incognus Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 We work together, had a pretty rough breakup..had to see each other everyday, her coping mechanism was to act like I didn't exist. Which I took as she resented me, and it actually helped me move on cause no one wants to chase someone that doesn't respect or like you. Since we've broken up, I've decided to move back to my hometown, the news got around to her and she sends me a random text one morning saying she would like for us to meet and talk before I moved. That she's sorry about how she acted after the breakup, and would like to repair a friendship. I agreed that it was a good idea and said whenever she was ready for her to contact me... This little exchange sent me into a deep pool of confusion because things went from me thinking I'd never talk to this girl again to having an opportunity to gain deeper closure before I move..my mind has been racing over the last couple weeks..we've been playing text tag on when we will actually meet but I feel its going to be soon cause she has been adamant that she still wants to (she stood me up on Monday, but said something came up unexpectedly). And the whole dynamic of how I feel has changed...I don't know what she wants to say...I don't know what to say to her...I don't think I want her back or anything but I may still have feelings for her..ihave thought about her alot (mostly trying to rationalize the guilt I feel for attempting to cheat, which is what we ended to relationship on) but by that time, the fire was dead, and I'm all but certain she had someone on the side as well... I haven't pushed communication, cause I don't want to come across as needy or still hung up on her..we see each other at work now, we speak, but its weird for me now..she went so long without acknowledging my presence, now all of a sudden she can "see me"...its so strange to me. After monday fell thru, she said she wanted to try for wed, its still in the air as of this post if that will happen, but I really don't know what to expect...maybe she's harboring guilt I don't know about?..should I tell her I still care?..I spent a lot of time paranoid about the motive behind her ignorance of me over the last half a year...its hard to let that go and be cheerful around her, but I want to try...I want to move knowing we are on good terms..
legion113 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 "I haven't pushed communication, cause I don't want to come across as needy or still hung up on her" If you still give a rats ass about what she may think of you, then you aren't ready to meet up with her yet. I mean come on she asks to meet you then bails? She's playing with you again. You're 6 months out, she'll twist you and mess with your mind and you'll be right back at day one after the break up. Tell her you changed your mind, say you've decided you can't be bothered to meet at all, then IGNORE her. 1
organizedchaos Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 So, OP, you just want to be friends with her now? You're cool with that? Because that's all she's offering.
EuTuBrute Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Listen to legion... Ex did the same thing to me 6 months out of a 2.5 relationship. She asked to get coffee and bailed.. They just want an ego boost. Maybe your relation can get another go years from now, but no is not the time
Author incognus Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 (edited) Well I'm moving in a month, so if she wants to play games, ill be on the otherside of the state so it won't matter to me, I can honestly say i still care, but I don't want anything but friendship honestly maybe a text here and there in the future to check on her...as much as the breakup hurt, I KNOW we don't belong together, I've moved on.......if after tomorrow she stands me up again, then ill be back to ignoring her, and as far as I'm concerned, it'll be her loss, and that alone will be my closurethat'll be super disappointing cause iwould never think shed be capable of something that blatant....but I want to give her the benefit of the doubt cause she was never the type of girl to play games like that..I want to believe she genuinely wants to just catch up before I move and to clear the air..she's not the malicious type She sent a long text to me a week or so ago saying that she wanted to talk to me a long time ago but couldn't put herself up to do it and that was her fault she admits..she said she feels shes Inna better place mentally than she was back then, so it sounds like there's no foul play going on...you guys have me second guessing this now...but like I said, ill let tomorrow guage this whole thing.. I did originally tell her how much it confused me and I did co out of meeting her, but curiosity got the best of me, and I re agreed to meet up...we agreed the negative energy between us at work is not needed, andwe seem to both want this...but I'm still giving her her space and being patient...like I sent a msg earlier this evening telling her I'm free tomorrow if she still wanted to try again ...no response..sso its on her to eventually answer tomorrow.... this was HER idea..so if she backs out..that'll be something ill just deal with Edited December 18, 2013 by incognus
Author incognus Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 (edited) Well....this will not end well.... You seem to have a very pessimistic paradigm...if the worst happens, I can't let it affect me..if she flakes out, she flakes out..it'll just let me know where we stand and I can move on i refuse to let this happen if it has to be purely on her terms. Ill just move at the end of the month and leave the bridge burned like my original plan was in the first place..I mean, we have a little deeper history than just a fling me and this girl lived together before. We shared a big chunk of our lives, So I would think she has feelings left over as well. I'm ok with whatever comes of this, but if she's not serious, I would have rather her not contacted me again..like I said, we'll see..I just know the rules to the game, and my pride is not going to let me chase this broad down and make her talk..I respect whatever she may be doing with her life away from work and whatever new relationship she may be in....if its meant for us to see each other outside of work again, it'll materialize..if not, I won't be torn up..ill just close that chapter for good Edited December 18, 2013 by incognus
AlphaC Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 (edited) You seem to have a very pessimistic paradigm...if the worst happens, I can't let it affect me..if she flakes out, she flakes out..it'll just let me know where we stand and I can move on i refuse to let this happen if it has to be purely on her terms. Ill just move at the end of the month and leave the bridge burned like my original plan was in the first place..I mean, we have a little deeper history than just a fling me and this girl lived together before. We shared a big chunk of our lives, So I would think she has feelings left over as well. I'm ok with whatever comes of this, but if she's not serious, I would have rather her not contacted me again..like I said, we'll see..I just know the rules to the game, and my pride is not going to let me chase this broad down and make her talk..I respect whatever she may be doing with her life away from work and whatever new relationship she may be in....if its meant for us to see each other outside of work again, it'll materialize..if not, I won't be torn up..ill just close that chapter for good I think Legion is being real with you... it's not going to end well. This woman is playing with your emotions, that nonsense about "she wanted to talk to you earlier, but she was not right mentally" blah blah blah. Then she sets a date to meet and bails out, she has you thinking something unexpected came up? You know what that unexpected event was, that was her bf asking to see her. She lived with you in the past, you guys have a history together, that was the past. Don't worry about her guilt, let her worry about that. You are still in love with this girl and you want another chance, hence your posting in the "second chances" section of LS. If I were you I would move and not let her know, if she contacts you and wants to meet tell her to take a drive, make her work for it. If she wants to see you tonight tell her you can't because your friends are getting together for a farewell dinner for you. Your friends should take priority over her, fact! Another thing, it's been 6 months, you should have dated other girls by now. If you haven't you are still stuck on her, you have what's called "oneitis." I would start dating other women before deciding to meet her for coffee. She has been with other guys for sure. Oh and before I forget, you "attempted to cheat" and you feel this caused the break up, that's BS. Meanwhile you feel she was cheating too? Come on dude I will be honest with you, women are very forgiving of cheaters, they expect that in men, that's why they call us dogs - woof.... they love a man with options. The guy who she is now was probably luring her in when she was with you, that cat is a player, an exciting man who probably has multiple women, he is not strung out on her, he knows her head is not on right after ending an LTR with you, but his confidence, his ability to handle multiple women is what attracted her to him. Again, women will never look the gift horse in the face but it's 100000 percent true, they love a player! Why do you think athletes and musicians have so many women? I would rather cheat on a girl and get dumped, than get dumped for being a wuss. I rather be labeled a "bad man" by a woman than a soft weak one. Women love men who are strong, never apologize, keep your head up and I agree with legion, it will not end well for you unless you man up. Edited December 18, 2013 by AlphaC 1
Author incognus Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 (edited) I'm not suffering from one itis I attempted to cheat, we tried to make it work, but I ended it cause I felt the relationship wasn't worth saving......I do have other women in my life right now they are just for sex, but I do have options... But yeah, talking this out with you guys and sleeping on it is making me not want to be bothered any longer..forget it...I wanted the awkwardness of us being around each other at work to go away, us being on good terms was something I wanted but forget it, ill just turn her down and ride it out until I move. When (if) she writes me back, I will have made plans and tell her I don't think this is a good idea any longer.I posted here because I didn't know what to expect or how to read this situation I don't want a relationship w her again, I won't be here to develop it even if I did, but I suppose I have clarity from bringing it to you guys..things are over between us and they need to remain that way. Edited December 18, 2013 by incognus
legion113 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Good for you. Do you know when it stopped being awkward being around my ex at work? When I stopped giving a crap about her. That's when you really know you're over her. I'm not being a pessimist. Look at it this way, and this is what I do with myself when I'm trying to figure something out. I pretend that one of my guy friends comes to me with the same problem, I'd listen to them, like we read your story. When you look at it objectively, what would you be telling your friend? If you read your own story and replaced you with one of your friends and your ex with his girlfriend, what would you be telling your friend? RUUUUN!!!! RUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!! 1
Author incognus Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 (edited) Well, now I'm starting to feel a bit angry..but like I said, now I know where she stands...I'm not saying another word to this chick...I'm shocked and appalled, but I guess you guys saw it coming and I didn't...eff her. Edited December 18, 2013 by incognus
AlphaC Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Well, now I'm starting to feel a bit angry..but like I said, now I know where she stands...I'm not saying another word to this chick...I'm shocked and appalled, but I guess you guys saw it coming and I didn't...eff her. yeah forget her, she will call you in the near future when her BF dumps her. When that happens tell her to take a drive, keep her waiting, when she arrives across state tell her "something came up" and send her back home. She played herself... FACT! Either way, you will be alright brother.
Author incognus Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 (edited) yeah forget her, she will call you in the near future when her BF dumps her. When that happens tell her to take a drive, keep her waiting, when she arrives across state tell her "something came up" and send her back home. She played herself... FACT! Either way, you will be alright brother. I havent moved quite yet, we still work together and I will have to see her each day at work next week, but I am not going to address her any more, and when she takes the initiative to approach me or call me, that's when I will tell her I no longer want to meet being she hasn't respected my time.. That's why I'm a little lost on why she chooses to be this way, because she declared she wasover how wwe've been at work until this point, but I'd rather us go back to that than to chase her down and kiss up behind her like I'm the only one that wanted to meet up...there's no way once I move that she would drive to see me, once I'm gone that's it..so if this is how she wants to be during these final week's...then that's on her Edited December 18, 2013 by incognus
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