Bishop556 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 So my ex broke up with me about a month ago, and is already moving on with another guy, and ****ed two others within a three week time span. I checked her tumblr and she would post messages relating to either sex or the new guy. I asked her anonymous questions, and she eventually caught on that it was me, and confronted me, but I lied to her to save my ass. Well, she confronted me again, and I admitted the truth. She told me that she could never trust me again and that I was harassing her. I feel very guilty not about lying to her, but by being caught. This makes me feel even worse as I now know that I can commit immoral behavior against someone I care about, even if they do not care about me as much. I guess it is a lesson in life to learn, but I feel I am a dirty liar. I feel less of a man to lie to her as someone of true worth would never lie, or they would at least they would own up to it. I know I am just venting, but I feel the need to as this is my only outlet in which those who I do not know can hear me. I do not forgive her actions, but I feel guilty for my own.
Philosoraptor Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Look, you did something stupid that did nothing to help your healing. Feel guilty? The truth has come out so the guilt can lift. Learn from it and don't make the same mistakes in the future.
strive Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Doing something stupid isn't surprising especially when driven by emotions, so don't be too hard on yourself. There are those who have done far worse.
Chi townD Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 So my ex broke up with me about a month ago, and is already moving on with another guy, and ****ed two others within a three week time span. I checked her tumblr and she would post messages relating to either sex or the new guy. I asked her anonymous questions, and she eventually caught on that it was me, and confronted me, but I lied to her to save my ass. Well, she confronted me again, and I admitted the truth. She told me that she could never trust me again and that I was harassing her. I feel very guilty not about lying to her, but by being caught. This makes me feel even worse as I now know that I can commit immoral behavior against someone I care about, even if they do not care about me as much. I guess it is a lesson in life to learn, but I feel I am a dirty liar. I feel less of a man to lie to her as someone of true worth would never lie, or they would at least they would own up to it. I know I am just venting, but I feel the need to as this is my only outlet in which those who I do not know can hear me. I do not forgive her actions, but I feel guilty for my own. LOL! I needed a good laugh today! She could never trust you?!?! Give me a break. She screwed three guys WITHIN three weeks of ending it with you! Even though you're not dating anymore; still, it kinda tells me where you stood with her. She NEVER mourned the loss of the relationship and she NEVER mourned the loss of you. She never cared! So, for her to say she's butt hurt that you questioned something on AN OPEN SOCIAL FORUM is extremely laughable. Point is she's upset that you caught her being a slut and she's upset that you now know the truth about her. Don't feel guilty about finding out about the truth. Because I speculate she left the relationship and let you believe that the demise of the relationship was entirely your fault. But, the fact is she left because she was looking to bed anything with a penis. You don't need someone like that in your life. Move on dude. Block her from all social media. Go NC on her. Completely dark. By the way, what did you say that got you caught?
Author Bishop556 Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 I asked her "What was your last sexual experience?". She posted the day before "On a scale of 1 through 10, how inappropriate would it be to invite a guy I did the frick frack with to get a ride home in my mom's car?", so it was a reply to this.
Chi townD Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Yeah, she's not worth your time. I don't know too many ladies that have any class that would openly gloat about their sexual conquests on an open forum. Move on, she isn't worth it. Plenty of real women out there that have at least some level of self respect.
Haydn Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Classy lady, well out of it my son! I asked her "What was your last sexual experience?". She posted the day before "On a scale of 1 through 10, how inappropriate would it be to invite a guy I did the frick frack with to get a ride home in my mom's car?", so it was a reply to this.
Author Bishop556 Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 Well, my ex told me that the reason she was having sex was because she was "coping" with the loss. I find that to be total horse****. Even if she did have sex, why would you post that information on a public website? Out of respect for ex, wouldn't you keep that information to yourself? I think she is just emotionally immature. ****, it feels that my entire viewpoint on her has been shattered. I feel angry and betrayed.
Philosoraptor Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Um, she really doesn't owe you anything. It's not disrespectful to you for her to talk about what she's doing with her life after you two aren't together anymore. She has the right to do whatever she wants... she does have free will you know. You have the same free will which means you could stop stalking her and avoid any extra pain. 3
carhill Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 OP, consider the matter resolved and use this opportunity to identify the take-away from this life experience in that, when you break up, the relationship is terminated and you move on. You process 'move on' in your own way, as does your partner, and exclusively. As you get more practice, the process will become more clear and easily traversed. You now have experienced one path and the results, which apparently you found unhealthy. OK, now try a different path next time. Good luck.
jimloveslips Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 She's moved on (several times!) and you're broke up about lying? Chalk up the whole situation to experience and try not to make the same mistakes. You will though...
seekingpeaceinlove Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 You f*cked up big time in this relationship (raised a fist to her) and you feel "angry and betrayed" by what she's been doing AFTER breaking up with you? I'm done. I can't.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 I wouldnt worry about that.. I checked my ex's email, FB & POF account... I dont care really if he had have been honest I wouldnt have had to find stuff out for myself... I just called it 'getting my own closure'... should have told the truth... I know its probably very wrong but I cant say Im too bothered about it x
rosedl Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Welcome to the crazy world of breakups. Stop berating yourself. You confessed. None of us are perfect. Stop torturing yourself by trying to follow her online and respect her space and that you are broken up. In most cases, one person has a lot harder time with the break up then the other. The online world makes it so much more difficult. Where as once people used to drive by the ex's house to see if another car might be there...now, there are up to the minute live reports available.....all too easy when one is feeling weak to fall out of grace... Forgive yourself. Most everyone I know who has gone through a break up has done something to check up on their ex online.....human beings are pretty imperfect people! 1
Haydn Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 I was quite often battered by my ex. I never raised a hand to her. She used to stand in front of me screaming and punching saying. `Go on Haydn hit me you know you want to`. I never wanted to. Not once. I only felt pity that she could punch me repeatedly for me talking to one of friends on the phone at the wrong time. She was frankly bonkers. (Yes but i stayed, sigh.......) You f*cked up big time in this relationship (raised a fist to her) and you feel "angry and betrayed" by what she's been doing AFTER breaking up with you? I'm done. I can't.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Whew, Haydn, that sounds like it was brutal. I hope you heal yourself and gain enough self love and confidence that you never stay with someone who treats you that way ever again. I was raised in a physically and emotionally abusive household which manifested into me verbally abusing my 1st bf. I still feel horrible when I think about that time. It took many years and a lot of hard work but I am a 100% changed person now...thank goodness. We all have the ability to control ourselves and it is a very powerful thing indeed. We cannot control others but we can control how we react to them. If someone you're dating treats you badly, you have the choice to walk away. If they treat you well, choose to treat them better. I firmly believe that we are our own source of happiness and once you trust and believe in yourself...you are essentially invincible. Easier said than done but my goal is to practice controlling my emotions & gaining happiness through positive thinking and choices. I was quite often battered by my ex. I never raised a hand to her. She used to stand in front of me screaming and punching saying. `Go on Haydn hit me you know you want to`. I never wanted to. Not once. I only felt pity that she could punch me repeatedly for me talking to one of friends on the phone at the wrong time. She was frankly bonkers. (Yes but i stayed, sigh.......) 1
Author Bishop556 Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 (edited) Seekingpeaceinlove, you are right. I need to focus and develop myself. I have made mistakes in the past, but I know deep in my heart that I am a loving human being. I might be experiencing depression, but everyone can change and become a better person with time. I feel I need to reevaluate who I am, and then in time, communicate with my ex when things die down for both of us just to apologize for my behavior. However, I am going to give her time to heal and not communicate with me. She deserves that. If I have the capacity to love and treat someone with respect for most of our relationship, then I know I can do this again for someone else. I have a dark side of myself that I must address. No one should ever raise their hand against anyone, and I am guilty of this, and despite the fact I was undergoing a panic attack, I need to address myself and learn from this experience. I can be abusive and that terrifies me. I am not an abusive man, but I have the capacity to greatly hurt someone. Someday, maybe she can forgive me for my actions. I do not want reconciliation, I only want to show her that I am not that man that she saw that night. Edited December 19, 2013 by Bishop556
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