bohica Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 (edited) I work out at a small mixed martial arts gym. Everyone pretty much knows each other even on the most casual level. There is this girl that I have been seeing there for almost a year that I am so attracted to and would love to let her know it. At the very least I'd like to get to know her a little. She is a bit younger then me. I think 10 or 12 yrs. I'm 45. The problem is that she is really in close with the trainers and owners and some other people who go. She is never ever alone. She's always training one on one or talking with someone she knows. She gets a bit of attention but I keep my distance. I'm friendly but not overly social at this gym. A lot of work is being put in. I don't make too much conversation and don't get too involved with gym talk. I like it that way. The people she talks to know me to that extent. I just can't seem to find a moment when she's alone to talk to her. From the moment she walks in to the moment she leaves she's with someone. There is almost no communication between us. A few hello, how are you or a wave from a distance is all there has been. On top of it all I'm a little tongue tied with her. I don't give her the attention others do. I've even tried to not pay attention to her. To the point where she may think I'm unfriendly. It's gotten to the point that I thought of sending her a facebook message. Were both on the gym page. I've seen her. I know that may not be a good idea. I waited outside the other day for when she left but didn't approach her cause I thought that would look weird too. Thoughts, suggestions? Edited December 18, 2013 by bohica
ascendotum Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 In my gym if a woman is reasonably good looking and working out in the free weight section where most of the guys work out, she is going to have a guy or two always hanging around, unless she has a less friendly attitude and is very focused on her workout then guys get the message. If she has a great sexy body then the PTs will tend to hang around her and give her advice or else a number of the body builder guys will be sucking up to her with training advice or helping to work out. You get competition....and in your case you have no idea if she is single even. To me your best strategy is to : start up a conversation with her in regards to her workout/goals, then introduce yourself and get her name. I know its much easier to do this when she is on her own, but maybe take the opportunity when she is standing around between sets. Say hi xxxx whenever you see her then. Sometimes have a convo, sometimes skip it depending on what her mood is or who is standing there next to her. Anyway if you feel you get a good vibe off her, then can ask her out, but its not going to be easy if she has some other guy buzzing around her all the time. The best time will be catch her when she is going to the toilet/locker room/water dispenser, and time it so you just happen to be doing the same thing. If you know her regular schedule you could arrange your gym session so you finish up around the same time she does and start up a more personal convo with her as she is leaving the place. Have your car parked near hers.
Author bohica Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 There is no 'sets' or water dispenser breaks. This is a mma/boxing gym. No body builders. Its a tight knit small gym with some matts, heavy bags, a ring and an octagon. Anyway, the opportunities that may present themselves in a typical gym aren't there. 1
truth_seeker Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Anyone there you can confide in? Find out discreetly if she has a boyfriend? Maybe arrange a gym night out? If there is a UFC PPV get her and others to meet out a bar?
Author bohica Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 Sounds like a good idea but like I said I don't hang with them really. She's also only there once a week.
Author bohica Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 Anyone there you can confide in? Find out discreetly if she has a boyfriend? Maybe arrange a gym night out? If there is a UFC PPV get her and others to meet out a bar? Not really. Not anyone that I can say for sure wouldn't say anything. It really is a small gym and anyone who knows her is much closer to her them me. I don't know about the sending a message thing. Maybe I just need to wait for her outside and pull the trigger. I don't want to look like a creepy stalker though. Any women out there that would like to weigh in on this?
MidwestUSA Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Woman here. Do NOT message her via Facebook. It's lame (if she's interested, she'll wonder why you didn't simply approach her in huge gym) and borderline stalkerish, altho, I'll admit, if you're both on the gym page it's a little less creepy. Wait until you know she's leaving and walk to the door with her. Don't go outside first and wait. Ideally, tho, you'd just get over the fear and walk up to her. Good luck! 1
truth_seeker Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 I say organize a night out with people from the gym and invite her. All you have to do is go up to her and say: "Hey, a bunch of us are going to this spot for drinks, you're welcomed to join us." It's friendly and no hint of hitting on her.
StanMusial Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Challenge her to a no holds barred death match. 1
deathandtaxes Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 I say organize a night out with people from the gym and invite her. All you have to do is go up to her and say: "Hey, a bunch of us are going to this spot for drinks, you're welcomed to join us." It's friendly and no hint of hitting on her. I'll second this. It's a really good way of getting to know everybody better. Especially with some beer involved. Who doesn't love beer? Loosens the tongue a lot.
fortyninethousand322 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 I never talk to girls at the gym. I'm there to workout they're there to workout not socialize or cruise for dates. And I'm not asking most women to spot me on the bench press either... 1
jba10582 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 As you become more and more familiar with the regulars and staff at the gym start talking to them, and, make them friendly aquaintances, and, say hi....I noticed you're doing "(whatever workout they are doing)...what kind of goals do you have, will this work for what I am trying to do...". and, as you tell them a little bit about what you are there for you can compare to see what works for them, and, there typically little resistance to these kinds of questions, especially, when it is coming from a place of genuine interest, even from dudes who look intimdating are pretty open to these things...naturally, you can take this to other levels such as sports, or maybe they work somewhere interesting, and obviously into combat sports, or maybe they are training for a firefighter test, or maybe doing yoga as well, and, you can ask about the classes and how they have helped. They will typically open up to you fairly quickly and tell you there name, and may even ask if you ever need anything, like a spot or something to let them know in the future. A lot of gym goers are really into sports, and ESPN is on almost everywhere, so, if you are up to date with that, its not uncommon to strike up a conversation, such as why Nick Saban, keeps changing his mind on whether he is staying at Bama or heading to Tejas or something similiar. Then, as you become more and more friendly and familiar with people, talking to anybody there will seem more and more natural, and the girls will not see you as a creeper because you become a regular there that just happens to know a lot of people. One girl come all the way accross the gym to ask if I was going to use a set 10 lb dumbells, and I was kind of dumbfounded at this request, as I was talking to another person about their deep sea fishing they took a few months back. You'll probably recognize the really intense people there and super dedicated bodybuilder types who just work out and leave, (there will be a few), but in my experience, they will be only a few. Even then ask them what supplements they take (or more) and they will probably go on and on about their routine, diet, supplements and more then you want to know anywya. So, hopefully these baby steps can get you closer to your goals or talking to this woman. Maybe when you do this she'll even strike up a conversation with you.
Author bohica Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 (edited) @jba I am familiar with the staff. It's not your traditional gym environment. I get what your trying to say though. - Thanks I went to the gym last night and there was a ladies plyo session happening and she was there. Again, no opportunity to talk. We caught eyes once from across the gym and I gave her a little smile as I sometimes do. I am very self conscious that she's on to me so I continue to keep a low profile and try not to look her way too much but I wait for the opportunity. btw..I am also freaked out that she may be on here reading this at this very moment and figuring it all out so I am a bit of a social anxiety nut job. I was almost done with my session when I noticed the plyo session ending and the girls leaving. By the time I went to change and leave she was gone. No opportunity to leave when she does as someone suggested. So I want some thoughts on this.... It turns out that she is a relative of someone I once did a photo session for ( I am a photographer) and I thought I'd send a FB message saying hi this is so and so and I have this picture of your said relative and thought you would like it for yourself or to give as a holiday gift for someone....etc...etc...along those lines. Foot in the door, cheesy, still creepy ?? Thoughts....??? Female perspective again would be great. Edited December 19, 2013 by bohica
Sunfire73 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Eh, Fb message is ok. But I would like to be approached by small talks initially. Don't want to be stared at, that's creepy. There was a guy at my gym that kept on staring, and it creeped me out. The group night out sounds fun too, something like happy hour.
Author bohica Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 Eh, Fb message is ok. But I would like to be approached by small talks initially. Don't want to be stared at, that's creepy. There was a guy at my gym that kept on staring, and it creeped me out. The group night out sounds fun too, something like happy hour. I am sorry. I don't know what 'eh' stands for. I don't stare. Like I said I actually avoid looking. We do catch eyes once in a while and I'll say hi. Sometimes it happens on accident, that when I feel like she's on to me and I look like a creep. Lol....
MidwestUSA Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 The photo of the relative thing - my thought is no. Again, it shows you 'researched' her. Creepy. What if she happens to despise this relative in your photo?
Onethirtyeight Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Didn't read the whole thread but my $.02 are talk to her at least once before contacting her on FB and that you should go for it. You can actually use the fact she's not alone to make that first conversation less awkward if you're shy.
jba10582 Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 So...I re-read what you were saying about this...and since you say its a close knit group where everyone knows everyone on a casual basis, what is the problem with talking to her, especially in this setting, you'll have plenty of people to have a conversation with even if she is hanging around someone else or not. Plus if that were the case, you would already have something in common with that other person she is talking to at that time. I dont see the need to do anything fancy here, unless she sees you as a creep already, then maybe you should come off as being shy to avoid the creeper category as a worse alternative.
Green Light Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 It's so sad to me that us guys now have to put so much thought into a process that men and women have been doing since the beginning of human existence all so we won't be seen as a "creeper". But, I went through something like this recently. There is this really cute woman at my gym who I thought was giving me signals for a couple of days albeit subtle signals. So I agonized about whether to work up the nerve to talk to her because the last thing I want is a reputation there as a "creeper". Sort of like the "don't s*** where you eat" kind of thing. So I decided that I would talk to her but luckily before I did I saw the wedding ring. Lol.
Author bohica Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 So...I re-read what you were saying about this...and since you say its a close knit group where everyone knows everyone on a casual basis, what is the problem with talking to her, especially in this setting, you'll have plenty of people to have a conversation with even if she is hanging around someone else or not. Plus if that were the case, you would already have something in common with that other person she is talking to at that time. I dont see the need to do anything fancy here, unless she sees you as a creep already, then maybe you should come off as being shy to avoid the creeper category as a worse alternative. I guess you can say I am not that big of a conversationalist in the gym. There are a few people I chat it up with but it comes naturally. Plus I am not there to socialized. I don't know, I can be friendly but there are actually people who come off as unapproachable. I can be really shy and tongue tied when it comes to approaching a women I am attracted to. That does not exclude approaching not just her but a group she may been talking to. I am afraid of saying something stupid or something. Guess I need to get over that....lol
jba10582 Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 I get the vibe that many (not all) women will have much more patience with a guy that comes off as shy rather than a creeper. Females are much better at reading body language and emotions than men are, something you give off sub-consciously. Read what some women here have stated...that some claim to feel other people's energy, (maybe through micro-expressions, body language, maybe even body temperature, or something else...)... say in a crowded restaurant, they may even start to take on those emotions and not even know why, or maybe they do know why... Some of them call this intuition, [and I don't necessarily agree with that term for it, because I think intuition is something even more powerful , (but don't want to get off topic)], and, it seems to be a much more refined and developed/evolved attribute in this area than a lot of guys seem to have.
Jordan2345 Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 Life is too short to wonder what if. Go talk to her. Make a conversation about something regarding the gym. Watch her body language. You'll know within the first few minutes if she's interested. Keep the convo platonic. If she's responsive, ask her to do something that takes an hour or so during the day.
Neville107 Posted December 20, 2013 Posted December 20, 2013 bohica - forget the FB angle - FB conversations are for guys with no b*lls. She's looking at you wondering why you're saying hi and waving but never actually saying anything to her. I agree with the other suggestion - ask the group out for a get together (It's away from the gym and people will be more relaxed and open to conversation). Even if she's with someone ask her a question about her training or trainer she's using and if they're any good and if she's seeing the results she was looking for. Ask Anything - just talk to her! And soon before she does begin to get creeped out. She's not going to bite you. If she's interested she'll engage in conversation - if not, she'll give you yes or no answers and you just move on. Also, do not wait for her outside - that is creepy! If you know what time she arrives, you can time it so you run into her coming in. Man up and stop with the social anxiety excuse - if you don't try, you'll never know. Do you want to go through life not knowing? Good luck!
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