ktya Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 (edited) Im pretty new back into the dating scene and I've never dated casual before. I've been pretty much a serial monogamist and after a LONG time of being in one relationship after another I want to start dating casually. I've never had a problem getting into a relationship with girls but I'd like to date, and call me nuts, but I'd like to avoid online dating and do it old school but it's been a very long time. So down to the question: Do you ladies prefer if he asks for your number and then calls you, or would you rather if he gives you his number and lets you make the call to show him your interested? I've met girlfriends doing both, but in random situations I've just handed the girl my business card because I didn't have a pen or sometimes even the time to go through and try to get her to put my number in her phone. While I prefer just giving them my number and waiting for them to call me (so I dont get the fake numbers or have them screening my call) I've hit on about 7 girls now offering to take them out on a date for dinner or something and haven't gotten a call back from a variety of random situations. I'm a pretty outgoing guy who does sales so its not really that hard for me to approach them. Is it that they'd rather me ask for their number? Maybe they dont like calling or emailing me at work? Maybe I just havent hit the right girl yet? I've got a great job and a wicked business card, I work in investment banking; I dont mind them looking me up on there to see who I am and what I do I think it's a plus. Inquiring guys want to know Edited December 17, 2013 by ktya wrong context - fixed
petitefleur Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 I have no experience but I wouldn't call a guy who gave me his number. In my mind, it means he's not interested enough to make the effort. A bank teller once gave me his card and asked me to call him whenever I wanted to hang out. It sounded like he wanted something easy. I guess it depends on the girl though, I'm shy. I suppose an outgoing one wouldn't mind calling you. 2
Author ktya Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 Also in making comment about my own personal attempts there is also an email address on the card if they are afraid of calling me at work.
MalachiX Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Seriously? Just get their damn number and call them! If you want to go out then why would you make them go through more work to date you? 2
MissBee Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 I'd rather him take my number and call me if I'm interested in him. I take a man's number instead of giving him mine when I DON'T like him. That way he doesn't have mine and I can choose not to call him. If I like him I'd really prefer him to call me, esp if HE approached. Don't approach me and expect me to call you. If I approached you though then that's a bit different, I'd be more willing to make the call then. 2
Author ktya Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 Interesting. 2 votes for him taking the number and calling the girl and zip so far for giving the number and them calling him. One guy voting for him taking the number which helps but this is really a question for the ladies. I've been out of the scene for a long time and given today's hookup culture I would have thought it would be more liberal and less traditional these days.
manders_01 Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 I'm definitely a give my number kind of gal. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 (edited) I don't mind either way, but to me it's kinda nicer if he actually gives me his number , because it shows some level of confidence on his part, and also , that he is interested enough in me to share his number, when in fact I could turn out to be a batsh*t crazy woman lolllll. (yes, some men have refused to give out their number even though they claimed to be interested in me, and even though I gave them my number, to the point where they didn't even want to call me because that would've given away their number -- that's kinda sh*tty treatment). It also leaves the ball in my court (I'm a bossy kinda woman who likes to take the initiative a lot of the time -- which really makes puts me at a disadvantage in dating/ relationships, I guess. since men apparently prefer passive women despite claiming they want a woman who takes the initiative and who leads) ,and doesn't leave me waiting and wondering if he's gonna call me. Instead, I can text or call him, and if he doesn't answer or call back, then his loss. Whereas it's more of a rejection if he asks for my number and then doesn't call. It would almost feel like he just used me as an ego boost to see if he could get a chick's #... On the other hand, I can see how some women might not like a guy who just gives out his number and doesn't take hers.. he might come off as a coward, or passive (even if he took the initiative to give out his number), and it might sound like an invitation to the woman to chase the guy... which might come off as arrogant.. I prefer if a guy asks for my number and I will in return ask for his, or if he puts it in my phone while we're chatting and lets me do the same on his phone (I've had this done to me and I've done this for men). That's the best scenario. But failing that, I really don't mind either way, if he gives me his number or takes mine. Edited December 17, 2013 by NoMoreJerks
Author ktya Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 so the last post i'll take as a 0.5 either way so 3.5 for the guy asking for the number and 0.5 for him giving it, 1 guy who says ask for it pretty small sample so far but it might keep going in this direction
CrystalCastles Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 I definitely prefer a man to get my number and then call me. I am a very confident woman, and I've asked guys out before, but there's something especially sexy when a man I like pursues me and isn't afraid of making his interest clear. 2
MalachiX Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 so the last post i'll take as a 0.5 either way so 3.5 for the guy asking for the number and 0.5 for him giving it, 1 guy who says ask for it pretty small sample so far but it might keep going in this direction Clearly the best use of your time is to continue to take surveys of people on LS rather than asking women out...
Graduate Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 I would not contact a guy who gave me his number. I'd feel like he is cocky and trying to get me to ask him out. If you are interested in me, get my number and ask me out.
rocketman122 Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 I'd rather him take my number and call me if I'm interested in him. I take a man's number instead of giving him mine when I DON'T like him. That way he doesn't have mine and I can choose not to call him. If I like him I'd really prefer him to call me, esp if HE approached. Don't approach me and expect me to call you. If I approached you though then that's a bit different, I'd be more willing to make the call then. Thats not cool. if you dont like him, dont lead him on. say thank you I have a BF or no thank you, but to give him false hope, not cool. why play with someones feelings? I wouldnt do it to a woman, and certainly dont want someone doing it to me.. 1
MrCastle Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 I don't know how some of you see a guy giving you his number as cocky. I see it as nervous/shy. He's scared you'll say no if he asks for yours, so he's made the decision for you. That's all that is. Men have to ask for the chick's number. Giving her your number is a 50/50 thing. Asking for hers and getting it -- works out in your favor every time, because you get to decide when to call her, as opposed to getting antsy everytime someone sends you a text, thinking it's from her.
MissBee Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Thats not cool. if you dont like him, dont lead him on. say thank you I have a BF or no thank you, but to give him false hope, not cool. why play with someones feelings? I wouldnt do it to a woman, and certainly dont want someone doing it to me.. I do this to men who can't take no for an answer. When all the "I have a bf", "I'm not interested" etc. fails, I have found it much easier to take his number and end it right there than spend 10 minutes saying I'm not interested. I am almost positive such guys are not at home crying about it if I don't call them. I am also sure they probably have done this to several women before me and even if I called they probably wouldn't even remember which one I was.
Author ktya Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 5.5 for him getting the girls number to 0.5 for him giving his number. Not that representative of a sample, 6 ladies on a dating forum, but 10:1 is a pretty strong showing so far. I'll omit the guys opinions from the survey because i am not looking for where guys are coming from although it is interesting. I dont see a guy giving a girl his number as cocky though. I would personally see it as the opposite, the guy just asking for a girls personal info is the cockier one. Maybe this is why girls often complain of always meeting such jerks - if they totally ignore a guy who offers his own info and only go out with guys who straight up ask for theirs. In my own case with the cards it was a matter of time. In about 6 seconds i can give them my number, a way to check me out, my email if they are a bit too shy to call, all without having to stop everything and find a pen and paper or whipping out the phone and adding a contact. So i can focus on talking to them. But my opinion is moot. So far it seems overwhelmingly favored if the guy asks for her number so im going to start altering my game. I figured that times have changed in 20 years, but i guess some things never change.
PegNosePete Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 (so I dont get the fake numbers or have them screening my call) Well there is a very simple trick to avoid that. When they give you their number, read it back to them, and insert a deliberate mistake. If they correct you then it's their real number and they actually want you to call. If they don't correct you then it's either a fake number or they aren't bothered about you calling, just say goodbye and move on. 4
Author ktya Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 Well there is a very simple trick to avoid that. When they give you their number, read it back to them, and insert a deliberate mistake. If they correct you then it's their real number and they actually want you to call. If they don't correct you then it's either a fake number or they aren't bothered about you calling, just say goodbye and move on. Nice work. Im definitely going to remember that one, thanks. It is so disappointing taking the leap to get a girls number, having the elation of actually getting it figuring you made it past step one, waiting around to call and thinking up a place to take her, then getting some old man who does not speak english who knows nothing about this Rebecca you are calling for. I can see why women would do it if a guy just wont get the message and keeps trying but ive never been like that and i still got fakes. A super smooth technique i saw my friends teenage daughter use was to ask the guy to text her because her phone didnt seem to be working. Then she texted him back and was texting him nonstop for days. I dont know how to apply that in opposite gender roles in a more adult context but where theres a will theres a way i guess.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 (edited) If she gives you her number, you could always call her right away so that she gets your number as well. That way, you can be sure that the number she gave is the right one... That, in my view, is the best way to do it, it shows that you're also willing to trust her with your digits.. a guy who only takes my number but doesn't offer me his, I find a bit of a jerk who wants to keep me at arm's length. As for guys giving out their number, it depends i guess. The guy who gave me his number but didn't take mine : when I texted him so that he got my number, he texted and called, then asked me out , wined and dined me, we had sex, and he disappeared, only to reappear months later... So... potentially a jerk... But that's not to say all guys who give out their number but don't take yours, are jerks. Edited December 17, 2013 by NoMoreJerks
meeji Posted December 18, 2013 Posted December 18, 2013 I expect the guy to ask me for my number if he is interested in me. At first, I didn't think it mattered either way but now that I am older I feel like it is a good indicator that the guy is really interested. He is going out of his way to make sure he can find you again. Women appreciate that effort. If a guy gives me his number I wouldn't call either. He wants to get to know me so why would I call him if this is about his interests? Girls usually have plenty of options and the guy that that is putting the work to make us feel special is probably going to take the cake. Also, it comes across as arrogance because he is interested in me but he wants me to become the initiator as if he is just so irresistable I'd be a fool not to call him. Nah, I'm not calling that guy.. 1
Author ktya Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 Well guys like me who would rather just give out our number certainly are not all jerks. Given the way this thread is going im definitely going to have to change my game up, but my thinking is i approach a girl, show her i am interested, suggest a date idea but lightly and not too heavy like dinner or drinks or a walk in the park or whatever flows, and she can take her time to think about it and if shes willing to give it a try then she can get ahold of me. It gives her time to think about it and every option to decline with grace by simply never calling. The alternative would be me getting her number, and after she has had time to think about it, then theres this guy calling who figures its a slam dunk because she gave out her digits who she has to let down and feel bad for knowing she gave him the signals. A guy she gives her number too could also be a weirdo, and if she wants to try but have an easy exit she can call from a blocked number and be sure to meet in a public place. But... He human condition is a strange one and despite that making a lot of sense it seems women would just rather me ask for their information so they have to reject me on the spot, or if they arent sure either pass up what might be a good thing or have to do it on the phone. All about the initial encounter, i guess. Nice trick about the calling back right away to make sure its the right number. Ill keep that one in mind too. Theres nothing i hate more than friggin fake number givers.
Recommended Posts