vanellope Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 I want to know is anyone here had a relationship with MM, and finally ending, but both of you feel this is a good decision and end as a amicable way, maybe still friends (i mean real friends, means simple want each other good). and no regret and sad feelings. if so, how it end like and how to end. I did end the relationship with MM recently, I am very sad, but I want search a way to relase myself from this sad feelings. and I feel no hate feeling but bless feeling for him is the good way to heal myself.
Author vanellope Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 and now he keep sending me message, like "are you ok?", or "are you sleeping?", after we agree no contact anymore becasue his wife found our private video and threat if we contact she will public that. I did not write back although sometimes I really want to write back becasue miss him.
whichwayisup Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Absolutely impossible to be "just" friends or as you say "real friends" after the affair ends. All that means is, emotional affair and it'll prevent you from moving on, getting rid of feelings for him, both emotional and sexual - And for him, the friendship is a selfish one, on the expense of his wife and marriage. It will never work. This isn't like a regular relationship where two people can end a R and still be casual buddy's..an affair is a whole other ball game as you know first hand. Affairs are messy and people get hurt. You went into this willingly and knew he was married, so of course you're gonna be hurt and sad when the A ends (well it has ended) so let yourself grieve the loss, cry and be sad. why prevent that from happening? I did end the relationship with MM recently, I am very sad, but I want search a way to relase myself from this sad feelings. and I feel no hate feeling but bless feeling for him is the good way to heal myself. You need to go through the stages of grief. It takes time and also surrounding yourself around happy, positive and fun people helps as well. Don't sit and cry for days on end and isolate yourself, that's not good. Anyway, no way can you be friends with this guy. NC is the only way to go. Plus, let's say you are still 'friends' with him and in 6 months his wife finds out (and she is/was under the impression NC was in place) all that will do is fuel her fire to get you and send that video out. Yes she is threatening but you had an affair with her husband, so expect the worst if you stick around and hang onto him. She is fighting back - for herself, her marriage and because she's doing this, the ball is in your court. Do you continue NC and let him go completely, grieve and heal or do you cling and hope that one day he'll continue the affair? He isn't leaving his wife. If he was going to, he would have done so already.
whichwayisup Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 and now he keep sending me message, like "are you ok?", or "are you sleeping?", after we agree no contact anymore becasue his wife found our private video and threat if we contact she will public that. I did not write back although sometimes I really want to write back becasue miss him. Do not write him back. Accept it's over, make peace with it and make your own closure. You miss him, okay, so cry it out. Write letters for theraputic reasons only, don't send them. write it in a word program or with paper and pen so you're not tempted to put his email address in and hit send. Unless you want that video to go public, stay in NC mode.
Author vanellope Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 (edited) whichwayisup, thank you. did you also go though this before? six month before was not his wife find out, is was he told his wife that he want marry me and divorse her, and his wife know we still contact. 2 months ago we start being friends becasue he don't want divorce in the end. Edited December 17, 2013 by vanellope
Popsicle Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Yes, here, no arguments or confronting him about leaving, just fading to black. 1
Cinnimon Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 This happened to me. I ended the A, no d-day, he decided he wasn't leaving after all . He continued to call and text to "check on me" and to tell me how much he loved me ( insert vomit icon) . One evening he called " to see how your doing" and I told him. I'm fine, leave me alone, I'm done with you. Don't call or text me again. That has worked so far.
Helen A Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 I'm friends with the MM that I had a weird relationship with. If I chose not to be, which I think sometimes I would like, it would take some explaining ( we been friends years) I've been sad about it all ending, but I'm not anymore. I wish it never happened. I've been the only one bothered by it, I don't think that he ever cared and that still makes me feel ****ty even though I don't want to start it up again. I've said it to myself hundreds of times but this time I'm def on NC. I'm not re engaging . I wish him well and we will speak as couples together but I will never interact with him on my own again/ text/ anything. It's done. So I guess you can be friends but I suppose it will never be the same again.
Rollercoaster Rider Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 I want to know is anyone here had a relationship with MM, and finally ending, but both of you feel this is a good decision and end as a amicable way, maybe still friends (i mean real friends, means simple want each other good). and no regret and sad feelings. if so, how it end like and how to end. I did end the relationship with MM recently, I am very sad, but I want search a way to relase myself from this sad feelings. and I feel no hate feeling but bless feeling for him is the good way to heal myself. The answer is NO!!!! You cannot be friends, you cannot talk, do not respond! All that does is leave the door open a crack...and your Nightmare will never end. Shut the door, lock it, and throw away the key :-) :-)
underwater2010 Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 I want to know is anyone here had a relationship with MM, and finally ending, but both of you feel this is a good decision and end as a amicable way, maybe still friends (i mean real friends, means simple want each other good). and no regret and sad feelings. if so, how it end like and how to end. I did end the relationship with MM recently, I am very sad, but I want search a way to relase myself from this sad feelings. and I feel no hate feeling but bless feeling for him is the good way to heal myself. His wife knows about your affair. So the simple answer is NO you cannot be friends....at least not without her blessing. And since she is threatening to release your video...I would say that is highly unlikely. In fact...to preserve your reputation, I would never contact him again.
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