broadwaykitten Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 I guess I'm just here for some support or advice to help mend my broken heart. Here's my story: After dating guys who have cheated and broke my heart, I decided I wasn't gonna give up and I gave OkCupid a shot. I met a couple of guys on the site and went on a couple of dates with one who was nice but I just wasn't attracted to him. I eventually went out with the second one and I was not only very attracted to him, we hit it off big time. We got to talking so much on the first date that we didn't realize we were at the restaurant an hour after it closed. And from then on things progressed quickly yet comfortably. He was a Christian (that's important to me) who worked with kids. He was divorced but he wanted to marry again and start a family. He was the sweetest guy you'd ever meet. He introduced me to a married couple who are his best friends. I'll just call them Tim and Beth. They have a toddler whom my guy adored and loved being an uncle to. Two months in, we admitted we were falling for each other and had the talk about being exclusive. He said that's what he wanted. He didn't want to be with anyone else, just us. Soon after we started telling each other we loved each other (frequently) and the sex started. He was the perfect boyfriend. We'd fall asleep holding each other and if we managed to pull apart in our sleep, he'd find his way back to me. Even though he thought I was asleep, he'd tell me he loved me. Soon after we talked about marriage and wanting kids someday. But over time, I realized he seemed much more close to Beth than Tim. I finally asked one day while we were talking about passed relationships if he ever had a crush or a thing for her. He said no and that she was like a sister. The topic came up again when my guy and I were hanging out with both Tim and Beth. Tim made a comment of how close Beth and my boyfriend were. I jokingly asked if anything was going and and she laughed and said, "no way!" Even though everything was "perfect", I kept having this nagging feeling that he wasn't being faithful. It was driving me crazy. I couldn't sleep for a week. I couldn't ask him about it because I had zero reason or evidence besides his close friendship with Beth to think he was cheating. He and I spent as much time together as possible and he always texted back right away or answered his phone. All I had was a feeling. After a week of little sleep, I started to dig a little. I went back to his OkCupid account and checked to see when he last logged in. It had been a while since he had been on; a week or so before we became official. I just almost closed the page until I saw his picture on another account in the side column. I clicked on it and it was his account. He had just logged on that day and in his essay part he said he was looking for a girl to spend his life with but she had to be okay with the fact that he was in a polyamorous relationship with a woman he loved who was married to another man. Cold chills ran up and down my spin. I sent him a screenshot of this account and he texted me back immediately. He said he didn't know how to tell me and he understood if I wanted to end things. I called him demanding an explanation. He said it was true, that he was a poly-partner to a married woman but he hadn't been using that account since me (even though he logged in that day). He'd hoped I'd eventually be okay with it because he loved me too. He didn't tell me because he was scared to lose me and he was already in too deep with me. I asked who it was and he wouldn't tell me. I said he owed me that and he finally admitted that it was Beth. He said it had been going on for a year and her husband was fine with it. I asked why he hadn't stopped it when he met me and he said it was because he loves her. I asked why he started up with me and he said he wanted someone to share his life with and he feel for me too hard, too fast before he could tell me the truth. I asked him to end it and he said he couldn't and he wouldn't because he loved her but he loved me too. I finally said if he didn't end it, it was over between us so he had to choose between Beth and I. He chose her. This all happened the day before yesterday. It's still fresh and raw but it's devestating me. He had so many chances to tell me before we became official and he didn't. I haven't been to work in two days. I didn't even call in, I just didn't show up. I just cry and cry. I just want this heartache to be over soon. My mom once told me that she hates when women say they had no idea their mate was cheating because the woman is the first to know. There could be zero evidence, and not a single alarm but a woman just knows when her guy isn't being faithful. And I hate to say, mama was right. What bothers me the most is how much I miss him and still love him. I almost wish I had never found his second account. I would have saw that he hadn't been on his "original" account, got some relief and wouldn't have been the wiser. I know that sounds crazy but I'm just really hurting. How does one move on from this?
Recommended Posts