BC1980 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Cotten, Just remember that we know how difficult it is not to text back or initiate contact. We have all been there a thousand times over. I broke NC several times during my journey, so I get it. I've had the text message written out, and I've been sitting there, desperate not to push send. I would literally have a list written out that stated why I needed to remain NC. I would read it everyday, sometimes multiple times. Just concentrate on this week, then make it a month, ect. You will be so much stronger after this breakup. 3
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 19, 2013 Author Posted December 19, 2013 Cotten, Just remember that we know how difficult it is not to text back or initiate contact. We have all been there a thousand times over. I broke NC several times during my journey, so I get it. I've had the text message written out, and I've been sitting there, desperate not to push send. I would literally have a list written out that stated why I needed to remain NC. I would read it everyday, sometimes multiple times. Just concentrate on this week, then make it a month, ect. You will be so much stronger after this breakup. Main thing is: I'm so PROUD of myself for not texting him last night. That was a huge hurdle!!! I'm learning from other people's mistakes. 2
Zoe Lilith Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Main thing is: I'm so PROUD of myself for not texting him last night. That was a huge hurdle!!! I'm learning from other people's mistakes. Stay strong!
rosedl Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Stringchick.... The tone of a lot of these replies is condescending and not helpful. Telling someone that they are being weak, stupid, whatever....it isn't helpful. Someone struggling with this stuff KNOWS they are being weak and having a hard time, it is why they are here.... Sometimes, it takes a lot of mistakes to move on. And, sometimes the process of making them really helps to finally get it right. This forum wouldn't exist if we all had that magical ability to just be strong and move on and hold our boundaries. It takes a hell of a lot of strength to move past your emotions when your heart is screaming no. People feel bad enough about themselves when they are weak and struggling and already feel rejected with a very shaky self esteem. Build people up and give credit for the steps they are taking instead of lambasting them for their failures.
reddragon588 Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Stringchick.... The tone of a lot of these replies is condescending and not helpful. Telling someone that they are being weak, stupid, whatever....it isn't helpful. Someone struggling with this stuff KNOWS they are being weak and having a hard time, it is why they are here.... Sometimes, it takes a lot of mistakes to move on. And, sometimes the process of making them really helps to finally get it right. This forum wouldn't exist if we all had that magical ability to just be strong and move on and hold our boundaries. It takes a hell of a lot of strength to move past your emotions when your heart is screaming no. People feel bad enough about themselves when they are weak and struggling and already feel rejected with a very shaky self esteem. Build people up and give credit for the steps they are taking instead of lambasting them for their failures. You will be hard pressed to find someone nicer or at least positive and supportive than me. My boss has even specifically had me sit with others on my team to teach them how to be more supportive and "diplomatic" as she says. I don't find any of this condescending. At the same time it is important to be supportive, you also need tough love at times. The world isn't always puppy dogs and rainbows. 5
Still Searching Posted December 19, 2013 Posted December 19, 2013 Build people up and give credit for the steps they are taking instead of lambasting them for their failures. When they take a step in the wrong direction, we aren't going to just sit and pretend not to see it... 1
Simon Phoenix Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 Stringchick.... The tone of a lot of these replies is condescending and not helpful. Telling someone that they are being weak, stupid, whatever....it isn't helpful. Someone struggling with this stuff KNOWS they are being weak and having a hard time, it is why they are here.... Sometimes, it takes a lot of mistakes to move on. And, sometimes the process of making them really helps to finally get it right. This forum wouldn't exist if we all had that magical ability to just be strong and move on and hold our boundaries. It takes a hell of a lot of strength to move past your emotions when your heart is screaming no. People feel bad enough about themselves when they are weak and struggling and already feel rejected with a very shaky self esteem. Build people up and give credit for the steps they are taking instead of lambasting them for their failures. Ugh, I hate it when people play posting police. The value of these forums are the different perspectives different people give. If everyone gave advice from the same perspective or had the same approach, that wouldn't be terribly constructive. Give advice in the way you want and let other people give advice in the tone they want to. It's up the OP whether or not she listens to any of it. 1
BC1980 Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 I'd just like to clarify from my post that I DONT think it's a good idea to text him. I think people are not understanding what I said in my post. lol. All I was saying is on the night that this happened, and only then, if she was getting barraged by texts from him, his friends, her family, her friends, all pressuring her to tell WHO WHAT WHY, etc... that even though she does not owe him an explanation or anyone anything, texting a few words might stop the attack on her. It would in no way be an invitation to continue texting her, in no way "communicating" but more like putting a stop to speculation. I know a friend who was in a very bad relationship, and she left one day - nothing said - and disappeared. For the next few MONTHS all of their mutual friends and her ex were texting her asking her details and what happened and is she alive, and how did she get a ride to XYZ. Literally months. Every hour she'd get multiple messages on her phone and facebook, etc. In that case, a person might not feel like they could handle all the pressure and consequences of their decision, and may cave in and go back, or reconcile with the ex. There is a good chance he put his friends up to it, trying to help him get information on where she went. He also visited and bugged her family in the area trying to figure out what happened. In her case, she decided to leave town for good and moved in with her sister a few states over. She could not face answering to all of those people (most of whom who didn't know the details of her relationship). This is why I say that on the night it happened, or shortly thereafter, if something like this were to happen, one text saying she's alive but not coming back might have put a stop to the questioning. Anyway now that CottonSocks is already out and NC for quite a long time, that is not what I am suggesting she do. I am with you guys on the NC. Caitlin There are some instances where it can work to tell the person you are going NC. In my case, I requested that my ex not contact me in any way because I knew he would respect my wishes. I also knew he would be the type to contact my parents or show up at my house if I dropped off the face of the earth. I didn't tell him I was going NC because I owed it to him. I did it because I wanted it to stop as quickly as possible. In Cotten's case, simply leaving is best. He knew she was leaving anyway, so it's no surprise.
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