Iguanna Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 If you sense things are off, don't hesitate to do something about it. Don't play head games. Don't psychoanalyze. Don't mind-read. Don't try to predict what he'll do or say or what his intentions may be. Instead, be honest and expect the same from him. I'd add, if there is something that makes you doubt or feel bad and you don't get enough answers when you ask about this or when you express your worries, then leave. All together these 2 paragraphs are a real general good "recipe" for a new relationship. Thank you for the wisdom writergal 2
Author lioness75 Posted December 20, 2013 Author Posted December 20, 2013 People worship honesty and they search for it like crazy, but when it comes to the point when they have to be honest themselves, they get scared or careless "who cares if I am honest to X, I don't care for them anyway and I'm never gonna see them again, let them take the hint". This situation is really hurtful cause not only have you given a part of your heart and time to this person and you didn't receive anything as a thank you, but he has betrayed you in a bad way by letting you wonder and maybe worry that something serious is the matter sometimes, while what really happens is, they're just not into you, they have gone back to their ex, they wanted you only for sex, and dozens of other reasons which you will never know. I've tried in my life not to do this. It's a game I hate. I can be brutally honest and I won't change cause I'm scared to be hurt once more. Only by getting hurt will you eventually find someone who is worth it. Don't lock your heart, don't lose your hope. There are many people who will act like this, but this doesn't mean we have to change our whole personality and soul for them. You are so right!! He used to tell me that i should be straightforward with him, tell him if I have any concerns, he prefers that instead of me exploding or disappearing. At the time i didnt understand why did he think I would disappear, who does that? But right now it is so obvious.
beyondcrushed Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Its true. When a man is into you, his actions are consistent from the start and throughout the relationship. You and him and your relationship grows and blossoms. The moment they pull back, distance themselves, is the moment they lose interest. And they usually won't tell you. You can't make someone make you a priority. And confronting them about why they are withdrawing isn't going to get you anywhere. They will deny. And will feel like you are attacking them. Making them pull further away. I've had a relationship with a consistently interested man and one that would showed interest at the start then withdrew. The consistently interested man was the relationship that blossomed and we got married. The one that withdrew, did so about 6 weeks in and he kept withdrawing. He kept me around cause he had fun with me and sex was good. But his disinterest grew cause I kept confronting him about my issues with his lack of interest. LOL. He ended the relationship. So, its true, if your gut is telling you something doesn't feel right, it likely isn't and you should move on. Someone who is interested will show you and you will know. 1
Thegreatestthing Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Find someone who really likes you,and who needs you as much as you need them.
TheFinalWord Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 He is an workoholic, but i do not believe that this should be an excuse not to contact someone. After all a text takes only 1 minute. I have a busy life as well and i still managed to make time for him. I recently went to see him on a working day because he had an infection and high fever. So i made him a priority. My question is: how do you become someone's priority? As a self-professed work-a-holic, I can assure you, if a man is interested, he will find the time. Building a relationship should flow naturally. If not, and one is doing more than the other, you can't expect it to change. He knows he can be lazy and you will pick up the slack. I was so invested so quick because he seemed to be the same and said he was the same. Until the iphone/ipad disappearance. Even then he insisted so much on the story, that i accepted the possibility that i might me wrong. He is generally a very serios person, but that doesn't men ****, as i can see. I have had a woman pull the "my phone was broken" line...in this day and age, it is too easy to find multiple ways to communicate. I don't buy it. He used to tell me that i should be straightforward with him, tell him if I have any concerns, he prefers that instead of me exploding or disappearing. When someone says this stuff add "...for now" to it. I have had many women tell me the nicest things "I love you" "no one but you" "I would never leave you"...guess what? They left They do mean that in the moment (unless they are total manipulators; this guy is 46, very possible he is having an affair), but feelings change. Lovey-dovey "crush" puppy love emotions are fickle. Real love is enduring. Love takes times to develop and usually a trial together to prove. What upsets me is the lack of respect and the fact that he mocked me not once, but twice, the second time after i helped him through his sickness, found him a doctor, went to the hospital with him. Hell, i even brought him soup! Would it have been so difficult to treat me with respect? I am sorry you have to go through this. There is a saying "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me". Please do not ignore your BS- detector instinct. If you feel a guy is lying, he probably is. 1
Author lioness75 Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 As a self-professed work-a-holic, I can assure you, if a man is interested, he will find the time] I believe the same thing too. I know what it means to be busy. But instead of taking it for what it was , i was trying to find excuses for him. I have had many women tell me the nicest things "I love you" "no one but you" "I would never leave you"...guess what? They left They do mean that in the moment (unless they are total manipulators; this guy is 46, very possible he is having an affair), but feelings change. Lovey-dovey "crush" puppy love emotions are fickle. Real love is enduring. Love takes times to develop and usually a trial together to prove. This was the first time a guy told me so much so soon. It felt weird for me. I mean, "I love you" after 3 dates? I never had that. Also, he told me "i will never give up". Can't decide if he was manipulating me or he really felt those things...in that moment. He did look me straight in the eyes and lied to me about the theft story. I can usually tell when someone is lying, but with this guy i couldnt see any signs, that is why i did not have trouble accepting the first disappearance as due to the iphone/ipad theft.
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