Ladydrib Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 I'm exhausted. I have been working so hard to grow healthy again. I'm still in love with my ex MM though, or at least who I thought he was. It is such a road block to my life and I want it to stop. I've been working for so hard, for so long. I thought I'd feel better by now. I'm so sad. I feel like I'll never love again. If I can't stop loving him, I will not be open for love. It hurts so badly to love someone who is so toxic.
whichwayisup Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 You will love again, I promise you that! Though right now of course you feel like you won't. The timing isn't right and you're not even close to being over him. Let yourself grieve and heal..Be good to yourself too, no beating yourself up or putting yourself down either! That serves no purpose at all, only makes you feel worse than you do. (just in case you are doing that!) You Don?t Miss Him. You Miss The Idea Of Who You Wanted Him To Be. | The Current Conscience And read articles on baggage reclaim. 2
threelaurels Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Yes, it will get better. It just takes time. Are you NC with xMM? How long has it been since the end of the A? Keep yourself busy. Go out with friends. Visit family. Anything you can do to get yourself out of the house--take a walk around the park (or mall, if it's cold out) by yourself, go to the gym, etc. In general, physical activity will help more than stationary things because you'll get the added benefit of endorphin release (and adrenaline rush with things like exercise). However, anything you can do to get your mind off xMM will help, even if it's curling up with a pint of Ben & Jerry's and reading a book. 1
Author Ladydrib Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 Are you still in contact with the MM? Mostly not. But I had a relapse. His words from before we went NC were running through my head again. I think his words were said intentionally to condition me to keep running back. But then sometimes I begin to doubt and fear, what if he was sincere? What if I just threw away our love because I didn't stay longer? That's how he conditioned me though. He always stalled, said leaving is hard, I needed to be supportive of him while he pushed through it, he was so close, if I leave he won't leave because we would be disconnected. Whether it was true or not. His words still haunt me. When I stay busy I'm good. But then I hit moments of lows. I was NC for a month. Going back into NC now. The PA ended over six months ago. I ended it. The EA has been near impossible to break. My life circumstances do not help. There are some road blocks which make reengaging with life more difficult than if the road blocks were not there. However I keep pushing forward. I just have carried so much pain for so long that I feel like I'm half way through a marathon and am panicking as to how I will have the strength to keep going. I feel like the next hill I hit that I will pass out.
Author Ladydrib Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 You will love again, I promise you that! Though right now of course you feel like you won't. The timing isn't right and you're not even close to being over him. Let yourself grieve and heal..Be good to yourself too, no beating yourself up or putting yourself down either! That serves no purpose at all, only makes you feel worse than you do. (just in case you are doing that!) You Don?t Miss Him. You Miss The Idea Of Who You Wanted Him To Be. | The Current Conscience And read articles on baggage reclaim. Really good article. Thanks. I spend a lot of my free time reading articles like this to try and help untwist my mind.
skywriter Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 (((LadyD))) Gosh, it seems like you've been going through breaking it off with this man for too long now. His words have too much power over your thoughts.How can you believe , truly, that you, threw away your love? It sounds like you just need a really good support system in place.Someone to help you through this, until you are stronger. I hope you will find a way to stay focused and make 2014 the year about LadyDrib. It's time. 1
Denton2406 Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 I sympathise with you, I feel exactly the same. I've been NC for 6 weeks, not agreed, but neither of us have contacted the other....I hurt loads, feel it every day. I just want it to go away.
Author Ladydrib Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 I sympathise with you, I feel exactly the same. I've been NC for 6 weeks, not agreed, but neither of us have contacted the other....I hurt loads, feel it every day. I just want it to go away. This is my third NC. I am going crazy going back and forth. Read the article that whichwayisup posted. It's really good. Might help you. 1
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