Am I overthinking? *Girlfriend's Guy Friend*

[carsrcool]

You said you got the confirmation you need...yet you aren't really doing anything about it. Instead of these games of "nah nah I'm not responding today" why don't you end things?

 

You're right. I shouldn't be immature about this. When I get home after work, I will call her and end it.

[carsrcool]

Just wanted to give a heads up. I decided to do it via text. She hasn't contacted me since the last message from post #24. *Edit: And she's been on and off with facebook, so I didn't feel like talking on the phone /edit*

 

Me:

"I agree. I promise I won't say a word to you after this message. Honestly, I haven't liked the way things have been going lately, especially the last few weeks. I wish you all the luck, and success."

 

I then set my phone to block phone calls from her number. I also blocked her on facebook and obviously set myself as single.

 

 

She responds a few minutes later.

"wish me all the luck?"

 

I responded,

"We are breaking up."

 

She responded about 40 minutes later.

"by text? Without an explanation."

 

I did not respond. I didn't plan to (Still currently do not plan to).

 

Another 40 minutes goes by and she texts: (She mentions my name, will use this username in place - there were 3 texts).

"Carsrcool. Can we please talk? At least.. Idk why are you blocking everyone? I'm just.. Shocked."

 

"We don't need to talk tonight just.. Soon ::"

 

"If you want.."

 

 

I'm curious what you guys think I should proceed. I talked with my parents about it, they said the best would be is to just ignore her. I will do just that, but I'm curious as to how you would handle it? Obviously I am a little upset (Even though I should not be, this is just my emotional side taking over. My logical side is relieved from this whole dilemma)

 

I just want to thank you guys for keeping me in line and giving great support/advice while I went through this problem/dilemma.

Edited December 21, 2013 by carsrcool
made an edit sentence.

[writergal]

Just wanted to give a heads up. I decided to do it via text. She hasn't contacted me since the last message from post #24. *Edit: And she's been on and off with facebook, so I didn't feel like talking on the phone /edit*

 

Me:

"I agree. I promise I won't say a word to you after this message. Honestly, I haven't liked the way things have been going lately, especially the last few weeks. I wish you all the luck, and success."

 

I then set my phone to block phone calls from her number. I also blocked her on facebook and obviously set myself as single.

 

 

She responds a few minutes later.

"wish me all the luck?"

 

I responded,

"We are breaking up."

 

She responded about 40 minutes later.

"by text? Without an explanation."

 

I did not respond. I didn't plan to (Still currently do not plan to).

 

Another 40 minutes goes by and she texts: (She mentions my name, will use this username in place - there were 3 texts).

"Carsrcool. Can we please talk? At least.. Idk why are you blocking everyone? I'm just.. Shocked."

 

"We don't need to talk tonight just.. Soon ::"

 

"If you want.."

 

 

I'm curious what you guys think I should proceed. I talked with my parents about it, they said the best would be is to just ignore her. I will do just that, but I'm curious as to how you would handle it? Obviously I am a little upset (Even though I should not be, this is just my emotional side taking over. My logical side is relieved from this whole dilemma)

 

I just want to thank you guys for keeping me in line and giving great support/advice while I went through this problem/dilemma.

 

Your parents are correct. Ignore her. Oh, and watch that movie 500 Days of Summer. You will feel better after you do, esp. because the movie's conclusion is what I hope for you too. (Don't worry, it's a good conclusion).

 

Break ups suck but they are part of life and dating. If you're not with the right person for you, then you need to break up so that you can find the person that you're meant to be with.

 

It's okay to be upset. The breakup just happened so you need to give yourself a break and let yourself just process through all the emotions until you feel better.

 

Sorry this happened to you but I think it's for the best, based on how awful she's treated you. Hang in there.

[salparadise]

I'm curious what you guys think I should proceed. I talked with my parents about it, they said the best would be is to just ignore her. I will do just that, but I'm curious as to how you would handle it? Obviously I am a little upset (Even though I should not be, this is just my emotional side taking over. My logical side is relieved from this whole dilemma)

 

Your parents are right–– ignore. You don't owe her anything because she's treated you like a doormat. You've finally done what a self-respecting man ought to do, and you got the last word. If you break down and talk to her she'll disrespect you again and she'll get the last word. Don't give away your power now!

[carsrcool]

Your parents are correct. Ignore her. Oh, and watch that movie 500 Days of Summer. You will feel better after you do, esp. because the movie's conclusion is what I hope for you too. (Don't worry, it's a good conclusion).

 

I just finished it! You're right to believe I was in somewhat a situation like this. I don't believe i was with the idea that this girl was the one, but obviously I had emotions with her. I took in some of the advice the sister gave on her last scene; How that Tom should look at the past again and not look at the good things that they had but look at the bad things. It was definitely something I needed to watch. Thank you for sharing it with me, I liked the movie.

 

Break ups suck but they are part of life and dating. If you're not with the right person for you, then you need to break up so that you can find the person that you're meant to be with.

 

It's okay to be upset. The breakup just happened so you need to give yourself a break and let yourself just process through all the emotions until you feel better.

 

Sorry this happened to you but I think it's for the best, based on how awful she's treated you. Hang in there.

 

Yea, you're most definitely right. This wasn't my first girlfriend (Obviously not the last). I think I just need to focus on school/work more and I'll find someone else soon.

 

 

Really though, Thank you guys for your help.

 

 

 

Edit:

Your parents are right–– ignore. You don't owe her anything because she's treated you like a doormat. You've finally done what a self-respecting man ought to do, and you got the last word. If you break down and talk to her she'll disrespect you again and she'll get the last word. Don't give away your power now!

 

You're right, and that's not going to happen. The movie helped to make me feel better about this situation. At least it sped up the process

Edited December 21, 2013 by carsrcool

[StanMusial]

Good job. She was not relationship material.

[ChatroomHero]

I think your parents are right and how you have handled it is the best way for you in the end and I am glad you stuck up for yourself, it's tough to do.

 

You commanded respect, controlled the situation, and didn't let her jerk you around and torture you by stringing you along. You probably saved yourself weeks if not months of utter frustration.

 

How you handled it will play into your confidence in future relationships and hopefully result in a better, more healthy one in the future.

[carsrcool]

Just updating. There has been more yesterday.

 

She texted me in the morning:

"Hey sorry last text. If it's okay I'd like to get my stuff from your house. I figure you propably don't want it there.. If you want you can just put in a bag outside and I'll pick it up. Alsooo kinda need the gift for the gift exchange. I can buy it off you if needed. Thanks."

This gift exchange she put me in with a bunch of her class mate friends, I already bought a shirt for the person I was assigned to. It's happening tomorrow.

 

So I waited a few hours, took care of some family business and then responded @ 12pm:

"Sure. Come by between 12-2."

 

Her: "Okay thanks I have work so I'll let you know"

*This felt like she was basically saying, I'll tell you when I'm ready to come, I expect you to be sitting at home waiting for me*. So I called my brother while he was at *A city* with friends and he just said to come and see him and tell her that we can do this pick up the next day.

 

So I respond,

Me: "Ok. So let's do it another time. I'm going to be heading up to *A city*"

 

Her: "Well I mean I can :/ what are you goin to *A city* for??"

"I just work until 1 but my manager might ask me to stay. But I kinda really like my things ):"

 

Me: "Sure. Let's text tomorrow morning to figure out a time."

 

Her: "Can we just get it today? :(" ---*Who's we?*

"I work tomorrow morning ):"

 

Me: "I'm on the road. We'll do it tomorrow. Have a great day."

 

Her:"Why are you being so mean..."

"What did i do to deserve this.."

 

*I did not respond. There really was no point.*

 

Today she texted me I guess during her work break:

"I get off at 3 today does that work? I'm not trying to bug you I just want to get out of your hair"

[writergal]

Wow she's really trying to drag this out, still trying to manipulate you with a time that's convenient for her. Yuck. She's so immature. You gave her a time frame and she lied about her work hours just to be a jerk to you. Good lord. You dodged a bullet by dumping her now. I would never put up with that nonsense from my boyfriend.

 

Give her a time (not a 2 hour time frame, just a time) and tell her its that time or you will need to get rid of her stuff (you can always return the shirt you bought for that gift exchange too, if you still have the receipt). Stand your ground. Don't let her walk all over you still.

 

What stuff did she leave at your place?

 

Who cares about the "we" either. It could be she and a friend. Whomever it is, don't concern yourself over the identity. Just get rid of her stuff. If she continues to hem and haw, leave it outside in a bag and tell her to come and get it whenever b/c it's not your job to sit around and wait for her. Or you could just throw it out, or drop it off at her place and be done with it.

Edited December 22, 2013 by writergal

[MidwestUSA]

She told you you could leave it in a bag outside, that would have been the way to go. Now you're engaging with her again. Make it stop!

[writergal]

I agree with Midwest.

 

End this now. Just leave her stuff in a bag outside and be done with her.

[carsrcool]

Wow she's really trying to drag this out, still trying to manipulate you with a time that's convenient for her. Yuck. She's so immature. You gave her a time frame and she lied about her work hours just to be a jerk to you. Good lord. You dodged a bullet by dumping her now. I would never put up with that nonsense from my boyfriend.

 

Give her a time (not a 2 hour time frame, just a time) and tell her its that time or you will need to get rid of her stuff (you can always return the shirt you bought for that gift exchange too, if you still have the receipt). Stand your ground. Don't let her walk all over you still.

 

What stuff did she leave at your place?

 

Who cares about the "we" either. It could be she and a friend. Whomever it is, don't concern yourself over the identity. Just get rid of her stuff. If she continues to hem and haw, leave it outside in a bag and tell her to come and get it whenever b/c it's not your job to sit around and wait for her. Or you could just throw it out, or drop it off at her place and be done with it.

 

She left some of her hobby stuff here (She sells her creations). She's right to think I don't need this stuff or even want to see it, it's taking space.

 

*After i posted my last message here, I told her:

"Sure, see you at 3:30"

 

Few minutes later, she responds,

"Okay thanks :)"

*30 minutes later* "Are you going to be there or am I just picking up my stuff"

*50 minutes later after her previous message* "My manager just pushed me to 4 is it still okay for me to come after that?"

 

 

My parents said that I should "be the adult" and just tell her in person that she's been disrespectful and doesn't care for the relationship to move forward so I am moving on. *For closure* And to not care if she brings Guy B. If he were to show up, just to tell him, "Good luck." and smile.

 

My only thing is 50% wants me to do the above and the other 50% just wants to leave a bag outside.

 

So my response was going to be,

"I'm going to be leaving at 5. If you are not here by 4:30, it will be thrown out. It's not my job to wait around for you."

 

That or I could just say something along these lines,

"Bag's outside. Pick it up whenever. I'm not waiting around for you, It's not my job."

[writergal]

She left some of her hobby stuff here (She sells her creations). She's right to think I don't need this stuff or even want to see it, it's taking space.

 

*After i posted my last message here, I told her:

"Sure, see you at 3:30"

 

Few minutes later, she responds,

"Okay thanks :)"

*30 minutes later* "Are you going to be there or am I just picking up my stuff"

*50 minutes later after her previous message* "My manager just pushed me to 4 is it still okay for me to come after that?"

 

 

My parents said that I should "be the adult" and just tell her in person that she's been disrespectful and doesn't care for the relationship to move forward so I am moving on. *For closure* And to not care if she brings Guy B. If he were to show up, just to tell him, "Good luck." and smile.

 

My only thing is 50% wants me to do the above and the other 50% just wants to leave a bag outside.

 

So my response was going to be,

"I'm going to be leaving at 5. If you are not here by 4:30, it will be thrown out. It's not my job to wait around for you."

 

That or I could just say something along these lines,

"Bag's outside. Pick it up whenever. I'm not waiting around for you, It's not my job."

 

 

Throw her stuff out or leave it outside in a bag. She's a #)#$)(#$*#$!

 

Don't torture yourself by waiting for her and Guy B to stop by. Be the stronger person and show her that you're done with her by not being there at her beck and call anymore.

 

Throw it or bag it. Either way, get rid of it. She'll live without her "creations." She can create more. Right?

 

Go treat yourself to see Anchorman II or something goofy like that with your brother or friends. Go and do something fun to help you take your mind off this last piece of closure.

 

You seem like a good person who got mixed up with a real jerky young woman.

[MidwestUSA]

Go with the 50% of you that just wants to leave the bag. Leave out the 'I'm not waiting for you, not my job', it shows she's been effective in still engaging you in conversation.

 

There's no such thing as 'closure'.

[carsrcool]

[/b]

 

Throw her stuff out or leave it outside in a bag. She's a #)#$)(#$*#$!

 

Don't torture yourself by waiting for her and Guy B to stop by. Be the stronger person and show her that you're done with her by not being there at her beck and call anymore.

 

Throw it or bag it. Either way, get rid of it. She'll live without her "creations." She can create more. Right?

 

Go treat yourself to see Anchorman II or something goofy like that with your brother or friends. Go and do something fun to help you take your mind off this last piece of closure.

 

You seem like a good person who got mixed up with a real jerky young woman.

 

I just put everything in a bag (including the gift exchange gift but not her creations, they did not fit the bag, so they will sit next to the bag outside). It's not the person's fault and doesn't deserve not to get a gift, she's (The person I was assigned to give a gift) in fact hosting the whole thing. So a gift to a nice person isn't bad for me.

 

I really am a good person (At least I try to be ). I really care about everyone else and how they are sometimes more than me. So I know that I am probably portraying that here in this situation.

 

Go with the 50% of you that just wants to leave the bag. Leave out the 'I'm not waiting for you, not my job', it shows she's been effective in still engaging you in conversation.

 

There's no such thing as 'closure'.

 

This is why I posted what I was going to say before saying it, I did not think of that at all.

 

 

I texted her at 2:55

"Bag's outside. Pick it up whenever."

 

She responded nearly instantly,

"Ok thanks"

 

 

I don't think she's at work tbh, but it's not my problem anymore. Now I don't need to hear about her stupid problems that are so simple to solve yet won't do anything about it. She would give excuses as to why she won't/can't do it. (Example: She complains how she's getting fatter and fatter (As she pouts). I tell her that she should walk her dog longer as it's her only exercise. She won't because it's cold and hates doing it alone) <- Really I should have gotten the hint just from this. I took it very differently then.

 

 

So I moved my car from out of sight where she won't see it so it seems like I'm not home. She can pick it up whenever.

 

Again, Thank you for (Still) being on top of me making sure I don't put myself in a terrible situation emotionally.

 

I actually saw the new hobbit movie with my brother. It was definitely great. Definitely want to watch the new anchorman movie though.

[writergal]

Good for you for leaving her things in a bag outside for her to pick up. Don't you feel a huge sense of relief now?

[MidwestUSA]

Well done, and cool on keeping the car out of sight.

 

Now, remember, resist temptation, and don't take any bait. It's like rat poison.

[carsrcool]

I most definitely feel a sense of relief. Thank you all for the generous help!

 

Edit:

Will do, I will just look outside to see if the stuff has been taken in a few hours, the garbage disposal company comes tomorrow. They will pick it up in the morning if it's still there.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Prexisting friendships are fine but a person in a relationship shouldn't be seeking out new friends of the opposite sex to talk to or hang out with 1-1. There is always an intent and it's bad news.

[carsrcool]

She texted me a few minutes ago.

 

"You forgot a few things"

 

I didn't find anything else that I believe belongs to her. Should I even bother to respond?

[MidwestUSA]

Dayum! Tough call, it could be that she's trying to get you to talk.

 

If you reply, very business-like 'send me a list'.

[writergal]

She texted me a few minutes ago.

 

"You forgot a few things"

 

I didn't find anything else that I believe belongs to her. Should I even bother to respond?

 

Hmmm. I wouldn't respond. If you didn't find anything else that belongs to her, then her text is very suspicious. Like, she's trying to engage you in conversation.

 

First rule of breakups: go no contact.

 

The only time you engage is if

Enterprise asks you to "make it so" or "engage."

 

So, if you haven't heard from Captain Piccard, I'd stay silent.

[writergal]

I want to add that I've been in your situation, where guys I've broken up with have texted me after, trying to engage me in conversation again. Sometimes immediately after the breakup, or sometimes weeks or months later. But I've learned to just ignore and delete their texts, and it works because I never hear from them again.

 

Only you know what's the best action for you to take. But if you don't want to respond to her text, you don't have to. It's highly unlikely that you forgot anything and she's bored and wants to confuse you all over again by getting you to respond.

[carsrcool]

Turns out I actually did forget 3 things, these Tribbles she bought, her backpack and these flower like earings.

 

She messaged me about an hour ago:

"I'd like my TRIBBLES"

"Sorry that didn't mean to come out all capital"

 

She then sent me a snapchat of the office she's working on, how it's completed now.

 

My mind is going crazy. I don't know how to respond, parents said that we should just be friends, that I should just talk to her. I don't know =/

[MidwestUSA]

LOL, my first guinea pig was named Tribbles. You'd know if you forgot him - squeak, shriek!

Just leave the remainder on the porch. Same drill as last night. Text her once you've put it out.