alazlam Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Long story short, I'm currently trying to break up with my bf of 1.5 years (and yeahh, I did post earlier about moving out, etc)... I've been reading stories of people's heartbreak all day on this forum. And I've been in those shoes, too...after 8 years of a serious relationship, I was let go out of the blue. Up until then, I had never experienced so much emotional pain. Honestly, reading your stories and knowing first-hand what it feels like does not make this easier. Every day I'm lying, delaying, thinking I should try harder...I know he is going to be furious with me, and I'm not sure how to handle that. Let him berate me? How much abuse should I take to repay for causing him so much pain? And will he be ok? That worries me the most. Of course I want to comfort him, be there as a friend, but I know that is impossible....and unethical. I do not want to give false hope. Unfortunately, it will be a blindside for him. I know those are brutal. In my defense, I have tried to break up with him twice previously...I've told him I'm unhappy...but I feel like he chooses to ignore it or downplay it. Since then, I've been trying to "just be happy," but...that feeling of dissatisfaction always comes back. I just want more out of life (is that possibly GIGS?). Anyway, I guess I just wanted to ask for advice on how you would have wanted to be broken up with, how would you handle this? Thanks again, everybody.
ponchsox Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 My ex gf broke up with me 3 months ago. I was hurt and felt very betrayed. I can tell you the worse thing to do is to contact them after the breakup (either initiate or answer them). Answering texts and calls will only set them back and when he doesn't hear what he wants to hear, he's going to lash out at you and say hurtful things. If you respect him, you will let him go for good.
Never Again Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 If you told him you were unhappy and gave him the reasons why, and still saw no change, then you shouldn't feel bad about it. I believe that every healthy relationship deserves a chance, and that people should communicate and TRY, but it feels like you've done that. Do not cry. Do not get emotional or drag this out. Just tell him, to his face, that it's not working. Do not give excuses or try to explain. Don't wimp out and tell him that there's a chance it could work out down the road. Do not contact him again. Ever. As the dumper, you have the benefit of saying you feel like no contact is best so that both of you can move on.
Kevin_D Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 If you told him you were unhappy and gave him the reasons why, and still saw no change, then you shouldn't feel bad about it. I believe that every healthy relationship deserves a chance, and that people should communicate and TRY, but it feels like you've done that. This is what I'm talking about. One thing though. In my experience, many girls are just "hinting" that something is wrong. They might say something like: "I feel so unhappy today. I don't know what it is, but something doesn't feel right". For a guy, it would be natural to reply like this. "I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm sure you'll feel better soon. Let's watch a movie, that will cheer you up". And the girl will instantly think that the guy doesn't understand her the slightest. However, this is not how you address problems. You must sit down, talk to eye-to-eye and tell him "I'm not happy in the relationship anymore, something has to change or we cannot be together. I want more of life, I want to travel, I want to meet new people blah blah blah". If you've told him this several times and he doesn't seem to care, you have a very good reason to break up with him I would say.
Author alazlam Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 The two times I tried to break up with him were after fights. I really meant it at the time but didn't have the balls or the strength to go through with it either. I regret that. And when I told him I was unhappy it was along the lines of "our relationship feels mismatched" and him asking "are you happy being with me?" to which I replied no, and then he got mad and seemed bewildered, asking "what could you possibly be unhappy about? You are so lucky," etc. So I've been trying to reconcile my feelings internally for a while now, as I'm really prone to taking all the blame and believing I'm the one that needs to change in any situation... Yeah this whole ordeal has been a pretty intense life lesson, ha...
Haydn Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Leave him now. Do not look back. It will hurt him a lot but your honesty will be better than keeping him guessing. Do it friend. I wish my ex had done this before the whole thing got out of hand. Take care The two times I tried to break up with him were after fights. I really meant it at the time but didn't have the balls or the strength to go through with it either. I regret that. And when I told him I was unhappy it was along the lines of "our relationship feels mismatched" and him asking "are you happy being with me?" to which I replied no, and then he got mad and seemed bewildered, asking "what could you possibly be unhappy about? You are so lucky," etc. So I've been trying to reconcile my feelings internally for a while now, as I'm really prone to taking all the blame and believing I'm the one that needs to change in any situation... Yeah this whole ordeal has been a pretty intense life lesson, ha...
Recommended Posts