NoClue2 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 So, me and my ex broke up about a month and a half ago. The break up was mutual, though initiated by me. We talked drunkenly about a week after we broke up but then I went no contact. He tried calling once when he was drinking about 4 weeks after and I didn't respond. Then, I get a call last week when he's completely sober. He says he misses me, wishes things hadn't worked out the way they had, never stopped thinking about me, wishes we could try again, to which I said I don't know. I told him I missed him too and that I'd call him later that night. I never did. I needed time to process what had been said. I missed him the entire time and never expected a call, especially to say everything he said, but our relationship was not great, though I had genuine feelings for him and from what he expressed during the relationship he did too. On this phone call he admitted he wished he would have tried harder and that we hadn't just given up on it, that he missed everything about me. So I end up texting him Friday to meet me at a bar. He just says he misses me again, wishes he could see me. I just said goodnight. I decide that I owe him a call when I'm sober so I call him Saturday. We make plans for Sunday, says he'll call me at noon. Well, he never called, and I haven't heard from him since. Like what the hell??? He sounded so excited on the phone that we finally made plans and we were gonna see each other. And then nothing? And just so no one thinks that I'm playing games with him, he was an idiot with other women during our relationship. Seemed like he was always looking for whatever else was out there when he was with me, though I don't think he actually every cheated. He was a major flirt though and that was why we broke up. So what the hell? Here I am thinking maybe he actually realized what he had, but then he pulls this ****. Any opinions on this?? I haven't contacted him and don't plan to.
ponchsox Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Getting back means you come back to the same things that weren't working in the relationship. It's not magically going to change just because you miss each other. You both need to move on from this. 1
KatZee Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 He didn't have eyes for only you IN the relationship, so why would he have eyes for you out of it? He said things that probably said that shouldn't have been. Maybe he wanted the ego boost to see if you were still around. 1
Author NoClue2 Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 He called me completely sober and said those things. We didn't talk drunk except when we first broke up.
bmh Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 He has someone else more than likely.....like others said probably needed an ego boost....he got it...drunk or not. Move on.
Winter blue Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Like the others mentioned, he called you saying he misses you is probably to give himself an ego boost, you, by saying you misses him too, kinda satisfied that feeling. So he is probably happily knowing that you are still there if he wants you, hence the stopping contact from his end. It's a shame once a relationship is broken we are all kinda forced into playing mind games with the exs, guessing what's in their mind and what might be their next move etc. I say, the best for you now is to stop contacting him and let him come to his sense, if he really does miss you, and want you back (he gotta say it and mean it), then he will be in touch again. Meanwhile, you should go live your life to the fullest and do not wait around. Usually the moment you move on the ex will reach out. 1.5 month sounds too short for an old failed relationship to become worth trying again, because neither of you have changed or evolved from your old problems, giving the short time frame. 2
headinthecloud Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 (edited) 6wks is still way too soon after a BU to be in contact with one another. You need at least 3mos and even then it's unlikely someone has truly changed but the emotional shock of the BU would likely have subsided by then. The emotional highs and lows would have smoothed out. This was definitely a breadcrumb from him; an ego boost. But don't be disappointed because you handled yourself well. He obviously manipulates people to keep his ego inflated and make himself feel important - respected. The irony is that to those who are genuine in their personality will see through the facade. He does not love you selflessly. You're looking for someone who will protect and provide. He is not that guy. While you might be that kind of girl, and he is smart enough to recognize it and knows that he shouldn't let you go his pride prevents him from thinking and behaving in a healthy way. Any man who truly loves a woman will do anything NOT to hurt her. And that includes not flirting with other women if it knowingly hurts his GF/wife/partner. He sounds self absorbed an while that confidence and charm reeled you in it sounds like you're self esteem knows he's bad news in the long run and that your future would be drama filled and, eventually, heartbroken. The links below are to a couple helpful threads - good reminders. Be strong. Go back to full NC and get back to who you are - happy and confident. He is in the past now so keep moving forward. You will get through this. The whys don't matter anymore, but it's normal to keep asking them until one day you'll be indifferent. Edited December 18, 2013 by headinthecloud 1
Author NoClue2 Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 Thanks guys Surprisingly, I feel better about everything now then I did in the month and a half that we were broken up. And saying it was a boost to his ego opened up my eyes. He definitely has a huge ego, I should have known better that a month apart wouldn't wake him up. I think this is kind of "closure", he is the jerk I thought he was. Now he's woken me up, and I can find a good man since I know all the warning signs of a player now haha.. I won't be contacting him, and won't be answering any of his calls ever again. Done with that.
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