Kermit76 Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 (edited) Like a seesaw. One day feeling like a million bucks the next day back to the dumps. Bad days seem to trigger from lack of sleep, lack of confidence, struggling making money now. When these things happen my mind seems to think about my ex. Almost like I want to reach out to her for support. Funny thing she is gone and shows no interest in returning. So why do i feel like this? She isnt going to fix anything for me. Sigh. 2 year relationship. 3 months of NC except one texting conversation broken by me. Her response was disinterested and heartless. It sucks because 2 days ago I almost went a whole day not thinking about her. Felt great and was looking at online dating sights. I dunno I have a history of mild depression and with a schedule of messing with my body clock and not being in a schedule it seems to mentally play games with me. Also alone in a new city and apt isn't helping. I have no hope she is returning but still think about the BU and one moment she is a evil bit*@... 15 min later i am thinking i cant fault her for her actions and i wish her well. Ugh. Like I fault myself for the BU. Deep down knowing it wasn't my fault. I dated one of the most indecisive chicks I have ever met. And I gave everything to her. Edited December 17, 2013 by Kermit76
ponchsox Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 I am not even 3 months post BU and I am while I have more good days then bad days, the bad days still suck. The good news is I'm over a month NC and I have fought ever urge to contact her so I've come to terms with the breakup and starting to move on. When I get down and start to miss her, I just think about all of the times she mistreated me and it quickly goes away.
Author Kermit76 Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 (edited) Unfortunately I really need to remind myself of the times she mistreated me. Not sure why I still have her on a pedestal. Sometimes she comes down from it but when I'm having a bad day she seems to stay on it. I am struggling ton find consistent work. One of the reasons why I think she ended it with me. She wanted someone to take care of her. We were both in our 30's... Living at home. Both in a tough field. Tv and film. So when i struggle with my career its almost like I hear her in the back of my head. Told u so.I was right. U cant take care of yourself. Funny thing is I moved out and got a job weeks after we broke up. So maybe i felt guilty because its something i always wanted for us and she wanted and then when it finally did happen poof she was gone. When we had our only one texting conversation. I didnt bring my situation up. That i moved out and got a job. Didnt want to rub it in but she never asked how i was doing anyways. Yes she left me when i was down in the dumps. Didnt get an offer after second interview. Seems like she had enough. Now this new job isn't going great. I work freelance and im not working everyday. Struggling to pay rent. Maybe its the stress of wanting to prove her wrong is what's keeping me down. Edited December 17, 2013 by Kermit76
ponchsox Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Unfortunately I really need to remind myself of the times she mistreated me. Not sure why I still have her on a pedestal. Sometimes she comes down from it but when I'm having a bad day she seems to stay on it. I am struggling ton find consistent work. One of the reasons why I think she ended it with me. She wanted someone to take care of her. We were both in our 30's... Living at home. Both in a tough field. Tv and film. So when i struggle with my career its almost like I hear her in the back of my head. Told u so.I was right. U cant take care of yourself. Funny thing is I moved out and got a job weeks after we broke up. So maybe i felt guilty because its something i always wanted for us and she wanted and then when it finally did happen poof she was gone. When we had our only one texting conversation. I didnt bring my situation up. That i moved out and got a job. Didnt want to rub it in but she never asked how i was doing anyways. Yes she left me when i was down in the dumps. Didnt get an offer after second interview. Seems like she had enough. Now this new job isn't going great. I work freelance and im not working everyday. Struggling to pay rent. Maybe its the stress of wanting to prove her wrong is what's keeping me down. You need to make finding good steady work a priority right now. Not being in the relationship could be a blessing in disguise for you. Get back on your feet, get some confidence and someone will come into your life when you least expect it.
Author Kermit76 Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 Thank you for the kind words. Yes. It is my priority. Hard to get confidence to go on a online dating site when you're struggling to make ends meet. Just having bad luck these days. Hopefully the new year will give me a better outlook with better days ahead.
ponchsox Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Thank you for the kind words. Yes. It is my priority. Hard to get confidence to go on a online dating site when you're struggling to make ends meet. Just having bad luck these days. Hopefully the new year will give me a better outlook with better days ahead. Things will turn for the better. Don't be so hard on yourself. Good things happen to good and honest people.
Author Kermit76 Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 Thanks. Feeling better today. Need to keep moving on, staying positive, and keep NC. I have an event my ex will be at in a few months. Do I go? Its not mandatory I go but its a project we both worked on. Just feel I worked hard on it and like to be there but dont want to be set back. If it was today I be uncomfortable and it would set me back. Not sure how I would feel months from now. If she is there with a new guy not sure how I would feel.
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