her ex probably looks at her as a tramp (sorry, but it's probably true) and she doesn't like that. Why doesn't he know she and his son are living with a new guy? This is information that he should know because his son is involved. Tell her you want him to know that you two are a couple and she's better start acting like it. Remember if she cheated on him the chances are high she will cheat on you.
Author Simply confused Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 We are not living together , but her excuse is she already feels guilty enough .. Why hurt him anymore, he has no idea of the affair , she's not a tramp, but regardless should I walk
Author Simply confused Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 She does make references to our future, and plans , but do you thing I'm just the back up plan, if for some reason he won't open up snd share his feelings..? I'm just lost....
stillafool Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 She is so full of it. What does she mean she's already hurt him enough? Didn't she tell him the real reason she was breaking up with him? Does she want to file for divorce? Stand up for yourself and tell her how you feel. Tell her you want to start looking for a place for the 3 of you and watch her response. You have to talk to her and tell her how you feel as well as get some concrete answers from her. The fact that she had an affair, left her husband but won't be truthful with him as to why is very telling of the type of person she is. Demand that she tell him she is with you. Tell her you want him to know so he gives up hope of them getting back together. Watch her response. What do you mean "if he doesn't open up and share his feelings"? Aren't they broken up???
Author Simply confused Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 She filed for divorce, and she waited for a while but she did go finalize snd she is legally divorced..... Regards to the other , just like the lyrics to that song she told him to listen to... It's like she is waiting for him to day something ... Open up, share with her, I mean damn you are divorced , why now with all this
Author Simply confused Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 No he has no idea about anything of the affair.. They weren't in the greatest relationship ...
Shepp Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 You have no leg to stand on if she leaves you for her hubby! Im not trying to be harsh, just saying. If she can save her marriage she should. However from your point of view its a matter of working out whether your number one or just backup if she can't get back with him?
Quiet Storm Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 She's not over him... but this really has nothing to do with you or her husband. It's about her, and her issues. You saw how she treated someone that she was in a relationship with. She was not loyal or faithful to him. Her character is not going to change just because she switched guys. It sounds like she has a strong need for attention & validation. However, once she is confident in a person's feelings for her, their attention & validation become less special to her. It only strokes her ego if it feels unattainable- if she is on shaky ground. This is very common in people with low self worth. She seeks out others & creates these situations (drama) because she is emotionally immature. She is driven by her emotional shortcomings- she is not driven by love, by logic or by loyalty. These issues are too deep to be resolved by simply changing her man. If you ask her, she will probably say something like "I'm so confused. I just want to be happy". It seems that you two have changed places. You are the reliable, consistent one that's putting a lot of effort into the relationship. She has already conquered you & won your love. You have already left your wife. Not much drama or excitement going on anymore. Your attention doesn't have the same value for her that it used to have. He is keeping her at arms length, is probably inconsistent with his contact with her, and is keeping her guessing at where she stands. He is not paying enough attention to her- the song is her way of saying "Look, I'm still here. Talk to me. Say something. I need your attention. It's really bugging me that you aren't chasing me." He is now the one that is inspiring the needy feelings in her- not because of love, not because you did something wrong- but because she is an emotionally immature person that is not capable of being a good partner. To anyone. You say you have never loved anyone as much as her. You should consider that it is probably your own emotional issues that are inspiring these strong feelings of "love". Think about it- do you love her for the person she is- indecisive, lacking integrity, a liar, a cheater? Or do you love the way she makes you feel? When you feel attraction for someone with poor character- this is a HUGE CLUE that the relationship is not about love, consideration or compatibility. That emotional attraction is inspired by the individuals personal issues- low self worth, family of origin issues, poor coping skills, etc. A strong attraction is not always a positive thing. You can feel intense passion for someone that is very wrong for you. This is because our negative issues, our flaws, our unhealthy thought processes- are like magnets to other people with the same kinds of issues. To assume that passion or intensity is love is a huge disservice to yourself. I think you should seriously consider if this is the kind of person that you wish to spend your life with. I feel sorry for the kid. He's not going to have an easy life being dragged around on his mother's never ending quest for "happiness". 1
stillafool Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 We are not living together , but her excuse is she already feels guilty enough .. Why hurt him anymore, he has no idea of the affair , she's not a tramp, but regardless should I walk Are you saying she won't live with you because she doesn't want to hurt her exH? She's divorced. I bet he was the one who filed for divorce wasn't he? At any rate, a divorced woman shouldn't be worrying about how her exH feels about her relationship with a new man. Tell her this.
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