The opposite of love is indifference

[EuTuBrute]

Short story who haven't read my other posts... i was dumped in a very heart breaking way by my ex gf of 2.5 years

 

Recently my ex texted me and asked how i was doing and asked to see if i wanted to meet up with her sometime to get coffee. Turns out she cancelled on me saying she was upset that i liked someones post on facebook, that i should not have liked it, and get this, should have defended her.

 

This made made me think that if she was over me, first she wouldn't have asked to get coffee, second she would get "upset" over something stupid as liking something on facebook... She wouldn't care at all!

 

Any of you guys have similar stories where the dumper (in your mind) has any other feelings other than indifference... which leads you to believe they might want you back (even if they are not actively showing it)?

[Poppyolive]

I believe dumpers go through very similar feelings to the dumpees, sadness, anger, regret, guilt, anger....but the dumpees feel they shouldn't be feeling it...because after all, they dumped you. Its difficult to put yourself in your dumper partners shoes...its almost impossible. I think its rare that the dumper quits, walks away happy, especially after a longterm relationship (depending on the quality of that relationship). I know for me, when out of the blue dumped after 5 years (serious relationship) he became angry at me....eg...he dumped, he cried, was upset, confused..i gave him space then then texts from an angry place were pouring in...in my head i wanted to give it back....but i kept it cool and eventually asked him to stop. So in answer to your question i believe they feel all those crazy emotions like dumpees, but they have to mask it as it was their decision..so thry got put on a front and play it cool...while we process it, process every single feeling. from dumpers it eventually explodes into angry outbursts, because the mask has been on.....resulting in stupid texts over stupid things "liking a comment on Facebook". My advise to you...ignore it, don't play into it...because it will get you worked up, exactly what she wants, another reason to prove she was right to dump you...delete, ignore, do something nice, scream into a pillow.....let her angry emotions be her own, not yours......

[Kevin_D]

I know for me, when out of the blue dumped after 5 years (serious relationship) he became angry at me....eg...he dumped, he cried, was upset, confused..i gave him space then then texts from an angry place were pouring in...in my head i wanted to give it back....but i kept it cool and eventually asked him to stop. So in answer to your question i believe they feel all those crazy emotions like dumpees, but they have to mask it as it was their decision..so thry got put on a front and play it cool...

 

Yeah it's weird... I got dumped out of the blue as well be my girlfriend.

 

1. Not much changed at all. We said that we were going to work on the relationship, we had tons of fun.

 

2. After two weeks, she got furious with me for no apparent reason. She said that the relationship was a mistake from the beginning, that she's much happier without me and that she realised this three years ago. She broke all contact, removed me from Facebook and added a song called "Au Revoir" to our Spotify playlist (very mature). I was stunned.

 

3. After two weeks of NC, she starts throwing breadcrumbs. Asks me how I've been, if I want to meet her for coffee and so on. I waited for hours with my responses, she replied within 5 minutes. I told her that we'll "work something out" and ended the conversation (I wasn't ready to meet her at the moment).

 

4. A few days later, she starts liking and commenting on things I write on a mutual friend's Facebook. What struck me was that she was using "our" language this time (nicknames, internal jokes) and almost seem her old self.

 

5. Another week of NC. She invited me to play a mobile game with her 3-4 times and finally I accepted. But now she waits at least 24 hours before making her move. And there's no sweetness whatsoever in the things she writes.

 

I guess she's on an emotional roller coaster as well. One day she's happy, one day she misses me and the next day she's getting angry at me for causing her to miss her... or something like that.

 

I'm too old for this...

[EuTuBrute]

Poppyolive... I wish i read your comment before i texted my ex back a while ago... I was angry at her doing this to me, and asked what the hell was the point of her doing this... not to mention i threw a little anger back at her that she didn't even wish me happy birthday.

 

She is definitely at some anger stage with me... when i wasn't doing proper NC she and her best friend where posting stuff on facebook that def took shots at me.. a quote "Some bridges need to be burned in order to create new ones" and "I'm going on a date tonight, its like riding a bike, i did it 6 months ago I'm sure i can do it again".These are very immature of her, and i think you are right, they are there to provoke a reaction out of me.

 

I'm going back to my NC cave...its safe there...lesson learned. She and she only needs to learn how our relationship was a good one and she made a mistake. Unfortunately people like my ex need to fall flat on her face before realizing that...at that point it wont be my problem.

[justash-x]

YES! It's like their actions don't match their words.... Their actions say they want you back but they tell you they don't.

 

 

 

I'm glad I'm not the only one!

[deathandtaxes]

Holy what a manipulative ex!!

 

 

Please go NC and don't respond ever in the future. Save your dignity!

[rec88]

Dang all your ex's bring to mind a different, although equally cliché quote: "hurt people hurt people." They aren't over sh**.

[EuTuBrute]

if they aren't over ****...why don't they just come forward and say i made a mistake, or i miss you...is their ego in the way?

[rec88]

Why does a drunk person say, "I can drive home just fine"? Because they aren't thinking clearly. A sober person doesn't understand the logic, but it makes sense in their mind. How did Hitler convince an entire nation to follow his cause? Because the mind is a very flexible organ and can easily be manipulated.

 

Bottom line is you dodged a bullet. You are thinking logically here. She's got something in her head preventing that. Be glad you're not in her position.

Edited December 18, 2013 by rec88

[EuTuBrute]

Yes i think i dodged a bullet... still hard on me though. Love is blind.

[Yasuandio]

Of course we hear the opposite of love is indifference as you say at the start of post, or apathy. And emotion, of any kind, especially anger, suggests dumper still has feels (which may be true).

 

Early on LS, when I was grasping at these straws, someone wise asked me, "did it ever occur to you he's angry because he's lost his home, and has to pay up a lot of money to me every month?" I thought that was a good point. We may not always know the source of the anger.

 

Still, now now, years later, just for my ego sake I suppose, I'd like to know he still cares. He for sure is angry. I recently - emotionlessly, called about an urgent business matter that involved the collateral on his (now his) business. I own the collateral. I asked him he he could hold back his anger long enough for me to talk to him for one second. His statement: "There is nothing more to talk about is there?" click.

 

At that point - decide I will never call again. So I found out the emal of his business (he owns it), and emailed the information and directions. Later that evening I was pulling out of the driveway, and he was entering my sub-division. This same day. When he saw my bright red Z, he made a quick right turn into a "no outlet" area. I just went about my business.

 

You know there really isn't any reason to be so ugly on the phon2 to me. All previous VM I left were nice, emotionless, business-like. I have returned his family's heirlooms that were given to me - you'd think he be friendly - especially since I am coving his business colleral. Jeez.

 

It is this kind of BS that confuses the dumpee. And how do you interpret "there is nothing more to talk about is there" click. Is that apathy? Is that indifference?

 

Anyway - my point I wanted to make - was not to mis-read what the

anger may be about. Look at it in context of other behaviors that may be occurring, like mine - even though I have no idea what it means. Then again, you have to judge the context. That same LSer told me the frequent drive-bys at that time (couple years ago) could just mean he misses his stuff. Hahaha.

[/b]

 

The best thing to do in not ever try to figure out what anything means. They are gone, period. Whatever you see, think, or observe is most likely completely not as it seems. But I know, at least for me, it is very difficult not to wonder. I really am considering selling the homes and leaving the state. I think that is what it's going take for me to come to indifference. As long as there is a business matter between us and drive by crap - forget it. It recycles itself, he makes it a point to be in my neighborhood all the time, for no reason at al - in fact his neighbor has much more to offer. I am always looking over my shoulder - and shop two neighborhoods away.

 

If someone should like to give me their take on PM, I would really appreciate it. Yas

[lofi_tokyo]

I'm a dumper, I'm not indifferent to my ex, and while he may not realize it, I definitely miss him terribly!

 

But, sometimes you just have to move on. I'm certainly trying.

 

I think sometimes an ex-dumper can seem very much like they want you back, and maybe some part of them does, but unless they're saying something directly - such as "I want you back", it may not be worth too much.

 

I may want my ex back very badly some days, but I'm deliberately not saying anything, even if it kills me at times, because I really want us to move on. I'm also in a new relationship, and I'd like to give that a shot.

 

Just my two cents!