MalachiX Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Ok, so challenging situation coming up. I've got a female friend who I've known for a few years and I'm pretty well aware she has a crush on me (even though she's never said so). It's not hard to see (and if I notice something I know it's there as I tend to be pretty oblivious at times). Over the years we've gotten closer. Early in the friendship I was more flirty towards her because there was some attraction. As I got to know her a bit better I become aware that she often got "used" by guys and it always messed with her head. I tried to tone back the flirting because I knew I didn't feel strongly enough for her and didn't want to be another guy who ended up hurting her. We've had periods when we were very close and other periods where we weren't. Over the last six months I think we've gotten pretty close again. I think we both get frustrated with the dating world and with the insincere nature of people in our business. It's nice to be able to confide in each other about these things and vent when we need to. And yes, there remains an attraction between us and we tend to be cuddly when we see each other. I've become a bit worried about things recently. We both went through some difficult times and tried to be each other's sounding boards. In my case, I had a pretty deep depression but then came out of it and tend to be more upbeat than ever. In her case, she ended up dating a mutual friend (another guy who she had a similar sorta-friendship with) but he ended up letting it be a FWB situation. This seemed to do a number on her. Part of it was her own fault since she allowed that to happen though part of me is disappointed with our mutual friend since she had told him, as well as me, that she let's herself get sucked into FWB situations when she's lonely but always regrets it. Anyway, about a month ago she said (half joking) that we should make the "marriage pact" if we're both single when we're 40 (which is still more than a decade away). I tried to joke it off. I said, "but then we won't be hot anymore; we'd definately have to have sex before 35 so we get something useful out of it while we're young." In hindsight, I really think that was a stupid thing to say but I basically fell back on being flirty in trying to avoid something serious. She recently joked again about our pact and I'm sensing that there's a danger for things to keep escalating. More than once over the last few years, a mutual friend has thought there was something going on between us. I admit, I've probably been wanting to hang out with her more often recently because I've become more frustrated with my lack of a serious relationship and needed a friend. The problem is that I know I'm never going to actually fall for her. It's a personality thing but I can tell that, if we ever dated, I'd enjoy it for a short period then soon want to head for the door. I don't want to do that to her. Does anyone have any advice in dealing with this? I'm thankfully leaving town for a few weeks soon (Christmas); which will put some distance between us but we're going to a party before hand. I've been more and more worried about how much control I have around her. I've been longing for a relationship so much that I've really had the desire to be romantic/intimate with her but I also sense that this is out of desperation rather than genuine romantic affection.
Emilia Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Does anyone have any advice in dealing with this? I'm thankfully leaving town for a few weeks soon (Christmas); which will put some distance between us but we're going to a party before hand. I've been more and more worried about how much control I have around her. I've been longing for a relationship so much that I've really had the desire to be romantic/intimate with her but I also sense that this is out of desperation rather than genuine romantic affection. That's a hard one to fight and I can certainly relate. I got caught up in the exact same thing recently with someone, pretty much because I was going through desperate thoughts in my head about my lack of serious prospects. I don't think there is a way to salvage this without distance at least for a while because I don't think she is the kind of girl who can emotionally distance herself otherwise. I'm sure you can discipline yourself but she will internalise it and end up feeling hurt. I think distance for quite a while is the way forward, unfortunately.
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