cattas Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 I had a brief 2-ish weeks of talking / flirting / video chat / emails / calls / etc. with a guy I (sure this sounds stupid now) thought I would have a good relationship with. We knew each other for years but every time I tried to get close, he would end up ignoring me, just to come back. I knew I shouldn't have trusted him months ago when this happened, but I did anyway. He explained things away and seemed different. It was different--briefly, but eventually he insulted me out of nowhere, and when I got upset, seemed uncaring and brushed me off. Then, same old pattern. Ignoring. I hadn't wronged him. He stopped talking to me, so I stopped trying to talk to him. A month later he texted me, acting clueless as to why we weren't talking, I responded, then he continued on ignoring me. I really want to ask him what is so wrong with me that he would treat me that way. I want to ask him why he didn't want to tell me he wasn't interested. Obviously he isn't / never was. I want to know what is so defective and repulsive about me so that I can try to fix it so that it never happens again.....but I don't want to give in and talk to him. I want him to regret treating me that way....but that likely won't ever happen (much less by talking to him). Can anyone explain why I feel the urge to ask him things? Why I keep trying to justify making contact? There is no real reason to make contact I'm sure.
Philosoraptor Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 You're obtaining your feelings of adequacy from the opinion of someone else. That is a problem. No one needs to like you and they owe you no explanation of why they don't. You need to work on this internal issue as your self esteem is lacking if you require the approval of others.
stillafool Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 I think you want to know why he rejects you and this rejection is what is making you basically chase him. The truth is his level of interest in you is not the same as your interest in him. No you should not talk to him about it because he is just going to hurt your feelings. He may not mean to hurt you but if he tells you the truth you will be hurt. You need to search yourself to find out why you continue to chase a man who doesn't have an interest in having a romantic relationship with you. There are alot of men out there and you deserve someone who actually wants you. 1
Zahara Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 (edited) I really want to ask him what is so wrong with me that he would treat me that way. I want to ask him why he didn't want to tell me he wasn't interested. Obviously he isn't / never was. I want to know what is so defective and repulsive about me so that I can try to fix it so that it never happens again.....Can anyone explain why I feel the urge to ask him things? Why I keep trying to justify making contact? There is no real reason to make contact I'm sure. While that sentence was a sad reflection as to how you view yourself, it also should be a wake up call to you that you have to do something about how poorly you value yourself. You're tearing yourself to shreds because some emotionally stunted and unavailable goon isn't interested in you. Fact is that people aren't always going to like you, love you, find you interesting, etc. You may feel differently but just because they don't doesn't mean you're lacking. Why aren't you looking at him as an untrustworthy, immature and selfish person -- a flawed individual rather than taking responsibility for his behavior by calling yourself defective and repulsive? I'm sure you have friends and family that love you so what does that say about who you are and what you have to offer? Just because one moron gives you the run around, you're repulsive? C'mon now. Value yourself. Not every guy will be into you. It happens to everyone. You just have to accept that he isn't and move on. There is no point contacting and trying to persuade him to feel otherwise. Keeping in contact with him and his constant rejection is YOU enabling someone to treat you badly and you enabling someone to devalue you and rip at your own self-esteem. Stop it. Go NC on him. Edited December 18, 2013 by Zahara
Author cattas Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 Thank you all for your helpful responses. I was confused because he said things like he loved me / wanted to be with me etc., then turned around and hurt me and ignored me. You're all correct--giving him any of my time is giving someone the ability to hurt me. Thank you Philosoraphtor, stillafool, and Zahara. Especially this, really hit me (below). I have pretty much no self esteem...and I didn't realize it was a factor here. I guess that's something to work on when I am able. While that sentence was a sad reflection as to how you view yourself, it also should be a wake up call to you that you have to do something about how poorly you value yourself. You're tearing yourself to shreds because some emotionally stunted and unavailable goon isn't interested in you. Fact is that people aren't always going to like you, love you, find you interesting, etc. You may feel differently but just because they don't doesn't mean you're lacking. Why aren't you looking at him as an untrustworthy, immature and selfish person -- a flawed individual rather than taking responsibility for his behavior by calling yourself defective and repulsive? I'm sure you have friends and family that love you so what does that say about who you are and what you have to offer? Just because one moron gives you the run around, you're repulsive? C'mon now. Value yourself. Not every guy will be into you. It happens to everyone. You just have to accept that he isn't and move on. There is no point contacting and trying to persuade him to feel otherwise. Keeping in contact with him and his constant rejection is YOU enabling someone to treat you badly and you enabling someone to devalue you and rip at your own self-esteem. Stop it. Go NC on him.
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