andycraig Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 (edited) Hi, my names andy, 30 years of age, was with my ex nearly 4 years, we were best friends and the relationship was good, brilliant infact we bought our 1st house together, after a few months we had daft arguments, things got worse, was in the house 8 months, she came home from a nite out blind drunk and ad slept with someone, I actually spoke to him on her phone!! Great, then in the next cpl of days her and her parents kind of made it impossible for me to live in the house, they paid me out and I had to move out. Stayed with a friend fr 2 weeks but hated it and wanted my ex bk, then did the mistake of constant pestering, it got silly then I left her alone, we'd been split 5 months, I lost my job to then I hit the drink, was drinking everyday, then out the blue my ex contacts me to say she had my watch, we spoke then she told me she was with another guy, it really hurt but I was helpless, 3 weeks later she contacted me, we met up and had sex all night long, she ended it with this other guy, 2 weeks later I moved bk into my old house with her, we got on brilliantly again, then one night had a bad argument, the next day she packs my stuff and takes it to my mums, again I leave her alone, Thursday just gone she got drunk and tried to hang herself, she contacted me to tell me and I was in bits. Then I looked after her for two days, she told me to sort myself out and we can start from the beggining, today she rang and said she wants me out of her life, a wk bfore xmas, all this has gone on for 8 months now. Its left me with deppression,stress, anxiety, I drink to much now.. its destroyed me, I used to love life now I think of suicide, I love her still for some reason, I constantly think of her. Please advise. Edited December 17, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and edited title
Mariposa10 Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 This woman is toxic!! You shouldn't have taken her back so easily. First mistake!! Did you have a drinking problem before all this, or is it just now becoming a problem? Please, change your number. She will crawl back when the guy she's with (I'm sure she's with someone new again) dumps her because you keep feeding her ego. Change your phone #, and stay NC, please. Things do get better. I was a complete mess when my ex and I broke up, but there's light at the end of the tunnel. Your ex sounds like a disgusting human being. Please, see the way things really are. Stop idolizing her. She has treated you horribly. But you can do something about it. You can be proactive about your situation. Whenever you feel like texting/calling her, come vent here!! 3
Author andycraig Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 Thanks for the reply, she's not seeing anyone now, she told me she's gonna stay single for like 9-12 months to get over this properly, she says she's a mess too... I don't know wot to think, I know its all messed up and I'm still in the holding on process.. Iv lost everything, and no drink was never a problem before, iv calmed down now some what, I don't get how a human can do this to someone they once loved.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Google Bi polar manic depression. She sounds like a classic case. I am not a therapist but something clinical is going on with her. You need to consider if your want this in your life. 1
headinthecloud Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Some people look to others to make them happy, that's why they do this to those they love. It's called depression, and your ex is severely manic. Highs and lows. The side effect is you are now depressed. She has an illness. It's not your fault she is untreated. It's how you are coping that you can control. Speak to your doctor about how to help you get out of this depression. You are all that matters now. You must go NC and heal, see links below. In time, 6mos to a year from now, you'll be healthier. You must put in the work, though. Try not to analyze the why because there is no answer that will satisfy you. The emotional rollercoaster will continue for a while, but it will smooth out if you go full NC right away. The pain is awful, but it does get better. I promise. And in time, you'll be indifferent.
Augustus64 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 I was in a toxic relationship very similar to yours, my ex cut herself, was abusive, verbally and physically. She once pushed me down a flight of steps and reached for a knife during a breakup. would threatened suicide when i wanted out to guilt me. I stuck around through that madness for 5 years and i too contemplated suicide. thoughts that never occurred to me before. She probably has Borderline Personality disorder. My ex was clinically diagnosed with bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety. i stuck around wanting to help because i cared wanting to be that knight in shining armor but the truth is your just ruining yourself. You gotta take care of you man and understand she needs professional help your not a pro. I know you like me don't want suicide on your conscious so what you could do is try to get her help then get the hell out of the way. the highs are addicting i know but trust me those lows are boundless. good luck man 3
Author andycraig Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 Thanks for the feedback, much appreciated, the whole thing is such a mess, I am going to do the nc, even tho its xmas next week which will be hard, what do I do if she rings me? Don't answer??... its also her bday on the 25 th january? Do I buy her a present? Send a card or nothing?? Iv known her 5 years and been with her 4, I'll be honest I still absolutely love the girl so much, even now so long on my sleep last night was rubbish, tossing and turning thinking about her. My main problems are; Constantly think about her & worrying I do think of scenarios of how or if we could be together again Think of the good times/but hardly ever the bad times And think how long will it be till she meets another lad/falls in love How much it hurts thinking of another man in the house I help set up, and even walking our dog that I love. And will I ever see or speak to her again The longest we av ever been with no contact is 5 weeks and she contacted me. I know I need to do massive work on myself too.
Mariposa10 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Thanks for the feedback, much appreciated, the whole thing is such a mess, I am going to do the nc, even tho its xmas next week which will be hard, what do I do if she rings me? Don't answer??... its also her bday on the 25 th january? Do I buy her a present? Send a card or nothing?? Iv known her 5 years and been with her 4, I'll be honest I still absolutely love the girl so much, even now so long on my sleep last night was rubbish, tossing and turning thinking about her. My main problems are; Constantly think about her & worrying I do think of scenarios of how or if we could be together again Think of the good times/but hardly ever the bad times And think how long will it be till she meets another lad/falls in love How much it hurts thinking of another man in the house I help set up, and even walking our dog that I love. And will I ever see or speak to her again The longest we av ever been with no contact is 5 weeks and she contacted me. I know I need to do massive work on myself too. I knew my ex and had a relationship with my ex for as long as you did, I know how it seems to be "impossible" to stop talking to them. My ex and I talked to each other every day fro all those years. But this is not optional, you have to do it. When you start NC, it'll be hard, but after that you'll start seeing the benefits of it. Why not try to re-connect with friends and family? Have you found a job? Why don't you focus on that. You need to focus on something new. ANYTHING, except your ex.
darkmoon Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 i can see no track record of respect given to you, so stop thinking of them, loneliness is making you live in the past, they have nothing to offer but drama go to meetup, join a few meetup groups see what happens, happy 2014 1
Chi townD Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Thanks for the feedback, much appreciated, the whole thing is such a mess, I am going to do the nc, even tho its xmas next week which will be hard, what do I do if she rings me? Don't answer??... its also her bday on the 25 th january? Do I buy her a present? Send a card or nothing?? Iv known her 5 years and been with her 4, I'll be honest I still absolutely love the girl so much, even now so long on my sleep last night was rubbish, tossing and turning thinking about her. My main problems are; Constantly think about her & worrying I do think of scenarios of how or if we could be together again Think of the good times/but hardly ever the bad times And think how long will it be till she meets another lad/falls in love How much it hurts thinking of another man in the house I help set up, and even walking our dog that I love. And will I ever see or speak to her again The longest we av ever been with no contact is 5 weeks and she contacted me. I know I need to do massive work on myself too. Ummm....dude, she's already done this. So, you can stop thinking about it. Here's the deal that keep on overlooking. SHE CHEATED ON YOU! She kicked you out and started seeing someone else! That's how much she values you! Time put this train wreck in the rearview mirror! YES! Go with NC. If Christmas comes around and she texts you, IGNORE IT! If she rings you, LET IT GO TO VOICEMAIL! Remember, she made the choice to have you out of her life. You're giving her exactly what she's asking for. Look at it this way. Your relationship was like a job and she sacked you. She told you that your services as a boyfriend were no long required. Now, if you get fired from a job, do you go back on Monday and start working for free? HELL NO!!! You dust off that resume and you find a new job. The best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good life. Stop hitting the bottle! Nothing good ever comes from that! Get a good paying job and stay off the booze while you get through this. If you're feeling suicidal, then get to hospital immediately! I strongly recommend that you go see your Doctor now and get on some antidepressants. Nothing wrong with taking some meds to get you through the hard times. Dude, I promise you that it does get better, it's just going to take some time. 2
Mariposa10 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Ummm....dude, she's already done this. So, you can stop thinking about it. Here's the deal that keep on overlooking. SHE CHEATED ON YOU! She kicked you out and started seeing someone else! That's how much she values you! Time put this train wreck in the rearview mirror! YES! Go with NC. If Christmas comes around and she texts you, IGNORE IT! If she rings you, LET IT GO TO VOICEMAIL! Remember, she made the choice to have you out of her life. You're giving her exactly what she's asking for. Look at it this way. Your relationship was like a job and she sacked you. She told you that your services as a boyfriend were no long required. Now, if you get fired from a job, do you go back on Monday and start working for free? HELL NO!!! You dust off that resume and you find a new job. The best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good life. Stop hitting the bottle! Nothing good ever comes from that! Get a good paying job and stay off the booze while you get through this. If you're feeling suicidal, then get to hospital immediately! I strongly recommend that you go see your Doctor now and get on some antidepressants. Nothing wrong with taking some meds to get you through the hard times. Dude, I promise you that it does get better, it's just going to take some time. OP, keep all of his ^^ in mind, please!
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