break up with the girl of my dreams

[Tbone1234]

Hello,

 

Im new to the forums and just need to talk to someone about my break.

 

So me and my girlfirend have been going for 4yrs. we have been in love and got along well.

 

here is some back ground.... she dumped me out of nowwhere 6 months ago. i had no idea it was coming...she said stuff like its not you its me, she's indifferent....etc....it was right before our 4yr anniversary trip to Boston we planed and i had bought a promise ring i was gonna give her that she didn't know.

 

after a week of talking it over and telling how i felt and resolving some issues we went on the trip and it was great i gave her the ring and everything was awesome. she seemed really happy. and we were back in love.

 

now 6 months later we had a fight while she was in maryland visiting family i said some things and etx.... she didn't respond to my calls or texts or letting me know she had gotten home i wanted to apoligize and jsut talk to her....then she texted me a couple days later saying we needed to talk and met me at a neutral location. (starbucks) she told me it wasn't working and wanted to break up with me and had brought my stuff. :-(

 

I told her how i felt about her and that i loved her and wanted to make things work and how our communication after 4 yrs needed to be worked on because we needed to talk face to face to resolve or problems. not for her to crawl into a shell and ignore me. she thought it was gonna be easy and be done with me but i think she realized that we really needed to have a heart to heart and see me....we left on okay terms. we both hugged. but i still was super confused as to how this was gonna pan out.

 

i wrote her an email a day later and really deep letter just about everything and my thoughts about our relationship and her and me and us. and that id give her as much time and no pressure and that i really truly loved her.

 

and she sent me a text saying...

 

"I appreciate you email. ive been missing you today. my mind is in a battle. i felt like i was so done and that was it. then i see you and hear your determination to make things better. i would like to have another time where i can see you and can talk. alot of the things in your email were thoughts i have had. like kind of starting over and rebuilding and doing things and have us time to grow as individuals together"

 

we texted back and forth about general things. and i made her laugh but i kept it light. and she said talk soon.

 

now its been almost 2 days of NC and its really hard on me and i want to say something to her. i miss her really really bad but i will try and stay NC until she contacts me. i feel like maybe she does really want to reconcile and start over... i keep routing for me in the battle in her head lol.

 

ive been thinking of reasons as to why she broke up with me and all i can think of is "Grass is greener syndrome"....also i feel like shes having some self esteem issues with her gaining weight and not knowing where and what she wants to do with her own life/career.... im 100% sure she hasn't cheated on me but i could be wrong, shes even expressed to me through out or relationship that she would never do such a thing. but i try not to think about that. anyways i thought i was a really good boyfriend and did everything right, we all have our fights and misshaps but its not like it did anything drastic to harm her or our relationship.

 

any advice would be welcome, i really want her back. i would of never given her a promise ring if it wasn't the real deal. my heart is in all sorts of pain. its the worst ive ever felt.

 

maybe the break up 6 months ago we didn't fix things we said we were going to and we went back to our ways. and then she was looking for any excuse to end it.

 

anyways i will try and let her contact me first. and the holidays are coming up so i know it will be even harder on her.

 

its been really hard on me

 

thanks for listening

Edited December 17, 2013 by Tbone1234

[Mariposa10]

You've said everything you needed to say. All you need to do now is wait. Wait for her to make up her mind. She needs to be really really sure about what she wants, otherwise you guys will get back together just to breakup again. I don't think this is what you want.

 

So hide your phone, come up with a plan/routine. Go out with friends, go out to new different places. I don't know, do something, volunteer, anything. But, keep yourself busy. If you contact her, you will only push her away.

 

Good luck and every time you feel like contacting her, come vent here!

[Tbone1234]

thanks! its really hard and your right i need to get my mind of it. and do stuffs!

 

i really feel like she cant make up her mind. she a libra lol

 

im 30 and shes 26 so maybe thats why i dunno....cold feet maybe?

 

at least we aren't married, live together or have kids. i cant imagine that.

 

now i really get it when people say woman are crazy. no offense... i guess we are to

[Mariposa10]

thanks! its really hard and your right i need to get my mind of it. and do stuffs!

 

i really feel like she cant make up her mind. she a libra lol

 

im 30 and shes 26 so maybe thats why i dunno....cold feet maybe?

 

at least we aren't married, live together or have kids. i cant imagine that.

 

now i really get it when people say woman are crazy. no offense... i guess we are to

 

 

Yes, my ex (a guy) according to you would be crazy because he couldn't make up his mind for months. He kept leading me on telling me how much he loved me, blah, blah, but was also seeing another girl.

 

So, it's not just women

 

People like this need to be left alone, so they can really make up their mind.

 

So please, give her space and don't put your life on hold. What if she comes back and she's not sure and you to get married, have kids, etc? And she she changes her mind again? You have to think about all that. What if she doesn't come back? My advice is to not put your life on hold.

 

It's better that she's having doubts right now and not when you two were already married.

 

Come vent here when you need to!

[fixing]

Well, you sound like a sweet amazing guy tbh. That ring, wow, lovely lovely gesture.

 

All you can do now buddy, is sit back and ride the No contact train. The ball is placed perfectly in her court. Not alot else you can do my man...

]

I know Christmas is coming, but she has made this choice to be apart right now, so however strong the urges are to reach out and call. DONT.

 

Keep the NC going and im routing for a happy ending too!

[Tbone1234]

Thanks guys!

 

We are still in a relationship on Facebook which is weird I guess.

 

I don't think changing will help either way so im going to leave it for now.

[Tbone1234]

Also when she gave me my stuff back she also gave me my Xmas presents un wrapped. I had bought her some too but haven't given them to her yet. I really wanna give them to her but i dunno if that will further f things up. Its not like i can use them or return them.

 

One of them is a memory photo book of us I made on shutter fly and I had made it before this had all happened. So i dunno what i should do with it now. I thought maybe it would spark up the good memorys we had and help her think about what shes missing. Like give it to her mom to put under the tree for Xmas.

 

But i probably should hold on to it....I know I'm desperate I need to stop and focus on myself.

Edited December 17, 2013 by Tbone1234

[Mariposa10]

Also when she gave me my stuff back she also gave me my Xmas presents un wrapped. I had bought her some too but haven't given them to her yet. I really wanna give them to her but i dunno if that will further f things up. Its not like i can use them or return them.

 

One of them is a memory photo book of us I made on shutter fly and I had made it before this had all happened. So i dunno what i should do with it now. I thought maybe it would spark up the good memorys we had and help her think about what shes missing. Like give it to her mom to put under the tree for Xmas.

 

But i probably should hold on to it....I know I'm desperate I need to stop and focus on myself.

 

 

Yeah, don't touch the FB stuff yet. And do not give her the present. Because like I told you, do you want her to come back when she's still confused, so that she'll break up with you again? No, I don't think you like the pain you're going through. So let her make up her mind.

[Babolat]

My advice, if you both want to make a go at this, couple/relationshup counseling to work out your communication issues.

 

I sense, from your words and tone, you may be the type that has a short fuse, maybe a temper even, and is probably not the best communicator. She sees and feels that, and, it scares her. Just a guess, not judging you.

[Tbone1234]

I don't think I have a temper. I'm more passive and not say anything. So yah communication is bad on my part. But that's water under the bridge. I have really opened to her now by writing her a letter. But that's because I didn't want to lose her.

 

 

definitely willing to do relationship counseling. I even have a place picked out to try. I will wait for her to contact me and bring it up.

 

Its been 3 days of NC

 

Im so tempted even to just text her "drive safe" since its snowing out lol

[Tbone1234]

Are there any articles/links I can read for myself to learn and heal?

[Mariposa10]

Are there any articles/links I can read for myself to learn and heal?

 

 

Check out this website (no, it's not just for women)

 

Check out this article, it's really helpful.

 

10 Core Breakup Boundaries That Every Person Should Live By | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue

[Tbone1234]

Its been a roller coaster of a day.

 

To me excepting my fate to move one with my life to me hating her and not wanting her back to me agonizing over what she's thinking and what's she gonna do next....to me really wanting her back. All the way back to me saying to my self I have to let her go.

 

This sucks but there's nothing I can do now the ball is in her court.

 

In my OP her last sentence in her text to me was...." time to grow as individuals together"

 

What exactly does that mean how should I interpret that ?

 

 

If it ever happens and she contacts me what should I do?

 

Should I wait to respond? Or respond right away?

 

This sucks but I'm glad u guys ate talking me through this...this is a great health website

 

Thanks again guys

Edited December 17, 2013 by Tbone1234

[Tbone1234]

crap i broke no contact.

 

it was snowing really bad out today and i just texted her saying "hope you made it home safe" nothing more....

 

she had texted me saying the samething on Saturday (3days ago) because of the snow and driving . so i figured it was decent of me to say that today.

 

 

but yur right i need to stick to NC. man its hard.

 

i wont do it again casue it jsut makes me look at my phone even more

[Mariposa10]

crap i broke no contact.

 

it was snowing really bad out today and i just texted her saying "hope you made it home safe" nothing more....

 

she had texted me saying the samething on Saturday (3days ago) because of the snow and driving . so i figured it was decent of me to say that today.

 

 

but yur right i need to stick to NC. man its hard.

 

i wont do it again casue it jsut makes me look at my phone even more

 

Here's the thing. NC will be really hard the first week, after that it'll get easier. After months have passed you'll get the urge to text her again, maybe...

 

In other words, just set a doable goal, like a week of NC then you can keep adding more days.

 

Come here and vent!

[Tbone1234]

Well its done.

 

She made up her mind that it wasn't going to work out between the 2 of us.

 

She said were to incompatible and i couldnt love her the way she needed me to.

 

I tried my best to make it work.

 

I'm heartbroken but I have to move on.

 

Thanks guys for all your support.

 

Maybe in the future it will work out. But now I can get on with my life and start the healing process. Maybe there is hope for us in the future but I'm not going to wait.

 

And words of wisdom a ring doesn't always solve anything. It has to be right.

[Mariposa10]

Well its done.

 

She made up her mind that it wasn't going to work out between the 2 of us.

 

She said were to incompatible and i couldnt love her the way she needed me to.

 

I tried my best to make it work.

 

I'm heartbroken but I have to move on.

 

Thanks guys for all your support.

 

Maybe in the future it will work out. But now I can get on with my life and start the healing process. Maybe there is hope for us in the future but I'm not going to wait.

 

And words of wisdom a ring doesn't always solve anything. It has to be right.

 

It's good that she told you, that way you can start the healing process and start moving on.

 

Whenever you feel down, you can always come here!

[Tbone1234]

Even though I'm still in pain I feel now that...

 

She was to needy and that I didn't love her the way she needed to be loved that's what she said.

 

I feel like that's her insecuritys and being selfish I realize now it was all about her. It goes both ways in a relationship and we or she needed to work on it as we'll. she kept talking about how I didn't know the book of her....yah it was all about her now I realize that.

 

Yah I screwed something's up but nothing drastic in my eyes. I tried my best and I was always there for her and patient.

 

She needs to find herself first and unfortunately she dragged me down with her.

 

She will probably realize what she lost down the road. And she probably won't find anybody like the way I loved her. Maybe the future will bring something

 

 

But I'm not going to wait around its time for me to reinvent myself

[Tbone1234]

Damn it got drunk and broke NC

 

I'm so depressed I want her back so bad i love her and miss her so much

[Mariposa10]

It's normal. Stuff like this tends to happen to everybody. Next time, maybe you shouldn't get drunk?

 

Have you tried setting small goals? Like going NC for a week? and only worrying about that week? etc.

 

What happened when you broke NC?

 

 

Damn it got drunk and broke NC

 

I'm so depressed I want her back so bad i love her and miss her so much

[chris21422]

Man right now you gotta stop breaking NC..

 

Delete her number now, block her in facrbook and just disappear for a while..

 

Everytime you contact her you are just pushing her away.

[Tbone1234]

Okay I will set goals for NC

 

And I'm gonna suspend my Facebook account so I stop looking at it.

 

Man it hurts.

 

I'm thinking if seeking therapy but maybe just talking on here will help.

 

Does the pros cons thing help?

[Tbone1234]

Can I text her parents to ask them how she is doing?

 

Lol your right that will just piss her off even more.

 

 

I've noticed she's been on Facebook a lot checking my profile. She hasn't update her profile at all. Still pics of us and posts of us.

 

So today I suspended my account and her profile is clear of me and she can't look at mine.

 

What will this make her feel/do.

 

I still want her back

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Can I text her parents to ask them how she is doing?

 

Lol your right that will just piss her off even more.

 

 

I've noticed she's been on Facebook a lot checking my profile. She hasn't update her profile at all. Still pics of us and posts of us.

 

So today I suspended my account and her profile is clear of me and she can't look at mine.

 

What will this make her feel/do.

 

I still want her back

 

No don't text her parents.

 

How do you know she is looking at your profile? Her pictures on there don't matter either.

 

Doesn't matter what it makes her feel or do. She is done.

 

Well you may want het back, but it doesnt matter if the other party doesn't.

 

Go no contact and heal yourself.

[Mariposa10]

None of that matters. You need to keep yourself busy. What's your plan for that?

 

Because of this relationship, did you ever stop talking to some friends? Why not re-connect with them? What about your family? Why don't you spend more time with them. Is there something you've been wanting to do but haven't been about to do? Right now is the perfect time.

 

You need to give her space. She knows how you feel about her, if she changes her mind, she'll reach out to you.

 

Can I text her parents to ask them how she is doing?

 

Lol your right that will just piss her off even more.

 

 

I've noticed she's been on Facebook a lot checking my profile. She hasn't update her profile at all. Still pics of us and posts of us.

 

So today I suspended my account and her profile is clear of me and she can't look at mine.

 

What will this make her feel/do.

 

I still want her back