Extended family/In-law problems

[Breathe]

Is it possible to be married to someone and not want anything to do with their extended family? If so, how does this work when it comes to the holidays and visiting? What effects does something like this cause?

[HokeyReligions]

Yes its possible.

 

In our house we decide who we want to spend time with. I don't have to be with his family and he doesn't have to be with mine. If one of us wants to pay a courtesy call on our own relatives, we do -- but we make sure we don't spend all the time with them and have plenty of time for each other. We also don't hold it against the other. I don't expect him to love my family the way I do, and he doesn't expect it of me. We did go through a period of adjustment when we were first together, but communication took care of it. No more resentment.

[Breathe]

Well what if you don't want to visit them, nor do you want them at your home? What if they've done everything possible to ruin things and the H is caught in the middle? H really doesn't want anything to do with them either because of their behaviors - but he doesn't have the heart to tell them. Really only his mom calls him anymore, no one else bothers. However when she wanted us to come visit or her to come visit us, he said "no" and used his work schedule as an excuse. He can't bring himself to tell her to leave us alone that she's not welcome in our lives.

 

How does one tackfully tell a family member they don't want you in their lives?

[thebeesknees]

I don't think there is a tactful way to tell ANYONE you don't want them in your lives, especially if they still want to be a part of it.

 

It sounds like you have reason to not want anything to do with his family, just tell his mother that reason and she will hopefully understand.

 

The worst thing that could happen is that she will never speak to you again, or maybe that could be the best thing