beyondcrushed Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 So I met a guy on POF about six weeks ago. We've texted. Met once for coffee. A second last minute meeting. He said he was in town, only had a couple hours, came over, chatted, he took me to dinner, when he dropped me off, i kissed him passionately. We've texted sporadically. I keep it short and always wait for him to text me first. Sometimes I don't hear from him for days. He hasnt' suggested taking me out on a date again. The closest was when he texted me a week ago. He wanted to see me last minute one night (early 6pm). I declined cause I had plans. He said he was going to "massage" me (but really to have sex, i'm sure). But I don't want to yet. I want to date him and get to know him. I want a relationship potentially. It seems he may just want sex or a friends-with-benefits setup. I told him once before this, when he refered to cuddling/snuggling/massage, that how bout he take me out to dinner instead. He said, "ok", but he still makes mention of a massage. So because I don't want that type of setup, I ignored his text. A few days later he asked how I am (this was this Sunday). We had short but nice text chat -- nothing 'suggestive'. Then today he asks if "we are still gonna have a cuddle night or if I have a new boy?" I want him to get the hint that I don't want that type of relationship, that he needs to date me first. But I don't want to blatantly tell him. What should I say in response -- "You need to wine and dine me first;)"
TylerDurdenn Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Is me or does all that sound a bit creepy/desperate?
justwhoiam Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 How do I make it clear I want more than just sex? You don't have sex with him, if he mentions anything sexual, you just say "I'm not that kind". If he only wants sex, he will take the hint and move on to a different girl.
Iguanna Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Is me or does all that sound a bit creepy/desperate? Creepy and desperate the need of a serious woman who wants to have a serious relationship with a guy instead of just sex? Ok I will behave and not even answer. To the OP: if you don't ask for what you want, he won't know what you want. Text him that all these plans he has sound good but you think they belong in a later time, after some dates and get to know each other better. He will get the hint and you will act according to his reaction.
Author beyondcrushed Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 Thank you. I replied with, "cuddling sounds good but I want to get to know you better first...by dating. I'm free friday and Sunday:)" he replied with, "ok:)" so we'll see what happens. If he never asks me out, next! If so, we'll see where it goes and maybe one day I'll feel comfortable cuddling with him. Lol.
Author beyondcrushed Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 Is me or does all that sound a bit creepy/desperate? Who sounds creepy/desperate? And why does he or she seem that way?
Zahara Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 I don't think it's a matter of making him wait. It doesn't make a guy want what you want if his intent is the opposite of yours. I have a feeling his intent is to just get the sex. So soon into your courtship and he's persistent about massaging and cuddling? He gets your vibe that you aren't ready. He isn't stupid. He's just persistent. And you know why. 1
soccerrprp Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 OP, he wants sex. He's not LT material. Move on. Everything about him reeks of player. 2
Targetlock Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 the guy is user and player and not worth the trouble or time.
soccerrprp Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 I also needed to add that it just astonishes me that people don't know how to do the obvious. How do you tell someone that you want more than sex?????? YOU TELL THEM. And if it had to come to all that, you need to strongly suspect that he's only interested in sex AND that if he does take you out on any more dates (that you had to suggest to him, btw), you don't give it up at the first sign of what may seem real interest. You make such guys demonstrate for as long as it takes that things are real and that is tricky by itself. If he's seeing someone else and getting sex, you're likely a sideline challenge that he can afford to wait for until he gets what he wants and then move on...sorry, but this guy is crude and not LTR material. 2
Author beyondcrushed Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 Thank you for your insight. Awesome. I'm not going to waste my time. And will hold out for a long time, until I know it's the real deal.
d0nnivain Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Don't give him sex. When & if you are ready, make love with him on your terms. Few words needed.
soccerrprp Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Thank you for your insight. Awesome. I'm not going to waste my time. And will hold out for a long time, until I know it's the real deal. How are you going to know what the real deal is? If he's a player, he'll eventually lose interest as he'll know that he won't get any sex. Can YOU wait? What if you "fall in love with him?" Are you that emotionally pulled, manipulated? Things to consider and watch out for. In the short-term he'll be sweet or say all the things you want to hear. Concentrate on his actions and be cautious.
ponchsox Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Make him wait for sex and see if he bails first? 1
Zahara Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Thank you for your insight. Awesome. I'm not going to waste my time. And will hold out for a long time, until I know it's the real deal. How will you know if it's the real deal? A guy can wine and dine you and go through the whole courtship phase because he knows you'll succumb at some point. Essentially, they don't mind waiting. If you are getting player vibe or just want sex vibe, pay attention to the signs. Holding out doesn't change the intent. 2
Author beyondcrushed Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 How are you going to know what the real deal is? If he's a player, he'll eventually lose interest as he'll know that he won't get any sex. Can YOU wait? What if you "fall in love with him?" Are you that emotionally pulled, manipulated? Things to consider and watch out for. In the short-term he'll be sweet or say all the things you want to hear. Concentrate on his actions and be cautious. Good things to consider. My ex-bf broke up with me 2 months ago and I fell in love with him so quickly. I'd like to think I won't let myself do that again. Its true, that once I think he's sincere, I will fall in love and have sex. I agree, watch his actions. They speak louder. And trust my gut. My gut says what everyone says here, he wants sex. So I suspect he'll bail after a few dates, if he even asks. Thanks. I appreciate your help and everyones on here:) 1
Author beyondcrushed Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 (edited) How will you know if it's the real deal? A guy can wine and dine you and go through the whole courtship phase because he knows you'll succumb at some point. Essentially, they don't mind waiting. Holding out doesn't change the intent. Hmm. That's interesting. I guess it depends on how patient they are. LOL. I wonder what the average wait time is? I heard you should wait at least 12 dates or 3 months. It is true that his intent will still be the same. If he wanted a relationship, he would of been wining and dining me at the get go. Time to move on. Edited December 18, 2013 by beyondcrushed
scorpiogirl Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 And don't keep in touch with him anymore in the hopes that he might want more. This cuddling and massaging nonsense really irritates me. You can do better
abby2 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 Hmm. That's interesting. I guess it depends on how patient they are. LOL. I wonder what the average wait time is? I heard you should wait at least 12 dates or 3 months. It is true that his intent will still be the same. If he wanted a relationship, he would of been wining and dining me at the get go. Time to move on. Wait at least 3 months. This one seem like a player just want sex. If you don't want to get hurt at the end, don't contact him anymore. You can find a better one.
Author beyondcrushed Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 So there are better guys out there who are serious and respectful and are looking for a relationship?? 2
Shashasha Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 So there are better guys out there who are serious and respectful and are looking for a relationship?? DEFINITELY. I believe this so strongly.
Iguanna Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 So there are better guys out there who are serious and respectful and are looking for a relationship?? If you learn not to compromise for less, eventually you'll find one.
Leigh 87 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 oh my goodness... So he barely knows you yet wants to "cuddle" and "massage you" When a guy mentions being cuddling, massages, kisses or any sort of physical mentioning at ALL; it means they JUST WANT SEX. And possibly cuddles too ^^
Leigh 87 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 A well balanced adult who is searching for a committed relationship will simply want to date you. He will want to talk to you. A guy who is truly interested will be too busy wanting to get to know YOU better. He will want to talk to you a lot to get a true sense of who you are as an individual. Guys who have wanted sex from me mentioned sex early on. They wanted to just go to my room and "cuddle" opposed to making a day out of our "outings" Guys who were genuinely into me wanted to spend more time DOING things WITH me, rather then TO me sexually:sick: For the love of god, woman: when a guy you are not close to mentions "cuddling" and "massages" after a first date, RUN!
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