letsplaygofish2 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 I've posted a few times on this board when I first went through my breakup. I was a mess, but thanks to the support here, my friends and also my therapist, I am starting to see more clearly. I'm very self-aware and conscious, to a fault because I always want to improve myself. Anyway... Today is my birthday, I'm turning 37. My 38yo ex-bf broke up & moved out on October 15th, we got back together then broke up again November 15th. December 15th would have been our 1 year anniversary. By now, I am just tired of the whole thing and have come to realize how immature and selfish he's been. He's accused me of being controlling when I opened my home to him, helped him find jobs, took him out to dinner and never asked for anything but his love. I helped him land his first contract job, which he just walked out on and it landed on my lap, luckily the client was unaware of what happened. Then he had the audacity to blame me for it... My friends all said that I was more than the perfect girlfriend, because I don't play head games, throw hissy fits or demand anything. I just wanted a loving companion by my side... I guess I'm venting because he turned on his OKC right after the second breakup and blatantly put "prefers caucasian women and non-alpha business women". In other words, he wants the anti-me. My self-esteem is kind of beat, so I went to OKC and turned on my profile in order to try to make some new friends, but they're all posers and jerks! I deleted it today. My question is, is it too soon to put myself out there to build up confidence? I don't want to necessarily date, but I just want to know that I'm not too old to find a husband and have children. Plus, I feel like my clock is ticking for having kids Any thoughts on other paid dating sites?
headinthecloud Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 (edited) Try meetup.com as OLD (online dating) is a numbers game - you have to meet a lot of people. Check out this talk by Amy Webb about her OLD experience. Amy Webb: How I hacked online dating | Video on TED.com You will find a husband as long as you don't give up. My ex posted an OLD profile the day we broke up...well, he never took it down actually, but that's another story. I was still crushed. The truth is that it doesn't matter what he does. Only you matter. Your RS is over and if he chooses to sleep with 10 women in a week, that's his choice. It's just how he copes. But from what you describe, he sounds pretty self absorbed and unaware. You will find someone more compatible. Get yourself back out there. Have fun and be happy. Fake it til you make it. Eventually, you'll feel indifference to him. And by then you'll be on your way to starting a family. Edited December 18, 2013 by headinthecloud 1
ponchsox Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 I find that I am ready to date when I'm ready to be rejected again. In other words, if someone rejects me for a date can I move on without it triggering my last breakup all over again? 2
fixing Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Wow, your ex sounds like a wanker. Anyways, i just wanted to pop in this thread and wish you luck on your dating ventures. And, your not old btw! 45-50, yeah, thats old but not 37. 1
notthathard Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 And, your not old btw! 45-50, yeah, thats old but not 37. Yep far from old, I'm younger but I still think 37 a good age to still find someone and you still have time to have kids with modern technology. 2
LostConfused123 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 I'm glad you posted this because I was actually wondering the same thing. A couple days ago I made a profile on match.com but I haven't pulled the trigger and made it visible yet. I'm not sure what I'm scared of. I like what ponchsox said about being able to handle rejection again. Don't know if I could. . . Haha! Best of luck to you!!!
Author letsplaygofish2 Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 So I had a great birthday party last night. I felt so loved and welcomed by my friends... but deep down I wished my ex had contacted me to wish me a happy birthday. But he didn't. Yeah, I guess I'm not ready just yet! I actually run a few meetup groups and I can't say I've met anyone that I'd want to date. I think running the local scene might be the better option, although slower... I guess that will give me time to resolve my feelings :/ How long did you wait before you started to date again?
Haydn Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 This guy sounds like a right tosser. Yo are well rid of him darling. I have never been internet dating. Is it possible for you to get out more with friends in a social situation and meet chaps? Good luck. I've posted a few times on this board when I first went through my breakup. I was a mess, but thanks to the support here, my friends and also my therapist, I am starting to see more clearly. I'm very self-aware and conscious, to a fault because I always want to improve myself. Anyway... Today is my birthday, I'm turning 37. My 38yo ex-bf broke up & moved out on October 15th, we got back together then broke up again November 15th. December 15th would have been our 1 year anniversary. By now, I am just tired of the whole thing and have come to realize how immature and selfish he's been. He's accused me of being controlling when I opened my home to him, helped him find jobs, took him out to dinner and never asked for anything but his love. I helped him land his first contract job, which he just walked out on and it landed on my lap, luckily the client was unaware of what happened. Then he had the audacity to blame me for it... My friends all said that I was more than the perfect girlfriend, because I don't play head games, throw hissy fits or demand anything. I just wanted a loving companion by my side... I guess I'm venting because he turned on his OKC right after the second breakup and blatantly put "prefers caucasian women and non-alpha business women". In other words, he wants the anti-me. My self-esteem is kind of beat, so I went to OKC and turned on my profile in order to try to make some new friends, but they're all posers and jerks! I deleted it today. My question is, is it too soon to put myself out there to build up confidence? I don't want to necessarily date, but I just want to know that I'm not too old to find a husband and have children. Plus, I feel like my clock is ticking for having kids Any thoughts on other paid dating sites?
Author letsplaygofish2 Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 I accidentally texted my ex today when I was crying about my ex not contacting me on my birthday. He called me back, shortly thereafter and left me a voicemail, apologizing. He said that he is under a tremendous amount of stress, that his unemployment benefits are getting cut off and he is in the process of selling all of his possessions. He is trying his hardest to stay afloat and pay his rent. He also said that I have every right to be upset that he forgot my birthday, but he truly didn't mean to forget. And he wished me happy birthday again. I feel sad for him, because I would have supported him through all of this if we were together. But this was his choice. I'm no longer upset, but am sad for his situation... I wish there was more I can do, but it's not my responsibility anymore
Venom01 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 (edited) Hey, Try cognitive therapy techniques to help you identify your core beliefs and create challenges for them. So for instance, if you think that your never going to get someone, what's the evidence for and against that supports that? I.e, Evidence that supports that thought: I just ended my relationship Evidence against that thought: I was able to find someone else People do make comments saying I'm good looking MERGE THE TWO I did just end a relationship, but it doesn't mean I will not enter another one. There are people that have made comments or have shown interest in my in the past as well. Edited January 6, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Simon Phoenix Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 I accidentally texted my ex today when I was crying about my ex not contacting me on my birthday. He called me back, shortly thereafter and left me a voicemail, apologizing. He said that he is under a tremendous amount of stress, that his unemployment benefits are getting cut off and he is in the process of selling all of his possessions. He is trying his hardest to stay afloat and pay his rent. He also said that I have every right to be upset that he forgot my birthday, but he truly didn't mean to forget. And he wished me happy birthday again. I feel sad for him, because I would have supported him through all of this if we were together. But this was his choice. I'm no longer upset, but am sad for his situation... I wish there was more I can do, but it's not my responsibility anymore You shouldn't have done that. Would it have been nice for him to remember your birthday? Sure. But he's under no obligation to -- you are broken up. It's actually better than he didn't -- the sooner you realize you aren't a couple (that means no couples counseling, no nothing, just a pulling of the plug) the faster you'll find a guy that will go out of his way to wish you a happy birthday. But yes, he is your ex -- he's not your boyfriend. Not his duty to be there for you any more and even if he was there, it would just serve to mindf*ck you even more than you are now. You need to let him do his thing and he needs to let you do yours.
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