alazlam Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 So...I'm currently in a relationship of about 1.5 years, and I think we need to break up due to some serious red flags that have slowly come to light over the past several months (i.e. emotional abuse, no sex, no support). Despite the issues, I still care about my bf and what happens to him very much (most days we're good)... The guilt of being the dumper is killing me a bit (never done this before with a serious relationship), and worrying about what will happen to him is causing me to delay (like financial things, and loneliness). I know it's like..."if you really care and love about him, you'd cut the cord instead of leading him on and on." I know... I hate what I'm doing, and I hate I'll have to crush him. I've been on the other end of it too; it sucks hardcore... We live together in an apt, both our names are on the lease, which is up in July. I don't know how to handle like...moving out (I don't think he'll want to leave...). He's got a bit of a vindictive streak in him (when he gets really upset), so I'm worried he'll like...destroy my stuff or not let me get my things. So if you've ever been in this position, how did you handle it? And how do you handle the guilt?? Thanks, guys
Philosoraptor Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 What guilt? If you're honest with him and do it as gentle as possible (while giving zero false hope) you have nothing to feel guilty about. Yes he will be hurt. But that's just part of life, everyone gets dumped at some point and everyone gets hurt. But if you're honest and kind while doing it you have nothing to feel guilty about. In the end neither of you would want guilt to cause the relationship to go on any longer, and you both deserve the chance to find people who are crazy about you. A win-win in the end; just a bump in the road now. 1
PegNosePete Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 We live together in an apt, both our names are on the lease, which is up in July. I don't know how to handle like...moving out (I don't think he'll want to leave...). He's got a bit of a vindictive streak in him (when he gets really upset), so I'm worried he'll like...destroy my stuff or not let me get my things. If you're both on the lease then you both have an obligation to get the rent paid, and you both have the right to live there. Why should he leave because you've decided the relationship is over? As for your stuff if you're really worried then get the irreplaceable stuff (passport, personal documents, photos, etc) out in advance of breaking up. Bigger stuff like TV and sofa, you won't be able to get them out of course without raising suspicion! So you'll have to handle that as it comes. But if you're on the lease, he can't shut you out.
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