waywithoutway Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 months. We are both in our late 20s and have been in long term relationships before. She is amazing. She asked for my number the first day that we met. She asked to be her boyfriend when she was ready, I knew she really needed to take it slow so I never pushed anything. This is fine by me because I broke up with my ex at the beginning of the year of five years. She told me she loved me first as well as she initiated the first time we had sex. I know how big this was for her as she has been hurt several times in her past, and I believe that her parent’s divorce also had a large impact on the way she views relationships. She puts on a very strong shell, and loves her independence but she is really sensitive underneath it all and takes many things to heart. I’ve met the parents and she has met mine as well. We unfortunately do not get a lot of time to see each other and that is only going to decrease next year as we are both very busy with work and our interests. I did get distant for about a week as I was deciding if this is something that I really wanted. I decided that I truly do love and that seeing her once in a while is better than seeing someone else I care less about everyday. And honestly I lived that already, I would rather be alone than go through that again. Though we talked about everything, she has completely pulled away, and rightfully so. I think she is trying to protect herself from the possibility of getting hurt by me down the road. I really think she is freaking out about how fast we have moved and how I can come on to strong with my feelings. She spent a long time working on herself and I think she doesn't want to lose that independence so quickly. She has always maintained that a friendship is very important to her and I know that the light heartedness of the relationship has been lacking. She communicated that she needs space so I am refraining from talking about anything ‘heavy’ and have just kept it light hearted. I also am trying to let her initiate communication though I failed at that today and sent her a funny email (which is something we do). She knows I love her, and even through tough times she tells me she loves me, so I just want her to feel safe and happy again. I stood my ground and told her that we are not going to some weird friend zone, and that moving through this is an important step. I am going to try to continue to be keep my contact to a minimum and when we do talk I am going to keep it fun. Am I doing the wrong things? Should I give her even more space? I am so lost on how to do this as usually I run the show in a relationship where this has been more equal. Though I truly don't want to lose her I am not afraid of it. I have gone through big breakups before and been a better man because of it. I just fight for what I want, and wont back down from our relationship because she is a bit scared. Thank you so much for your time, and I appreciate any advice positive or negative. 1
todreaminblue Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 a true man does fight for what he wants....he always stands up for love and doesnt back off without any doubt i say that....and the woman who loves him wont fight for long...take it one day at a time...give her the space you have been giving, wait for her to say if she needs more before you give her more...dont become too distant....that she cant feel you there..........deb 1
Author waywithoutway Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 I appreciate the advice guys. I won't initiate contact again. Thank you Deb. I let her best friend know my intentions (she is how we met and I figure its best she knows I'm not randomly going distant). I've never really done this before. What if she does decide to contact me, do I respond? 1
todreaminblue Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 I appreciate the advice guys. I won't initiate contact again. Thank you Deb. I let her best friend know my intentions (she is how we met and I figure its best she knows I'm not randomly going distant). I've never really done this before. What if she does decide to contact me, do I respond? why would you not respond? its like someone extending their hand to you, do you take the hand or ignore it........trust me ignore the hand ...and it feels like crap for her to extend her hand another time in the future...you will also feel like crap....i have been on both sides of th efence here.....i learned a lesson i needed i think not to ignore or disappear...fear...of rejections sucks huh....from experience i say this...deb 1
Author waywithoutway Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 Thanks again. I don't really ever hear a woman's perspective in my circle of friends so I really appreciate it. Guys will just tell you its over and move on, and that may be true, but I don't want to be someone who walks away just because she felt open enough to be honest with me. I will respond, it really isn't who I am to ignore her. I have been ignored before as well, and it does hurt. But I'm the man, so whether she moves on or not if I stay true to what I think is right I'll be able to move on alright. Once again, thank you, talking about it really helps.
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