moving2fast Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Hey, So I posted before about how I was an OW and that ended about two weeks ago. I'm going NC with the MM and have been going out a lot to keep busy. So, I went out to a bar Saturday and went home with a guy. I didn't think he'd want to see me again really, and that Wii have been fine. But, he called Sunday, said he had to see me, we went to dinner and he had a gift for me. During dinner he asked if I would be his girl, I said yes without really thinking. We really don't know much about one another. I really don't think I can handle a relationship and just don't want to be lonely. He doesn't really seem to care to know me, just what he can do for and to me. I don't even know if this would even be considered a relationship. It has only been three days, not much talking about anything of importance. I think I should just this before it becomes a problem, but he gives me lots of attention, I like it. He wants to see me tomorrow since his schedule and mine are free, and I kind of know what its going to be when I do. Anyone ever just jump into something when you know you shouldn't because you aren't ready for whatever reason? Does anything good ever come out of this type of thing long-term? I kind of feel like I'm taking advantage of this guy, but he's getting stuff too so maybe its even? I'm so lost.
strive Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Maybe just set some clear boundaries with him. Tell him how you're not completely emotionally available yet. If that's fine with him, then it's all good and you can move slowly. If not, then at least you were able to address it before things go too far. But it will definitely end in disaster if you don't talk to him at all about this.
Author moving2fast Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 Thanks, I wonder if he'll listen. It is just weird. I didn't expect him to want to be around me so much and ask me to be his girl after only having met me the night prior. I wonder if he's just messing with me, he so far isn't trying to get to know me just that I'll be available if that makes sense. I am trying to know about him when we are talking. I don't know what's going on. I just feel funny about this. I know I'm doing something wrong, but right now it feels better than being alone.
strive Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Actually from what you've written, it's either he only wants something casual or he had the falling-head-over-heels-love-at-first-sight kind of thing. My guts are saying it's the former though, kind of like fwb. Like you said, you feel like you're taking advantage of him but if he's doing the same, maybe you're both on equal footing. If you're getting something out of it, then I guess it's all good. Just make everything clear so that there won't be unreal expectations about what you guys actually are to each other.
InnocentMan Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 People will do anything to take away the feeling of loss. If this is working for you, who is anyone else to tell you otherwise? Finding out his previous relationship status would a good starting point. If he is also just fresh from something, you could be heading for disaster. It might end in a week, it might last 20 years, who knows. His keenness to jump in with both feet could indicate he has also just ended a relationship, or he hasn't had one for a while. These are much more likely than the 'love at first sight' scenario. A good idea might be to have a few conversations before you get too heavy. Using people to get over other people so quickly can often end badly, for both of you. The time will come when another man will help you recover, although,it's doubtful if a 2 week gap is long enough. We all have to accept the pain at some point. Dating quickly after a failed relationship might feel helpful, but it generally is just postponing the inevitable.
Author moving2fast Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 strive, I hope its a friend's with benefits type arrangement, I would like that. He may be just as lonely feeling as I am so he asked me that and got me the gift yesterday to keep me interested? I told him he didn't have to do that. I agreed to be his, and I already know that I can't be just with him. I don't want to scare him away so I'm not eager to share much, relieved he hasn't asked either. I enjoy the attention, the physical contact, and its keeping me from feeling extra lonely and possibly breaking NC. I dunno besides the obvious what he's getting and if that's all he wants. I guess it'll be more clear tomorrow when we spend an entire day together?
Author moving2fast Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 InnocentMan, I do worry this is just not going to end well, but right now I want it to keep going. I really don't know much about him besides the fact that he's single, doesn't have children, his job, he hasn't been married before, and certain unimportant things he likes. I wonder how long it will take for real conversation to take place, if ever. I also don't know what he expects from all this. Its probably going to end once he learns my job or more about me. I am not expecting much of anything, but for now its fun and feels good. I don't feel as lonely but I don't feel as though I'm quite a person around him either. Hope that makes sense. It's like a role or something.
InnocentMan Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 You should have a search for articles about rebounds. There's some good stuff out there, that will help you understand how you feel. It's not always a bad thing, but it's useful to know what your thought process might be at the moment. When you feel pain after the end of a relationship, that pain rarely goes away after 2 weeks. You can hide it, but it's still there waiting to rear its head. You can hide it with many things, and starting a new relationship is one of the ways. It would be a shame if your new relationship ran into troubled waters, just because you hadn't fully dealt with a previous one.
Author moving2fast Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 InnocentMan, I feel I've got myself into this just to stay busy and not be alone. I don't expect this to last, I just want someone to care about me in some way right now. I just always have felt that way. I've felt this pain for so long, and the affair ending has made it worse. I lost the closest person to me, my best friend. I think this current relationship/situation is just already flawed. If this man is wanting more than he gets, he has an odd way of starting it off. All conversation so far(even after calling to check on me this evening ) has been about what he likes/wants. I just get happy someone is around talking to me, even though its not the best subjects to converse about. I may just ask what do you want? If just one thing, please don't buy me anything, call to check on me, just hit me up when you're ready to get together.
Recommended Posts