How to tell an Ex to back off?

[soulz]

So i have been NC with my ex for 4 months now.. she had cheated on me and i cut her off.. but she doesnt seem to stop contacting me even though she is exclusive with the guy she cheated on me with.. she recently sent me this email.. im posting the abridged version down here.. im not really sure what to make of it.. she claims she hasnt moved on, but yet she has a BF?

and then she says "We wandered into love".. what is this rubbish.. i feel she just shat on what we shared even more..

What should i make of this email, im not really sure how to interpret it?

 

 

"

I miss my best friend. Please Talk to me??

 

I don't want to 4get everything that we were. Our memories will forever be...no matter how badly we want to erase them because it hurts to know that they were true at one point in time.

 

It hit me today. That I may never see or speak to you ever again. It breaks my heart. Maybe you blocked me in every way possible that I could reach you, so that I could finally feel what you felt. When I pushed you out and rejected all of your effort. It hurts, bad. I'm sorry I made you feel this way and worse. I understand now that when you decided to stay in Europe you weren't being selfish and putting me on hold in your life. You were being selfless, staying away from me when you wanted to be with me so that you could get a grasp of business and solidify our future. I'm sorry that I was blind to this. I got selfish and was angry at you for making the right decision. I'm sorry that I destroyed us. I know at this point being friends is a lot to ask for, but someday in the future I hope you can forgive me and see that I'm still the same girl you fell in love with.

 

We deserved much better in our ending. I've been overcome in the past few days with just pure sadness. I'm sorry that I've let you down like this. I've more than let you down, I've damaged your ability to trust, to love, to be open. I regret that I made someone like you suffer this way. Please just know that I'm sorry. We may never talk again, but I just need you to know that I'm sorry. I'm so so so so sorry. When you came to visit I wish I listened to you as your friend instead of turning my back on you. I took away our friendship and our love and how I was able to throw it all away so easily..I'll never know. I am who I am today because of knowing you and growing with you. I'm an incredibly selfish person is what I've come to realize and I'm sorry that you had to be victim to it. How you still talked to me after all this is incredible. You are so much greater of a person than I and you deserve better. I think we both learned so much from this experience. I don't want to remember all the bad things, but the good times we had together. I forgot them so easily because you were so far away. I was never the kind of girl who could do long distance and I'm sorry that I crushed us like this just so that I could be "free" whatever that means because now I just feel so lost.

 

Anyways, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry and I now understand your perspective. I don't want you to feel that I just left you in the dark and am moving on content with my life. That's completely wrong. The further we get from the situation the more I think about it. I should've been there for you when we broke up as your friend even if the I couldn't as your girlfriend. I'm so sorry for that. I betrayed you, backstabbed you, abused our trust and just all around shat on our friendship that we've built for so long. Just know that I'll always love you. You'll always be apart of me. I hope you didn't get that tattoo removed. I love seeing it everyday on my rib cage.

 

I want us to be friends someday. I know it's too soon and the wound is still healing, but I just want you to know that I want friendship. I do. You are still the most interesting, funny, witty, clever and talented person I've ever met. It's just something I've come to realize that we were the best of friends, but as I mentioned before we wandered into love. I had to accept that you were perfect, but not perfect for me. I wanted so badly for you to be, but in my heart I knew it wasn't working and you did too. I was wrong for you too. I wish I could've gently come to this realization instead of leading all hell to break loose. Again, I'm sorry and I hope we can reconnect someday soon when we're both in a better place. I'm Sorry for all the heartache I've caused you. I wish I could just take it from you and place the burden of it on me.

 

-#####"

[ThatMan]

You aren't her best friend. She doesn't even treat you like a friend. Your Ex treated you in ways worse than how she'll treat her worst enemy. She's selfish, inconsiderate, disrespect, and is only interested in what she can get out of you. She's using you. If she considered you a friend then she'll allow you to heal. Block her email, change emails, change phone numbers, do whatever possible to look after yourself.

 

Your Ex clearly needs you more than you need her.

[cavalier99]

Meh. She just wants to alleviate her guilt. Yes you were a good BF. But you already know this. She doesnt want back if that is what your thinking. Just ignore.

 

Id actually be sorta pissed she is dumping all her emotional baggage on you. She lost that right. Block her. Cav

Edited December 18, 2013 by cavalier99

[soulz]

Meh. She just wants to alleviate her guilt. Yes you were a good BF. But you already know this. She doesnt want back if that is what your thinking. Just ignore.

 

Id actually be sorta pissed she is dumping all her emotional baggage on you. She lost that right. Block her. Cav

 

I honestly just wonder if she'll ever realise she's made a mistake.. coz if she would have truly realised that then she wouldnt be with whom she cheated on me with .. you know?

 

it just hurts to see somebody move on so fast.. but then at the same time she lies and says she is "lost" ... what a load of crap.. what is going on here?

[soccerrprp]

I honestly just wonder if she'll ever realise she's made a mistake.. coz if she would have truly realised that then she wouldnt be with whom she cheated on me with .. you know?

 

it just hurts to see somebody move on so fast.. but then at the same time she lies and says she is "lost" ... what a load of crap.. what is going on here?

 

Manipulation and it is working. The title of your post, asking her to back off, is that what you really want? It sounds like you're still stuck on her. Otherwise, you tell an EX to back off by making it clear that is what you want, block her calls, texts, emails, etc. That's how.

[Zahara]

I honestly just wonder if she'll ever realise she's made a mistake.. coz if she would have truly realised that then she wouldnt be with whom she cheated on me with .. you know?

 

it just hurts to see somebody move on so fast.. but then at the same time she lies and says she is "lost" ... what a load of crap.. what is going on here?

 

How to tell an ex to back off? Well, without having to tell her, you can do it by blocking her. Seeing that you haven't already done that, it is safe to say that you welcome contact from her because it actually validates you.

[John-Dough]

She is obviously trying to clear her conscious, I might email her back something like -

 

No problem.

 

It is what it is.

[truth_seeker]

If you really want her gone, you block and make it hard for her to get in touch with you.

 

If you want to stick it to her, here's your opportunity. You write her back and tell how she's a loser for cheating and you're above that. You've found someone else who is loving, caring and unlike her, has integrity and a spine. Thank her for the good times you shared but her attention, her pity is unwanted and this will be the last time you ever communicate with her.

[MidwestUSA]

She is obviously trying to clear her conscious, I might email her back something like -

 

No problem.

 

It is what it is.

No, email back NOTHING. She doesn't deserve the satisfaction of knowing he read it. That's exactly what she's looking for.

[truth_seeker]

No, email back NOTHING. She doesn't deserve the satisfaction of knowing he read it. That's exactly what she's looking for.

 

Only write her back if it's going to get under her skin and slam the door in her face. THEN you block her...

[veggirl]

Do NOT respond. What is the point? Anything you say will only illicit another response from her and then you'll get sucked in! She will get to alleviate her guilt and she'll leave you in the dust AGAIN once she's done with that.

 

Delete that stupid ass email. Honestly it is a ridiculously self-absorbed message and frankly, she sounds like a complete moron.

[truth_seeker]

Do NOT respond. What is the point? Anything you say will only illicit another response from her and then you'll get sucked in! She will get to alleviate her guilt and she'll leave you in the dust AGAIN once she's done with that.

 

If he responds cleverly, he can make her feel like a loser a hundred times over! She will respond and then he ignores her. If he's not the type to stick it to people, then he should block her and move on.

[MidwestUSA]

If he responds cleverly, he can make feel like a loser a hundred times over! She will respond and then he ignores her. If he's not the type to stick to people, then he should block her and move on.

 

Dude, you just don't get the concept of NO CONTACT, do you?

[truth_seeker]

Dude, you just don't get the concept of NO CONTACT, do you?

 

Man, did you not read what I posted previously? I said first option was to block and do not contact her. I offered up an alternative if he felt he needed to get sh-t off his chest.

[MidwestUSA]

Man, did you not read what I posted previously? I said first option was to block and do not contact her. I offered up an alternative if he felt he needed to get sh-t off his chest.

 

And your first option is the best. She's too full of herself to allow the fact that she's a loser to sink in, no matter how he phrases it. 'Sticking it to her' is just game playing, and will delay his healing.

[stillafool]

So i have been NC with my ex for 4 months now.. she had cheated on me and i cut her off.. but she doesnt seem to stop contacting me even though she is exclusive with the guy she cheated on me with.. she recently sent me this email.. im posting the abridged version down here.. im not really sure what to make of it.. she claims she hasnt moved on, but yet she has a BF?

and then she says "We wandered into love".. what is this rubbish.. i feel she just shat on what we shared even more..

What should i make of this email, im not really sure how to interpret it?

 

 

"

I miss my best friend. Please Talk to me??

 

I don't want to 4get everything that we were. Our memories will forever be...no matter how badly we want to erase them because it hurts to know that they were true at one point in time.

 

It hit me today. That I may never see or speak to you ever again. It breaks my heart. Maybe you blocked me in every way possible that I could reach you, so that I could finally feel what you felt. When I pushed you out and rejected all of your effort. It hurts, bad. I'm sorry I made you feel this way and worse. I understand now that when you decided to stay in Europe you weren't being selfish and putting me on hold in your life. You were being selfless, staying away from me when you wanted to be with me so that you could get a grasp of business and solidify our future. I'm sorry that I was blind to this. I got selfish and was angry at you for making the right decision. I'm sorry that I destroyed us. I know at this point being friends is a lot to ask for, but someday in the future I hope you can forgive me and see that I'm still the same girl you fell in love with.

 

We deserved much better in our ending. I've been overcome in the past few days with just pure sadness. I'm sorry that I've let you down like this. I've more than let you down, I've damaged your ability to trust, to love, to be open. I regret that I made someone like you suffer this way. Please just know that I'm sorry. We may never talk again, but I just need you to know that I'm sorry. I'm so so so so sorry. When you came to visit I wish I listened to you as your friend instead of turning my back on you. I took away our friendship and our love and how I was able to throw it all away so easily..I'll never know. I am who I am today because of knowing you and growing with you. I'm an incredibly selfish person is what I've come to realize and I'm sorry that you had to be victim to it. How you still talked to me after all this is incredible. You are so much greater of a person than I and you deserve better. I think we both learned so much from this experience. I don't want to remember all the bad things, but the good times we had together. I forgot them so easily because you were so far away. I was never the kind of girl who could do long distance and I'm sorry that I crushed us like this just so that I could be "free" whatever that means because now I just feel so lost.

 

Anyways, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry and I now understand your perspective. I don't want you to feel that I just left you in the dark and am moving on content with my life. That's completely wrong. The further we get from the situation the more I think about it. I should've been there for you when we broke up as your friend even if the I couldn't as your girlfriend. I'm so sorry for that. I betrayed you, backstabbed you, abused our trust and just all around shat on our friendship that we've built for so long. Just know that I'll always love you. You'll always be apart of me. I hope you didn't get that tattoo removed. I love seeing it everyday on my rib cage.

 

I want us to be friends someday. I know it's too soon and the wound is still healing, but I just want you to know that I want friendship. I do. You are still the most interesting, funny, witty, clever and talented person I've ever met. It's just something I've come to realize that we were the best of friends, but as I mentioned before we wandered into love. I had to accept that you were perfect, but not perfect for me. I wanted so badly for you to be, but in my heart I knew it wasn't working and you did too. I was wrong for you too. I wish I could've gently come to this realization instead of leading all hell to break loose. Again, I'm sorry and I hope we can reconnect someday soon when we're both in a better place. I'm Sorry for all the heartache I've caused you. I wish I could just take it from you and place the burden of it on me.

 

-#####"

 

 

Why haven't you blocked her or changed your number? It seems pretty easy to me.

[truth_seeker]

And your first option is the best. She's too full of herself to allow the fact that she's a loser to sink in, no matter how he phrases it. 'Sticking it to her' is just game playing, and will delay his healing.

 

Again, it was just an option I offered up if he couldn't just walk away.

[Mrlonelyone]

Good advice so far. It sounds to me like she cares for you on some level but wants to do it with him more. I'll bet she spends her time wishing he was like you in every mental and emotional way.

 

 

She sounds immature enough to think she can manipulate you to give her emotional intimacy while getting physical satisfaction from him. She is treating you and him like items not people. Forget the 8it*h.

[soulz]

Good advice so far. It sounds to me like she cares for you on some level but wants to do it with him more. I'll bet she spends her time wishing he was like you in every mental and emotional way.

 

 

She sounds immature enough to think she can manipulate you to give her emotional intimacy while getting physical satisfaction from him. She is treating you and him like items not people. Forget the 8it*h.

 

This girl is messed up.. a day before she cried and asked me to come back to her.. she was sleeping with that guy..

im def. not replying to her crazy message..

but, i too get the feeling she i emailing me to just rid herself of her guilt.. eventually when her guilt subsides she wouldn't give a **** about what happens to me.. which is crazy.. i gave this girl so much...

i have blocked her off of everything now.. i feel like i should delete all our pics on Facebook etc etc.. not out of spite, but our of pure self preservation.. what a horrible first love to have.. i hope she regrets this for a long time...

 

oh and theres a very slim chance of bumpin into each other, since we are now living in diff. countries

Edited December 19, 2013 by soulz

[ThatMan]

It's normal for during breakups for an Ex to alleviate him or herself of any guilt. Maybe she wants to use you in order to feel better and see you crawl back. But if you do give her the satisfaction of sending a nasty reply, she'll feel validated in treating you horribly. She'll think you deserved to be cheated on. Instead you should hold onto the memory that you're a descent human being who has a lot to offer somebody else. Healing from this takes time and patience but you'll get there.

 

Self-preservation is a legitimate reason to delete some photos. You have to look after yourself. Nobody will do that for you.

[soulz]

It's normal for during breakups for an Ex to alleviate him or herself of any guilt. Maybe she wants to use you in order to feel better and see you crawl back. But if you do give her the satisfaction of sending a nasty reply, she'll feel validated in treating you horribly. She'll think you deserved to be cheated on. Instead you should hold onto the memory that you're a descent human being who has a lot to offer somebody else. Healing from this takes time and patience but you'll get there.

 

Self-preservation is a legitimate reason to delete some photos. You have to look after yourself. Nobody will do that for you.

 

 

Is it fair for me to think if she was truly sorry she wouldnt be with the person she cheated on me with ?

[legion113]

I would tell her

"I've been thinking a lot about us as well, and I have to say, you are definitely the biggest turd I've ever shat out of my life. It was hard to alleviate myself of you, but I feel better now. Congrats"

[rosedl]

It's an email.

 

They are not hard to delete.

 

Tell her that you do not want further contact with her. Period. Then, block her email, phone, social media contacts....

 

Unless she actually is stalking you and showing up at your house and refusing to leave, it isn't hard to avoid contact.

 

She sounds immature and messed up. Write a civil, short, to the point note.

[soulz]

It's an email.

 

They are not hard to delete.

 

Tell her that you do not want further contact with her. Period. Then, block her email, phone, social media contacts....

 

Unless she actually is stalking you and showing up at your house and refusing to leave, it isn't hard to avoid contact.

 

She sounds immature and messed up. Write a civil, short, to the point note.

 

Heartwrenching to know people can move on so quick.. but to hell with it..

also in her email it seems as if she is sorry for the way it ended and not really for the cheating itself?

she has a tattoo to constantly remind her what a horrible person she was .. i really want to get mine removed

Edited December 20, 2013 by soulz

[ThatMan]

Is it fair for me to think if she was truly sorry she wouldnt be with the person she cheated on me with ?

Sorry...

I cannot answer that because I wouldn't know.

 

Heartwrenching to know people can move on so quick.. but to hell with it..

also in her email it seems as if she is sorry for the way it ended and not really for the cheating itself?

she has a tattoo to constantly remind her what a horrible person she was .. i really want to get mine removed

By all means, feel free to investigate laser removal. There are also plenty of awesome cover-up tattoos out there. Be sure to browse for a good artist if interested. I like to think of it this way: The New Year is right around the corner. I think the act of removing your tattoo will help you recognize that you've begun a fresh new chapter of your life. Things can go forward even if you feel really beat up. Just please be kind to yourself, alright?