Author carsrcool Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 Hey guys/girls, Just wanted to check in. Been almost a month. Hope you all had a good new year. ThatMan, I had read your post the first week of January and took some time to think about it before wanting to post again. I've looked through the conversations you've had with her. There are moments when you clearly feel uncomfortable but you do not mention it. You even display the opposite of discomfort - you laugh. You've been insincere. If you can remember for a moment that your now ex was also being insincere in her own feelings. Her actions clearly brought anguish into your life. So imagine what you do to other people when you deliberately conceal your thoughts and feelings. Being insincere is the opposite of care, support, and happiness. When you have a huge concern like what you've gone through, go ahead talk about it in a way that's considerate and tactful. Bottling sets yourself up for failure and it does not force a relationship to work. You have all the time in the world to figure this out. I just wanted to tell you that you never need to accept this for simply being stuck with how you are. Everybody grows and learns, including you. Well, you're definitely right about me being insincere. It was more towards the end though. I mentioned how this sort of "Scare" happened over the summer. I was very up front with her about it and telling her how I felt over the situation. She played it the same way she did with Guy B but only this time she was very much into him compared to the guy from the summer. I more than agree with you about my behavior towards the situation last month. Maybe it had to do with her being very secretive. It reminds me of a time where we had an argument around October. Nothing big but the next day later I talked to her about it. She brought up how she thought about how dating one of her friends from high school would have been like if they were still together [i guess he ditched her @ Prom] (At that moment, it was implied - in my mind - that she wanted to break up / losing interest. This is probably what sparked insincerity towards her. Granted I'm not looking for an excuse, just trying to look back and learn from it.) I hope you continue with no contact. There's a good discussion in the Coping Section to help you understand the benefits of no contact. There's also something called 'leaving breadcrumbs', in which an ex knows how much you're struggling and they decide to leave you messages while you are in a vulnerable state. I promise you being wished a merry Christmas had little to do with you. You don't even celebrate Christmas. Her message had everything to do with herself and what she could get out of you. Well I was doing great up until a few hours ago. I was scrolling through Facebook and noticed one of her friends posted a picture of his work and Guy B liked it. It instantly brought me thinking about what was going on last month. I saw his profile picture, with the Ex smiling together. My heart dropped, tongue went dry. It was as if I had to see it to believe it. I haven't done anything. I don't plan on doing anything. She is now this guy's problem and not mine. I blocked Guy B so I don't find myself looking over it again. You're right about the Christmas dilemma. I understand what she may have been doing. It in fact is a big "F*** you" to me in my opinion. She was angered that I told her I couldn't afford to give her a christmas present. She wanted to get a Corset. I asked if I would be getting a present and she explained how her mom was getting us the tickets to the theme park. I caved and wanted her to calm down and told her to pick one out with a budget of $50. Within the next day, she sent me one that was $100 (online). This one was a much better build (Steel bone? I forget) and was trying to sell me on it about how she needs it for whatever. Looking back, she now tells me how she knows I don't celebrate christmas and wishes a merry christmas.. Nice to include me in the 'celebration' but to play with my emotions to get something (present) with complete knowledge of me not having any interest of the holiday is just nonsensical. Anyway, I am just trying to cope with the breakup. Posting here and talking with you all has definitely helped me and is why I'm posting again. In the end I do feel much better and even when I saw the profile picture and noticing how my body reacted, it reminded me about how little it was happening anymore now that we have separated. Through out the whole year of being with her, that would happen from time to time. More often than it probably should have. It was as if I was cured of the emotional stress.
MidwestUSA Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Hey, glad you came back to say hey! I'll check back in later, gotta get to work.
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