SerCay Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 (edited) I call him after 3 weeks post BU to tell him my favourite aunt got ill Can't get to actually telling him because he starts off angry that I just disappeared on him He asks me if I dated yet..I say no, not even thinking about that kind of thing yet. I ask him if he is dating. He says he doesnt want to get into that subject. I tell him stop being childish, why get upset because he suspects me of dating again, WHEN HE ALREADY IS DATING He starts telling he that I made him do this, and multiple girls are taking care of him now, he tells me I was a lowzy girlfriend and I shouldn't be so confident about myself and that I only have my looks working for me..he goes on and on like this... Then I hang up saying look, I get it, you're dating, I dont think you have the right to be angry, let's jst not contact each other again. He gets even angrier and saying ugly stuff, so I hang up. He then starts texting me about how happy he is that I'm miserable and how I made him feel so insecure and he's all happy now. I ask him again, please, dont text me. He continues... I tell him, look the only reason I called you was because I felt like talking to you and telling you my aunt got ill, not to fight you. Please just leave me alone. Best. He gets even angrier in his texts, starts hinting at that I know the girl he's dating with (couple minutes ago there were multiple girls and now it's only 1 ...strange...anyway) He's obviously hinting at the girl he cheated on me with years ago. He does this all to hurt and belittle me..woww im so apalled. Then he starts calling me, I dont pick up, he continues. Eventually he texts me this: ''you do this every time, I text text text and call call call and you just ignore me'' WOW people...just WOW. That's it. Changing my phone numbers, e-mails and hiding my FB page for searches. WOW. thats how I feel right now. just WOW. Edited December 17, 2013 by SerCay THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULDN'T BREAK THE NO CONTACT
Author SerCay Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 yes I have..actually I just stopped talking to him because I got fed up, It was 3 or 4 weeks ago
sportzhl24 Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Yeah, wow is right. I realize how upsetting all this must be. But like you said, the best thing to do is cut off contact. He'll calm down eventually and stop bothering you. You haven't done anything wrong. 1
Zahara Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 You ended it with him. When you do that you lose all right and benefit to to just pick him up because you need support or someone to talk to. Poor form as someone mentioned. Leave him alone. Find others that can support you in your time of need. 3
Author SerCay Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 Then why are you contacting him? You broke up with him. To contact the dumpee so soon after breaking it off is poor form. I'm sorry your aunt got ill, but it's not the kind of news you should be putting onto him. He's going to be angry, and emotional, and expecting him to be there for you is not something you should rely on. You ended things, he's not obliged to give you any emotional support. Did you end things properly? ie. "I want to break up"? Or did you do the fade out/Houdini move and just disappear? Oh no no no not like that..I'm too tired to type longer sentences atm forgive me stringchick..please read my past threads, you will see what kind of relationship I was in.. 1
Zoe Lilith Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 What was your expectation after you contacted him? Were you expecting a specific reaction? Sounds like it was an "experiment" to see what he would do and what would happen!
Author SerCay Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 (edited) guys before you all start attacking.. I was in an emotionally abusive /manipulative relationship (from his side) for 3 years. I HAD to leave to keep my sanity. I didn't leave for any other reason. I called him because he has been the only person I talk to about this kind of thing for 3 years now. It's hard to just let that go. I shouldn't have called him I know that. But as my aunt is having surgery this morning I felt really low and wanted to talk to him. Sometimes I get weak, it happens in the break up phase. Edited December 17, 2013 by SerCay 1
sportzhl24 Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Yeah I guess I overlooked that detail that you contacted him first. You definitely should not have done that. You're just rattling the bees nest.
Author SerCay Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 I know I know I shouldn't have... I just got weak and sad and I called him. I'm just apalled by his reactions, still in shock
WhoreyBull Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 There are crisis hotlines you can call if you need to talk. Contacting someone emotionally abusive after you broke up about a serious issue will get you one thing. Emotional abuse. Never talk to this man again. Focus on your aunt, your family, yourself. Don't open yourself up to more pain. 1
Zahara Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 guys before you all start attacking.. I was in an emotionally abusive /manipulative relationship (from his side) for 3 years. I HAD to leave to keep my sanity. I didn't leave for any other reason. I called him because he has been the only person I talk to about this kind of thing for 3 years now. It's hard to just let that go. I shouldn't have called him I know that. But as my aunt is having surgery this morning I felt really low and wanted to talk to him. Sometimes I get weak, it happens in the break up phase. Why would you even seek emotional support from someone who was emotionally abusive and manipulative towards you for 3 years. Appaling is your need to resume contact with someone like that and when they choose to repeat their behavior, react surprised that they would treat you that way. What lesson did you not learn after 3 years of abuse? People like that have no ability to comfort you. Period. Establish a new circle of support. I have feeling you contacted him because you just simply wanted to break contact and used your aunts situation as a legitimate excuse to feed that need. Be appalled at your behavior, not his. He's just doing what he's always been doing. You stick to NC. You left for a reason. That reason as you can see hasn't changed.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Yeah, I'm sorry, but this was your doing. Not that he's an ass -- that's his doing. But you know what kind of guy he is and you did this anyway. You basically walked into a forest fire and are surprised that you got burned. Just a bad, bad, bad idea. He sucks, but you can't jump into a hornet's nest and get mad at the hornets for stinging you. That's what they do, and that's what he does.
derfsangel Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Like you, I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with someone whose anger flared for no apparent reason. He had been the dumper over and over again in our turbulent relationship but the last time, it was I. I got fed up and knew we would never work together. Like you, I also sometimes feel weak. Your experience is the exact reason that I will never contact my ex or respond to him... I can sense I would have the same reactions from him. It just reopens the wounds deeper.. something I will avoid and you should too. Feel free to PM me anytime. I know exactly how you feel as I've been down that road before. Seek support elsewhere, do NOT contact him or respond to him anymore. It's hard, I know that... but you don't want or need to be going through this turmoil anymore, nor does he. 1
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