Bother Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 I am new to this site and actually new to this "situation". Long story short... Friends first... became FWB with MM... MM dropped "L" word a while into the R... I dropped it soon after (cause I felt it)... Been going for over a year now. Before anyone starts throwing jabs, I have NO delusions of grandeur that he with get a D and come running to me. I am a VERY pessimistic person and I have placed second in ALL my Rs (mind you, this is my FIRST MM R). I really do love him though with all my heart (friggin figures since he is M!!) and I really do just want him to be happy. And he seems happy with me and says he is happy with me but my thinking is... "If he is happy with me, why won't he be with me unconditionally??" I don't want to break it off cause I am ok with him breaking my heart but I am not okay with me breaking my own heart, you know?? And I keep thinking if there is a CHANCE that we can be together, why risk it?? Only one person knows about it on my end (cause they figured it out) though most of his closest friends know about it. Just need some advice... Feel like I am drowning here and the friggin lifeguard took the day off!! :-) P.S. I am a fairly level-headed person but don't come against me with guns drawn. If you have angry opinions about so-called "OW", then maybe you shouldn't be on this thread. Just FYI. :-)
SunshineToday Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Sorry to say this to you but OF COURSE HE IS HAPPY! he has a wife who loves him at home and he had you to stroke his ego on the side. It's very very common. If you are ok remaining his 2nd choice then you will be fine until you can take it or his wife finds out. This isn't love. You deserve more and his wife doesn't deserve this. 2
Author Bother Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 Don't I know it. The "having the cake and eating it too" has been bugging me for MONTHS. And it is true!! Why let go of something "consistent" to go into the unknown?? Men are funny creatures... I am not so sure that I deserve more but that is just how I am... Thanks. :-)
Ruffian1 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 And I keep thinking if there is a CHANCE that we can be together, why risk it?? So it seems you have made up your mind. You will continue to be with him while he cake eats because there may be a chance he will end up with you in the future. Then you must make the best of the situation. Accept it. You say that: “I really do just want him to be happy” and “he seems happy with me and says he is happy with me”. So what is the problem? You are wanting him to get D for you? I am not okay with me breaking my own heart, you know?? You need to either accept the status quo (his cake eating) if you don’t, you probably will end up hurt.
Arieswoman Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Bother, You will probably hate me for what I am going to say, but I will say it anyway. I think you need a reality check. You have said it is a FWB relationship. So what does that mean? Sex when he can get away from his wife for an hour or so? Is this really what you want, just scraps of his time when he chooses to throw them your way? IMO you need to raise the bar. Find a guy that is free to love you and give you ALL of his time and attention. You may think that you love him but he certainly doesn't love you. If he did he would be on your doorstep with a suitcase. Please get out of this, because it won't end well for you (or his wife if she finds out)
Cinnimon Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Bother, first of all welcome to the forum, sad to see to see you here. Heck I'm sad to see me here. I don't want to break it off cause I am ok with him breaking my heart but I am not okay with me breaking my own heart, you know?? The problem is, he will never outright break your heart.You will wish he would just do it! He will slowly chip away at it, mend it with a few words or moments, the start chipping again, over and over again. He will NEVER end it with you. He will force you to make the agonizing decision to walk away. Please keep your arms and legs inside the ride 1
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