Am I overthinking? *Girlfriend's Guy Friend*

[carsrcool]

Hey guys, my mind is going nuts here and just need a second opinion since I am less experienced (23 y/o) and maybe someone can guide me with some suggestions. I keep contradicting myself with ideas and just need some advice.

 

I have been dating this girl for 11 months now (she's 21). She's very sweet, attractive, and talented. She lives about 20 miles away. She's told me that she had a rough past and cheated on 2 ex's (the 1st boyfriend (Guy A) and the 1 prior to me, this prior was "A complete dick and had not much connection looking back, etc."). She's been doing her best to make sure it doesn't happen again and wants to make sure I am comfortable with her in terms of trust.

 

I have been trusting her this whole time. I know she's attractive and she obviously likes the guy attention so I know how to act around those kind of situations.

 

About 2 months ago she met this guy (Guy B) at a birthday party (we both attended) and they hit it off, had many interests, couple of hobbies, etc. So they exchanged numbers and added each other on Facebook. I've talked with the guy, he's a very nice person, very outgoing etc. At this party though, my GF's first boyfriend (who she cheated on) was there as well. Nearing the end of the party, he (Guy A) whispered into Guy B's ear. They both smiled looking at both of us. I can only imagine what they said, but I didn't think much of it (until now).

 

For the past month, she is constantly talking about this Guy (B). Last week I had finals and was in intense study mode. Obviously, I want to get good grades and do well in school. The day before my first final, she calls to see if I want to go out on a walk with her. I explained I am studying for my final the next day and really need to focus. She said it will only be 2 hours out of my time, so I figured why not, I'll take a break. So after I hang up the phone, she texts asking to see a movie she has been talking about for a while. I ask "When?" and she responds with "After the walk ." Annoyed, I explain to her that I need to study for my final tomorrow and can't go and that we should go another day. Her response to me was, "... Fine. I'll just go with someone else." I knew right then she was going to be asking Guy B. Once I got to her house, I was showing discomfort and she noticed. She asked what's wrong and I explained myself, she said that she asked Guy B and they're planning to go later the night and I'm welcome to come. I told her I can't, we had the walk, it was pleasant and then went home to continue studying. I think they hung out for an hour after the movie (I'm positive nothing happened).

 

Last week, we all went to see a movie (Guy B Included with a few other friends). We all had dinner before the movie and when we were sitting down, she had me sit next to Guy B and she sat across him. This honestly ticked me off given what has been going on. After eating, we went to the movie. On the way to the seats, my Girlfriend and I were falling behind and the friends saved us seats. Once we found our friends, my GF announces, "I need to sit next to Guy B!!" During the whole movie, she was very talkative to him and showing nearly no attention to me. At the end of the movie, we all said our goodbyes and left. I drove her home, dropped her off and went home.

 

Over the weekend, she called me crying and upset because her mom wouldn't allow her to go out for an hour to eat dinner with Guy B. She didn't really talk to me that day either which really threw me off. I calmed her down and cheered her up.

 

Sunday night, I asked her straight up if she likes Guy B. I gave her my reasons why I am asking, etc. She made it a point that she only finds this guy as a friend/platonic. She smiled saying I'm jealous etc. I payed attention to how she reacted and she seemed legitimate. She admited that she did like a few things about him but that he was younger than her and was a virgin which was a turn off. She constantly mentioned how that they are the exact same person but that he's just a guy, "Which she doesn't find date-able" ???

 

On monday night, there was a kickback going on by one of the friends that we saw the movie with (Guy B was going to be there). I couldn't make it because I was working late and was exhausted. There were drinks, games, movie, etc. They stayed up very late.

 

The next day (Yesterday) she texted me good morning with excitement and happiness. We had plans to hang out later. We didn't exchange much texting as we were both busy with work. Towards the end, I confirmed with her if she is still available after work. Her response, "I'm super tired I'll probably go home to sleep." Given what happened the day before, I completely understood and said maybe tomorrow. She responded after work and said "Yeah!! <3333" About an hour later, I text her asking how was work. "Tiring, I then went to the mall to try to pick something up but they were out so i ended up buggin all my friends" (She has never used friends as a general term, she would normally say who she was with. So i figured, it was with Guy B). So I dug it out of her asking about it and eventually she said that Guy B was on break and they were went to some store to find some merchandise. They found one of her classmates and that was basically it. (This was probably a 1 hour event).

 

 

I know that she doesn't like having many girl friends since they bring a lot of drama towards her. (Which I have been dealing with over the year). So I get that she just wants to have guy friends and such and I have no problem with that, but it just seems like they've only recently met and are now hanging out A LOT. Especially a hell of a lot more than we hang out. She just told me she's tired to hang out and then hung out with him. In my mind, she could have let me know she was going to the mall and invited me to come (She has a hard time doing that, she went thrift shopping with guy b, telling me after i asked what she's up to). Guy B has paid for her dinner twice I believe (We are both short on money). I still trust her but after what she just did yesterday (Tuesday), I have grown deeply concerned.

 

 

I know it's a long story, but I want to give a background to what is going through my mind. This one is bothering me and I can't sleep (Why I'm here). I attempted to make each of these stories short and to the point, so I may have left out a few details but the general outcome is there.

 

Thanks in advance, please give me some second opinions

 

 

Edit:

P.S: Her mom bought us 2 tickets to a theme park. She invited a few friends without letting me know, Guy B included. She told me after Guy B confirmed. I told her I thought it was going to be just the 2 of us. She explained it would be nice to have a few friends around while we wait in the lines for the rides, etc. Recently, it seemed like it was going to be just us 3 and that my GF is inviting a coworker (who has a boyfriend) to come as well so it doesn't seem like Guy B is a third wheel.

Edited December 18, 2013 by carsrcool

[FrankieFrank]

She's told me that she had a rough past and cheated on 2 ex's (the 1st boyfriend (Guy A) and the 1 prior to me, this prior was "A complete dick and had not much connection looking back, etc.").

 

We're not off to an amazing start right away...

 

I know that she doesn't like having many girl friends since they bring a lot of drama towards her.

This is a red flag as well. Many girls, especially that age, only say that because they don't want other chicks to compete for guys' attention.

 

Last week, we all went to see a movie (Guy B Included with a few other friends). We all had dinner before the movie and when we were sitting down, she had me sit next to Guy B and she sat across him. This honestly ticked me off given what has been going on. After eating, we went to the movie. On the way to the seats, my Girlfriend and I were falling behind and the friends saved us seats. Once we found our friends, my GF announces, "I need to sit next to Guy B!!" During the whole movie, she was very talkative to him and showing nearly no attention to me. At the end of the movie, we all said our goodbyes and left. I drove her home, dropped her off and went home.

That's a deal breaker.

 

You are not her priority, needless to say. Guy B is a lot more important to her and any excuses you get are just that, excuses. You might believe them, but it's just naivety on your part.

 

"Tiring, I then went to the mall to try to pick something up but they were out so i ended up buggin all my friends" (She has never used friends as a general term, she would normally say who she was with. So i figured, it was with Guy B). So I dug it out of her asking about it and eventually she said that Guy B was on break and they were went to some store to find some merchandise. They found one of her classmates and that was basically it. (This was probably a 1 hour event).

Of course she didn't say it right away. She knows you suspect and tries to cover her ways.

 

Annoyed, I explain to her that I need to study for my final tomorrow and can't go and that we should go another day. Her response to me was, "... Fine. I'll just go with someone else."

See? she didn't even bother to make time for you another day, she wasn't bothered at all that she didn't spend that time with you. After all that Guy B is such an enticing option...

 

but it just seems like they've only recently met and are now hanging out A LOT. Especially a hell of a lot more than we hang out. She just told me she's tired to hang out and then hung out with him.

Here you have it.

 

Honestly, she doesn't even sound like your gf at all.

 

Her mom bought us 2 tickets to a theme park. She invited a few friends without letting me know, Guy B included.

Case in point. Romantic time for just the two of you? Forget about it. Not with this girl. Edited December 18, 2013 by FrankieFrank

[PegNosePete]

The day before my first final, she calls to see if I want to go out on a walk with her. I explained I am studying for my final the next day and really need to focus. She said it will only be 2 hours out of my time

Wow what a piece of work she is. How selfish?

 

So after I hang up the phone, she texts asking to see a movie

Really? Wow she certainly seems like a really caring and considerate person, knowing you have finals the next day, but still hassling you for attention and when you say you can't, playing the "make him jealous" card. What a piece of work.

 

I know that she doesn't like having many girl friends since they bring a lot of drama towards her.

For me this is a MAJOR red flag. Why do you think they bring drama towards her? And don't you think the other women think the same about her? After all she is the one who cheated on her last 2 boyfriends. She is the CAUSE of the drama.

 

So then you list a whole load MORE red flags, that show she really doesn't give 2 short ships about your feelings or the relationship.

 

Dude it is only a matter of time before she cheats on you, if she hasn't already. She has not changed her ways in the slightest. In fact her actions make your first paragraph quite laughable. She had a rough past because SHE cheated? Err cause and effect, right there. Her ex was a dick? Err no SHE is the one who cheated. She is not good girlfriend material.

Edited December 18, 2013 by PegNosePete

[StanMusial]

I agree with the other poster. Girls that have a lot of guy friends and no girl friends tend to be a little crazy. And by a little crazy I mean a lot crazy.

 

I know this from experience.

 

Other girls don't like them for some reason and guys like them for you know the reason why.

 

Even if it's innocent she will eventually get into a compromising position(s).

[d0nnivain]

If an opposite sex friend was around before the romantic relationship, then the new person has to deal.

 

In your situation, Guy B showed up after you & should therefore be perceived as a threat.

 

She doesn't have a good track record, having cheated in the past. Too much time alone with Guy B doing date like things, including having dinner alone, is a slipperly slope.

 

If you keep harping on it, you will drive her into his arms. You have 2 choices, make peace with it or walk away. I suppose a 3rd option would be for you to help Guy B find his own GF.

[Sand Man Dan]

This is trouble. Trust me.

 

Dump her and go NC. She's spending an inordinate amount of time with Guy B and she knows it makes you uncomfortable. That's a lack of respect and is a very telling display of selfishness. A lack of respect means the possibility of her cheating on you skyrockets. Not to mention she's easily emotion validated as shown by her excessive male attention seeking. There is a high likelihood of monkey business already. Drop her.

[MidwestUSA]

It's only a matter of time until she cheats on you. She's a drama prone attention whore.

 

Don't allow yourself to be disrespected like this.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I agree with the other poster. Girls that have a lot of guy friends and no girl friends tend to be a little crazy. And by a little crazy I mean a lot crazy.

I know this from experience.

Other girls don't like them for some reason and guys like them for you know the reason why.

Even if it's innocent she will eventually get into a compromising position(s).

 

This is a damn fact!

 

Let's face it.... Women have good people instincts.

 

OP, your Gf has already dumped you. She just doesn't have the balls to say it. She asks you out when she knows you busy and can't... Then gets pissy when you say No and decides to take another guy. Seriously what an evil bitch move!

 

I would tell her exactly what a sorry sad sack cheat she is and dump her. It may not be physical, but she is emotionally cheating 100%.

[soccerrprp]

She's told me that she had a rough past and cheated on 2 ex's (the 1st boyfriend (Guy A) and the 1 prior to me, this prior was "A complete dick and had not much connection looking back, etc."). She's been doing her best to make sure it doesn't happen again and wants to make sure I am comfortable with her in terms of trust.

 

She's cheated on two exes? She wants you to trust her! Lol! Forget that! Move on!

[CrystalCastles]

I agree with the other poster. Girls that have a lot of guy friends and no girl friends tend to be a little crazy. And by a little crazy I mean a lot crazy.

 

I agree with what you said except for this statement. 90% of my friends are guys, but that comes from being in a male-dominated field. I don't think I'm crazy. My female friends don't either.

 

I think the gender of friends doesn't really have anything to do with it. Friends don't really make a person crazy, they're already crazy.

[carsrcool]

Thank you all for the responses. I really needed this advice. My mind was in a somewhat general area of what you all are saying, just hearing it from someone else really helps.

 

So before I posted, I made a status on facebook saying can't sleep and about how the next day is going to suck from lack of sleep (onto which I came here).

 

When I woke up, I had a text from her, "Good morning Handsome hope today isnt as awful as you might think it will be <3 wubbs you"

 

I respond, Good morning beautiful <3 thanks and good luck with class today (She has a final today). Sleep well?

 

Her: "hehe thanks uh pretty well but i woke up and my neck is all sore" (She got a job building this gingerbread house, my assumption is she has her head down too long?)

 

Me: aww. that's not good. =/ I have a huge headache.

 

Her: That's not good either D:

*3 minutes later* Her: So guess what show Guy B watches It's something you LOVE :3

 

Already talking about him...

 

Me: haha which

 

Her: *Parody show on an anime* (I do like the show but it's irrelevant to my problem lol).

 

I leave the house to get to work, she calls while walking her dog (This is done very often). Talking about Guy B, how his mom is adopting a puppy that she showed them at a rescue she helps, how she's excited to go to the theme park and how Guy B has a pass that gives discounts on everything so she's obviously excited for that as well. Seems like that coworker isn't coming with us to the theme park since her pass has a blackout date and is trying to figure out a price. GF is now considering inviting a friend (Girl C: That she's known from high school and was with us at the last movie we all went to, they were currently in a fight because, to how I understood it, my GF doesnt want her (Girl C) hanging out with this group of friends). So my GF didn't want her to come before this movie took place, but now is somewhat feeling okay with it since this girl likes some other guy from the group.

 

Just typing this gives me a quite certain idea that now my GF knows Girl C likes someone other than Guy B, then it's okay for Girl C to be around Guy B. This would also prove you guys 100% correct about her behavior.

 

So she repeated saying she hopes i feel better soon and how i should drink plenty of water. She then asked What my plans are for today. Told her basically work. She responded saying oh well that's cool, sounds all worky like (Forget what she said, basically trying to sound cute?). I asked if she will be free today and she instantly responded, "Nope! ..." I stayed silent, and she then said that she has to really work on the design of the gingerbread house, etc. etc. and that was basically it, said our goodbyes and love you's.

 

About an hour goes by and I text her asking what she's up to.

Her: "Studying"

Me: Cool cool. Which class?

Her: History of *

Me: Oh nice, then it should be somewhat easy right?

*I saw a post about some show happening next month on facebook sent to Guy B and another girl (Who I have met)* This post was before her calling me today

Me: BTW I saw the post with the *Info of show*. did you want to go?

Her: Yeah. YES

 

I didn't respond, I was now emotionally distraught. She really wanted to go see this, she usually told me about these events. But instead she just sent it to Guy B and this girl.

 

An hour goes by, I decide to call her. Rang and went to voicemail. I left a message saying "Hey babe, I'm really stressed at work, was hoping to talk to you but nevermind.. Bye."

 

10 minutes later she texted, "Hey what's wrong? :_( sorry can't really talk on the phone :_( you ok???"

 

I respond asking if she was in class and then, "My whole body is just killing me right now, I feel completely terrible. I was hoping i could just talk to you :("

 

Her last response (Present) : "Awe babe ): do you has any saved vm?"

 

My last response: "vm?"

 

She's currently in class taking her final. The class gets out in 2 hours *From this post* Since she said she's too busy to hang out and needs to finish up this design for the gingerbread house and how she has a final on friday; there are 3 options she will take. Go to work, go home and study, go to Guy B.

 

Tbh I want to see if she will even call me after the final, I did that on all my finals, saying how well I believe i did etc.

But I believe, as we all have concluded, it's basically already over. Just typing this has made me feel better emotionally when wanting to call her. I will keep you guys posted. Thank you all with the support

 

The theme park is next week, it's basically free for me to go. Opinions on how I should handle this?

Edited December 18, 2013 by carsrcool

[MidwestUSA]

Don't forget her corset? Was that to be a Christmas gift? She's got some balls.

 

Tell us you're going to dump her via voicemail. Wish her and guy B a nice life. Since her mom bought the tix to the theme park I guess you're out of luck there. It could have been worse, I guess. So sorry.

[ChatroomHero]

Any time a woman complains about an ex and how terrible they were, I realize that if you talked to her exes they would probably say they went through the exact same crap you are going through now.

 

Interesting that when you had finals she wanted/expected you to go for a walk and a movie. If she doesn't call or makes an excuse why she can't make a simple call after her final I would say that would be completely telling.

 

If that is the case and she doesn't call I would basically go no contact. If she texts I would send back something like, "I think we are wasting each other's time, let's move on. Good luck" and then shut my phone off for the rest of the night.

[Maxtor]

Want to win this situation? Want to win it? Then follow this instructions:

 

- stop being so nice about this. You dont like it, dont need to play it cool, when there is nothing cool about it.

 

- she already cheated on previous boyfriends, and now she is having an emotional affair with this guy, talking about him all the time and hanging with him, you cant allow this.

 

- be tough. To her and to him. "Want to hang around this guy? Then **** you. If i ever see you with him again ill punch you both!"

 

It's too late now. Next time, with other girl, if this starts to happen, dont let it go this far. Its too late.

[StanMusial]

I agree with what you said except for this statement. 90% of my friends are guys, but that comes from being in a male-dominated field. I don't think I'm crazy. My female friends don't either.

 

I think the gender of friends doesn't really have anything to do with it. Friends don't really make a person crazy, they're already crazy.

 

I wrote "tend to be" and "no female friends". So it doesn't apply to you or to all.

 

My point is not that it MAKES them crazy, rather it is a by-product of being so.

[Sparky9]

Sounds like a terrible situation, and you're being too nice. You're going to have to put your foot down...and stand your ground!!

 

Be ready, as it sounds, this may not work in your favor. She choses the other guy in the majority of the instances you listed. She has already emotionally cheated on you, though she says it's just a friendship...to her, you have become #2. Be prepared for her to be done.

 

Good luck

[carsrcool]

Don't forget her corset? Was that to be a Christmas gift? She's got some balls.

 

Tell us you're going to dump her via voicemail. Wish her and guy B a nice life. Since her mom bought the tix to the theme park I guess you're out of luck there. It could have been worse, I guess. So sorry.

 

The voicemail didn't tell me what day it was at first. Had to ask for the date received, it was around a week ago (Hours before the movie), she left one of her corsets at my house that she wanted to wear over her dress. (That's why i un-edited that last post since I took it in a different way)

 

She basically wanted me to listen to a voicemail of her talking in place of her calling.

 

She did call me to let me know how it went and she felt pretty confident with the results. We talked for about 20 minutes. She mentioned the theme park again, I asked if Guy B is sure he is okay with being a 3rd wheel and all, she responded saying, yes he told me he's completely fine. I explained that I just usually never felt comfortable being a 3rd wheel on events like this. She asked if it was a problem for him to come. I choked, said "well no.. I mean I don't know.." GF is going to try and bring Girl C.

 

She went to work on the gingerbread stuff and I suggested we hang out tonight. She responded (to how i recall), "Yeah sure, I'll let you know when I'm going on break and you can come down. I'll let you know when I'm hungry so we can eat." I then suggested that we should hang out tomorrow, I can help her study etc.. I basically want to see her face to face and get some sort of reaction by her in person and not over text/phone. Sometimes technology makes things too easy, especially for things like this. I plan to do work related things while I help her study, so it's not a huge downtime for me.

 

^ That was 4 hours ago. I messaged her about 2 hours ago asking how everything is going but still have not received a response. She's working, I get it. I am just getting exhausted and feel like going to bed.

 

 

I just want to see how this pans out. I'm ready for the worst. I obviously should have seen this coming since day 1 but my imagination that she may change failed me. Oh well.

[hotpotato]

Please, kick her to the curb!

 

Her behavior is totally inappropriate and disrespectful.

[writergal]

The voicemail didn't tell me what day it was at first. Had to ask for the date received, it was around a week ago (Hours before the movie), she left one of her corsets at my house that she wanted to wear over her dress. (That's why i un-edited that last post since I took it in a different way)

 

She basically wanted me to listen to a voicemail of her talking in place of her calling.

 

She did call me to let me know how it went and she felt pretty confident with the results. We talked for about 20 minutes. She mentioned the theme park again, I asked if Guy B is sure he is okay with being a 3rd wheel and all, she responded saying, yes he told me he's completely fine. I explained that I just usually never felt comfortable being a 3rd wheel on events like this. She asked if it was a problem for him to come. I choked, said "well no.. I mean I don't know.." GF is going to try and bring Girl C.

 

She went to work on the gingerbread stuff and I suggested we hang out tonight. She responded (to how i recall), "Yeah sure, I'll let you know when I'm going on break and you can come down. I'll let you know when I'm hungry so we can eat." I then suggested that we should hang out tomorrow, I can help her study etc.. I basically want to see her face to face and get some sort of reaction by her in person and not over text/phone. Sometimes technology makes things too easy, especially for things like this. I plan to do work related things while I help her study, so it's not a huge downtime for me.

 

^ That was 4 hours ago. I messaged her about 2 hours ago asking how everything is going but still have not received a response. She's working, I get it. I am just getting exhausted and feel like going to bed.

 

 

I just want to see how this pans out. I'm ready for the worst. I obviously should have seen this coming since day 1 but my imagination that she may change failed me. Oh well.

 

She doesn't sound like she respects you at all, based on what you've written here.

 

Why do you want to be with this woman, who has a terrible track record of fidelity to boyfriends?

 

As the other posters here have pointed out, you're not at the top of her priority list and yet you continue to validate that being last is okay with you, when it's clearly not based on how emotionally distraught you are.

 

She's screens your calls, tells you to listen to old voicemails of hers when you want to talk to her, (which I think is crazy and totally unacceptable behavior) and she won't commit to making plans ahead of time with you.

 

Huge red flags.

 

Oh, and she's using you. That is pretty clear to me.

 

You deserve to be with a woman who doesn't screen your calls, gives you straight answers, makes you a priority in her life, respects you, and is interested in you.

 

At this point, I think you have a tough decision to make. And how you do it is up to you, but I suggest sending her an email and being done with this relationship as it's only taking from your life, not adding to it.

 

Your situation reminds me of the movie

 

You're basically dating Zoe Deschanel's character.

Edited December 19, 2013 by writergal

[Untouchable_Fire]

I just want to see how this pans out. I'm ready for the worst. I obviously should have seen this coming since day 1 but my imagination that she may change failed me. Oh well.

 

So you plan to just sit around wasting your time while she dates this dBag?

 

Why passively wait it out? Is that The kind of man you want to be?

 

I get that if you call her a cheat she is just going to flip it right back on you saying he is just a friend and you are being insecure. We both know that's crap and so does she! So don't be afraid of that! Just tell her that this guy is driving a wedge between you two, and that you want her to get honest with you as to how she is feeling. Tell her that if she doesn't choose you and ditch the other guy you don't feel comfortable moving forward with the relationship.

[carsrcool]

Well I got what I needed to really confirm it all (As if it wasn't already ). At 9pm (3.5 hr's after i asked how it's going @ work). She sent me a picture of what she did at work. I responded saying that it looks great and keep up the great work. Her response, and the conversation ahead.

 

Her: "Im done lol"

 

Me: "oh okay o.o"

Me: "did you still want to hang out?"

 

She: "If you wanted. It's a little late D:"

*I took this as she's tired and wants to go home, that's how she wanted it to seem like*

 

Me: "Okay. Go home and rest. I don't want you feeling cranky tomorrow <3 get on skype :)"

 

Her: "Lol okies"

*I felt something already off just from this text*

 

Me: "I'm tired too tbh =/ headache is almost gone"

Her: "Awe okies well at least it's going away"

Me: "So watsup? Did you enjoy work?"

Her: "Yeah"

*I have the distinct impression she's not going home*

 

Me: "Tbh i would suggest you come over if you're up for it :D"

 

Her: "Not really .-."

Her 3 min later: "I have no gas"

 

Me: "Well I can pitch you some :)"

Her: "Meh"

Me: "Something Wrong?"

Her: "I just don't really want to drive up there right now lol"

*1st time ever saying this. (Maybe a second time but not in this kind of situation)*

 

Me: "So then what do you want to do?"

Her: "Idk I thought you were tired? .-."

Me: "Well I'm also hungry o.o I was thinking you come up and we get some food <3"

Her: "You're being confusing and I'm getting mad"

 

So knowing she will stop responding i call. It rings for a while seconds before going to voicemail she answers. I stutter saying what's wrong, i don't understand why she's getting angry for. She says I'm being confusing saying how I'm tired and how she's almost home and how she doesn't want to turn around to come up. I said that's fine, I didn't think she left work yet (It's in between where we both live, closer to me *Reminding we live 20-30min away from each other*). So she explained how she's furious with me at the moment and how she doesn't want to explode in my face right now. I told her to tell me whats up and she denied. So i said fine, I'll see you on skype soon. She said she will go on skype later. Said our byes.

 

 

An hour later I message her on facebook if she's coming on. She said she ran into a Girl Friend and is hanging out with her for a little since she went to the mall (where Guy B works) to get some food. So I told her I thought she was going home, she responded well I wanted to get food so I went to the mall (Not normal at all! She has no gas yet pays for fairly expensive food, she would normally go to del taco or something). I got stupid asking why not invite me (I basically wanted to make the point that I don't understand why she's doing this). She saw the message (Facebook chat tells you) and then went offline. I then messaged saying, "Anyway, say hi to the girl friend for me, hope all is well and I don't mean to be Abrupt." She saw this final message at 2:50am. She said earlier that it's getting late, but she will stay up @ 3am? Bull****.

 

So that's the end of it. I plan to have the talk with her in person. Telling her that if she wants to date him, it's fine, but there's no point in lying to each other and that I have a lot of other **** on my mind and don't need this. She's been acting fairly strange and that we need to just be honest with each other and move on.

 

 

 

 

Your situation reminds me of the movie

 

You're basically dating Zoe Deschanel's character.

 

I haven't seen this, but I will definitely check it out

 

Just tell her that this guy is driving a wedge between you two, and that you want her to get honest with you as to how she is feeling. Tell her that if she doesn't choose you and ditch the other guy you don't feel comfortable moving forward with the relationship.

 

Yes, I will try to go along the lines of this. I will also mention that the theme park thing also makes me uncomfortable, that if she wants to go with him, i don't want to go, have her mom save the money, he will make me uncomfortable on our anniversary.

[ChatroomHero]

You're putting too much effort into it. If she texts or calls you again you need to tell her that she is full of sh*t. Being tired, not having gas, wanting to go home, telling YOU that YOU were confusing, then finding time, gas money, food money, and energy to hang out at the mall obviously to be around the other guy.

 

If she doesn't text or call I would not initiate anything and I would just forget about the theme park. If she texted you about it I would just blow her off, in fact never respond.

 

Wasting 1 more minute on her would not be worth it. She faked being mad at you because she was blowing you off to see Guy B and wanted to turn the tables so you were the bad guy.

 

The only way you would eventually feel a little justice is if you cut all contact and completely treat her like she doesn't exist from here on out. If you try to discuss things or have any contact, I would predict she would throw everything back at you like you are wrong and you drove her to Guy B.

 

Don't let yourself become her guilt outlet, be a hero and disappear. Remove her from FB, delete her number, ignore any contact requests. Trust me, if you do this, 6 months from now you will look back and be totally satisfied that you became a man in this situation and without saying a word you will know that she knows you were one step ahead of her.

[MasonJarTeaDrinker]

You're right in overthinking this I don't blame you. She's doing some **** and it's not that she's cheating (For all I know) however I'm sure if the situation was flipped she would feel upset also. This "Guy B" needs to GTFO or you gotta leave her man this is just gonna get uglier and uglier.

 

You're not gonna be able to concentrate, you're always going to have to be worrying if she's ****ing this other dude and that will mess with you. Just be honest with her and tell her you don't like her hanging out with homeboy and if she can't drop him then she's not as committed as you think.

 

Stay strong and take a stand.

[carsrcool]

Just updating. Yesterday, we did not exchange any texts. She went online facebook for a few minutes and went off. No skype, she disappeared for the day. Today was her last final, she posted on facebook saying that not many people showed up.

 

 

Just recently she texted me (I guess she finished her final).

 

Hi. Sorry I've been.. Avoiding you. I've just been super stressed and upset and idk got weird and found you annoying so i thought it would be best if I had some time away from you. I hope you're not stressed out. I just need some time to think about things and calm down from school. Maybe we could hang out tonight? Idk. I'm just not in a happy place right now :/@

 

I'm not responding.. at least not today.. she has this sort of thing where she feels sorry for herself when she does something bad. It seems like she did something horrible apparently, I think we all know what it is. tbh I don't want to see her right now. To make me so stressed and upset over this and having to come to you guys for some advice and support. I don't need that.

 

Edit:

She's not in a happy place right now?? She's super excited and happy when around Guy B. Now all of a sudden she's depressed and unhappy etc. Yeah.. Alright.

Edited December 20, 2013 by carsrcool

[veggirl]

You said you got the confirmation you need...yet you aren't really doing anything about it. Instead of these games of "nah nah I'm not responding today" why don't you end things?