kellkell Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I was in an 11 month relationship,that I've finally had the guts to end today. It became abusive,name calling,controlling kind of thing about 3 or 4 months back. We hardly saw each other,spent any time together or even text or had phone calls for the past two months.I should have ended it a long time ago,i was just scared too. There is someone i met before my ex. But it never went anywhere other than dating as they had an ex come back from abroad and they tried again. He was lovely and we always enjoyed our time together. I never stopped thinking about him. He found out i had a boyfriend and ended his relationship soon after. We've always stayed in contact. Only a little while ago we bumped into eachother. He actually went as far to say 'when your boyfriend messes up,i'm stepping in'. He's been on my mind for so long. But for yourself as a person,how much time do you think you need to heal especially if you feel like emotionally it was over a long time before it actually was?
Mrlonelyone Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 It depends on the person and the situation. For me to be really over a relationship of any significance.... honestly... it takes me two years. If it lasted for some months or a year or two or more, it takes me two years. I just don't feel the drive to try again with someone until about that much time has passed. As a rule, you should take it slow for about 1/2 of the time your old relationship lasted, if it was less than a year, I'd say. On the other hand opportunity doesn't always knock on schedule. 1
todreaminblue Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I was in an 11 month relationship,that I've finally had the guts to end today. It became abusive,name calling,controlling kind of thing about 3 or 4 months back. We hardly saw each other,spent any time together or even text or had phone calls for the past two months.I should have ended it a long time ago,i was just scared too. There is someone i met before my ex. But it never went anywhere other than dating as they had an ex come back from abroad and they tried again. He was lovely and we always enjoyed our time together. I never stopped thinking about him. He found out i had a boyfriend and ended his relationship soon after. We've always stayed in contact. Only a little while ago we bumped into eachother. He actually went as far to say 'when your boyfriend messes up,i'm stepping in'. He's been on my mind for so long. But for yourself as a person,how much time do you think you need to heal especially if you feel like emotionally it was over a long time before it actually was? no time limits.....for healing....everyone is different
InnocentMan Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 There isn't a specific time limit. If you feel ready, then go for it. Just be aware about it being a rebound type thing and go slowly. Make sure you are moving on for the right reasons, not just to fill a void. Just because your previous relationship was poor, and perhaps unhealthy, it doesn't mean that you don't need to grieve it. If I was you, I would sort out my boundary issues with regards to your previous relationship. You went out with someone for 11 months, but kept contact with someone you had recently dated? It's not surprising you had many issues with your ex. Will you make the same mistake if your ex tries to continue contact? 1
Author kellkell Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 There isn't a specific time limit. If you feel ready, then go for it. Just be aware about it being a rebound type thing and go slowly. Make sure you are moving on for the right reasons, not just to fill a void. Just because your previous relationship was poor, and perhaps unhealthy, it doesn't mean that you don't need to grieve it. If I was you, I would sort out my boundary issues with regards to your previous relationship. You went out with someone for 11 months, but kept contact with someone you had recently dated? It's not surprising you had many issues with your ex. Will you make the same mistake if your ex tries to continue contact? I agree about the contact issues. We were only in contact as all we ever were was friends. In this case,that's a good point. Thank you
Mondmellonw Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 However, you know he wanted to be with you (even when he told it as a "funny" thing). My ex did the same to me with another girl, who was his friend and they always had a thing. Actually, I found out today that he cheated on me when he said he didn't. Blah. Anyways. There's no time limit if you feel like you should give it try. Just take it easy, and good luck.
Mariposa10 Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 It depends on the person and the situation. For me to be really over a relationship of any significance.... honestly... it takes me two years. If it lasted for some months or a year or two or more, it takes me two years. I just don't feel the drive to try again with someone until about that much time has passed. As a rule, you should take it slow for about 1/2 of the time your old relationship lasted, if it was less than a year, I'd say. On the other hand opportunity doesn't always knock on schedule. There's no way in hell I'm taking two years to date someone else while my ex is already banging another girl :mad: *feels sorry for the mini rant* OP, my advice is to take some time off maybe a couple of months off... Good luck and I'm happy to hear you ended a bad relationship! Kudos to you!! 2
pyramid Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 If the new person is worth more than a rebound, then there is no harm in waiting.
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