May have blown it? but not sure

[CrJsc88]

Hi, everyone. I need some help on realizing if I did something wrong or was it the right thing to do. I was in a relationship with this girl for about 5 years. 5 months ago we broke up. She cheated on me with her step sisters fiance best friend. ( they made out) I told her after that I could forgive her. She said she didn't know if she was in love with me. I basically tried everything to keep her but she didn't want to hear it.

 

I had to let her go, she told me that I was like my mom. I can't let go of things, I took that to heart. Just left her alone. Had NC with her for about 4 months. I get a text from that she wanted to talk, I did and we decided to take things slow and see how it goes. basically, a month into it. I didn't see anything out of her that expressed she was falling for me. She contacted me once in a while and we only hung out 2 days out of the week. SUpposedly, I heard from some people that she took the break up pretty hard and dranked a lot.

 

She was obviously still drinking hard on the weekends without me cuz she never invited or wanted to set something up. We would only hang out during the week for restaurant dates and a movie once. I just feel like that person that I used to date clicked a off switch after we broke up and still wasnt there. What killed me, when I asked her how she felt when we kissed the first time. She said it felt normal like nothing really changed. Felt comfortable. Am I wrong for feeling like crap after that statement? I hinted 2 times on the weekend that I wanted to hangout.

 

She just said I'm hanging out with my friends tonight. No invite.. .Well this weekend, I had to let her know how I felt. I might of did it too much. I told her she had her priiorties all screwed up. If she really wanted to work it out then she would of sacfriced something. I told her she was heading down the wrong path, she was drinking too much and that's not her. She said she wasn't comfortable asking me out to a bar and drink cuz I'm an angry drunk.

 

I realized that I was an idiot when I got drunk with her. That was one of things I tried working on and I knew it had to change because she would complain.. I told her that I had nothing to lose in the second chance but she had everything because she would lose a good guy. I dropped her off and took off right after she shut the door. How do I feel like the bad guy?

 

I feel bad. I text her today to apologize cuz I'm not that type of person. I still feel like she was even worse when we first broke up. She told me to go home and that it would never work. I'm just confused, I feel bad but the other half says she had to hear it.

 

Any thoughts??? sucks I love this girl too but I know it can prolly be the end for good.

Edited December 18, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[legion113]

"she took the break up pretty hard and dranked a lot"

"still drinking hard on the weekends without me cuz she never invited or wanted to set something up"

"she was drinking too much and that's not her"

 

Ok first off, she cheated on you and you said you would forgive her? That's when she told you she wasn't in love with you, or just didn't want to hear it. Those are big flashing neon signs buddy. Is she even sorry about it?

 

Ok and then next is this whole drinking thing. THAT'S her coping mechanism? What do you think is going to happen with your next big fight. Glug glug. If you get married, when you got thru life stresses...glug glug. When you have your first kid, glug glug, whne you have your second kid, glug glug. when she asks for a divorce..glug glug. When she nails you for alimony..now you are giving her money to drink, and she won't use it on the kids that's for sure.

 

I think you lucked out. Keep your distance.

[CrJsc88]

To be honest, I felt like she was sorry. She knew she f'ed and she told me that and she did apologize but another statement she said that confused the hell out of me was maybe this happen for a reason for us... confusing crap

[legion113]

She cheated on you, and all this can be explained that it happened for a reason...uh yeah, like she doesn't respect you or want to be with you, or that she wanted to sleep with another guy and not you.

You do have something to lose, wasting more time on this girl, your self respect, your own sanity, and the time that could be spent finding another wonderful girl that you deserve.

[CrJsc88]

Yeah, I know you're right. That's what I've been thinking the past couple days. It sucks, I look like the bad guy in this but all I did was tell the truth. I didn't cheat or played games.

[Elias33]

I think you are pretty reasonable and act this way for a good reason. Nothing in your stories implies that you two have a future. Also, she is drinking in an unhealthy manner, cheated on you before, and never was willing to commit; spells trouble. You have to let this one go, in my opinion. Agree with all the posters on here.

[bubbaganoosh]

Boils down to this. If your an angry drunk and your with her and something triggers you, then the fireworks start again and your back to square one.

 

If anything, the drinking is going to be the biggest problem that both of you have. You can't control her drinking but you can control yours. IMO, move on, control your in take when drinking and you admit that your an angry drunk and it wouldn't matter if you were with your ex girlfriend or a new on, an angry drunk is not a pleasant person to be around

 

I'm not saying you can't have a drink, just know when to stop before you get to that point.

 

As far as your girl friend cheating, move on and find someone a bit more trustworthy. Good luck

[CrJsc88]

I don't know something used to trigger me when I went out with her. I told myself I couldn't treat others or her the same like that. I worked on it and still continue to do so. I've actually been out with other girls and wasn't like that to them. I didn't want to be that idiot anymore.