sportzhl24 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I still find myself wanting to contact my ex. She broke up with me 4 months ago and after I tried to talk to her about it a week afterwards, she blew me off and we've been NC ever since. But I find myself wanting to text her. I keep worrying that shes waiting for me to contact her. Like if I told her how badly I've wanted her back, she would say "why didn't you contact me sooner?" or something. Please tell me this is a terrible idea. I really need to be reassured that contacting her is out of the question. But I just dont understand why we can't be together when I want her back so badly. Life is short and I want her in my life. But it seems so lost............
organizedchaos Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I still find myself wanting to contact my ex. She broke up with me 4 months ago and after I tried to talk to her about it a week afterwards, she blew me off and we've been NC ever since. But I find myself wanting to text her. I keep worrying that shes waiting for me to contact her. Like if I told her how badly I've wanted her back, she would say "why didn't you contact me sooner?" or something. Please tell me this is a terrible idea. I really need to be reassured that contacting her is out of the question. But I just dont understand why we can't be together when I want her back so badly. Life is short and I want her in my life. But it seems so lost............ She broke up with you. She should be making the first move and tell you she wants YOU back. If she hasn't, then she hasn't changed her mind. 3
ponchsox Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Whatever her reaction is, it's going to set you back all over again. She will ignore you and you will feel bad. She might say something like "hey" and you expected more She might tell you to stop contacting her and you will be angry In the small chance she does reach out to you, it's not for the reasons you think. I don't see a good scenario for you. Stay strong and NC. 3
Zahara Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I still find myself wanting to contact my ex. She broke up with me 4 months ago and after I tried to talk to her about it a week afterwards, she blew me off and we've been NC ever since. But I find myself wanting to text her. I keep worrying that shes waiting for me to contact her. Like if I told her how badly I've wanted her back, she would say "why didn't you contact me sooner?" or something. Please tell me this is a terrible idea. I really need to be reassured that contacting her is out of the question. But I just dont understand why we can't be together when I want her back so badly. Life is short and I want her in my life. But it seems so lost............ So funny how we come up with unthinkable reasons to break contact. You're worrying that she's waiting for you to contact her? I think when she BLEW YOU OFF, it was her response to you to leave her alone. Leave it at that. You can't understand why you both can't be together? Her feelings have changed for you and it does happen. You can't force someone to be with you just because YOU believe it would be the best thing for you both. 1
Author sportzhl24 Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 I know what you all are saying. It makes sense when I'm in the right mind but most of the time I'm just so drawn to her. I compare every girl I meet to her. Anytime I hear breathing or sighing I think of her in bed. There was never any closure to our break up so its just hard to make sense of it all
Zahara Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I know what you all are saying. It makes sense when I'm in the right mind but most of the time I'm just so drawn to her. I compare every girl I meet to her. Anytime I hear breathing or sighing I think of her in bed. There was never any closure to our break up so its just hard to make sense of it all Comparing every woman/man to an ex is normal when you are trying to get over a break-up. It just takes time and that means going through the pain of NC. There was closure to the break-up. She ended the relationship. That's your closure. You don't need reasons except for the fact that she doesn't want to be invested in the relationship anymore. 2
Softie Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Closure comes from yourself, not any answers that they provide, you just have to accept that it is over in its current form. Hard I know. Once you get to this point though the yearning to contact and the head whizzing around lessens a hell of a lot. 1
Fangorn Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Dude, hard as it is to hear if she wants you back, she'll contact you. You said yourself life is too short, so why waste it waiting around for this person? In the very least hold on to your dignity and self respect. Breaking NC will only ruin that and you'll be right back to square one. It'll take time but you'll get through it buddy. 2
EuTuBrute Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 (edited) Hey man Im in the same boat as you...2.5 years with the love of my life. She dumped me like yesterdays trash. I want to contact her and i think about her everyday. It hurts bad... I also compare very girl to her too, it sucks. But like everyone says on here, she is got to realize what she has lost. Anything you say wont make her want to come back, she has to feel it, its the nature of the beast. Unfortunately the time it takes for her to do that will be when you don't care, typically when you found someone else or she experiences a heart break and realizes the pain she put you through. What is even worse for me is that i thought recently she was turning the corner with me. She wanted to get coffee with me and then blew me off. It f*ucking sucks!! It really did set me back to square one. So what im trying to say is getting in contact with someone that doesn't want to be with you will only make you feel worse. It sucks. Giving your heart to someone that can easily rip it out with no remorse... It a pain that i don't even wish to give to my greatest enemy Edited December 16, 2013 by EuTuBrute
Author sportzhl24 Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 Hey man Im in the same boat as you...2.5 years with the love of my life. She dumped me like yesterdays trash. I want to contact her and i think about her everyday. It hurts bad... I also compare very girl to her too, it sucks. But like everyone says on here, she is got to realize what she has lost. Anything you say wont make her want to come back, she has to feel it, its the nature of the beast. Unfortunately the time it takes for her to do that will be when you don't care, typically when you found someone else or she experiences a heart break and realizes the pain she put you through. What is even worse for me is that i thought recently she was turning the corner with me. She wanted to get coffee with me and then blew me off. It f*ucking sucks!! It really did set me back to square one. So what im trying to say is getting in contact with someone that doesn't want to be with you will only make you feel worse. It sucks. Giving your heart to someone that can easily rip it out with no remorse... It a pain that i don't even wish to give to my greatest enemy Wow sorry she just bailed on you like that. I felt the same way, like trash. Easily disposable. And now shes gone. It's just a complicated/confusing situation because in a way I made the relationship seem like it was all about sex. When it wasn't at all. So in a way I dont blame her for leaving but I just feel like we separated for the wrong reasons. Like if it had been a different time in our lives, we could have been happy and with each other for a long time. Its all so very disillusioning
Simon Phoenix Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 It's an unbelievably horrible idea. 1
Author sportzhl24 Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 I just cant help but feel I didn't fight hard enough to keep her.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I just cant help but feel I didn't fight hard enough to keep her. Yeah, that's not correct.
Author sportzhl24 Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 yeah. it's sad but you're right. thanks 3
organizedchaos Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Why? She dumped you. You fight for a relationship in the relationship. If someone wants to leave, you let them. "Ok. No problems. Have a nice life." You don't have to fight for them, because they aren't fighting for you. Stop making so much sense! 2
Kermit76 Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Wish I could find my old posts but I was in your scenario and did contact my ex after 2 months of NC from a 2 year relationship and it set me back. Trust me dont do it. Our text conversation was insulting, she didnt ask one question about me. She was cold and uncompassionate. I know you think your situation is different. Your asking the what ifs but everyone is right on here. If she wants you back shs will contact you. If she can't reach you she will move mountains to find you. Its hard to except this reality and I have to admit maybe me breaking contact has helped me because now im not wondering anymore. I have no choice but to move on. So you will do what you want regardless of our advice. But prepared to be set back because odds are your not going to get the answers you desire. 1
headinthecloud Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Your feeling of wanting to contact her comes from the fact you haven't fully accepted the BU. You're still holding onto hope which is preventing you from moving on. Part of you is wondering,"does she think of me and miss me?"...the answer to that is "No". Sure, she might have a moment where a place or a song reminds her of you but if she missed you she would begging to get back together. You have to accept that she no longer loves you and does not want you to be part of her life. Even if she asked to be friends, that's just a way to ease guilt. Let go of the hope of what could have been and instead look at the hard truth, the evidence. The person you loved is gone. The person you now long to be with is not the person you fell in love with. The person you fell in love with would never have abandoned you. So what do you do now? You let go of these imaginings and start focussing all that energy on you. You get up, dust yourself off, look in the mirror and remind yourself that you are wonderful and deserve to be happy. You are loveable and no one can define your loveableness. There's a girl out there who's waiting for you, so get out there and find her! 1
lucy5 Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 No contacts, period. Don't torture yourself. I had a boyfriend, we were together for 1 year. Final month of our relationship was really stressful, we fought a lot but we had so much side problems that I thought we will go through it once everything calms down a bit. I traveled to visite my familly for holidays, we agreed that we both need few days to calm down and I honestly thought all will be fine. On very Christmas day he sent me polite yet very cold text message via mobile phone that he want to break up with me. I was shocked, for thefact that he is doing it in that way. I was trying to get him to talk to me over the phone or over a coffe, not so that I can reassure him (I accepted our breaking up) but to handle it like two adults, in four eyes. He simply didn't want it. I was consumed in thaughts why he had to did it in that way and I was just torturing myself. Though I sent him very short, calm e-mail explaining him I would respect that he meet me, just that I can move on with clear heart, he refused me. I needed that closure! I realised there is no point and that I will just drive myself nuts, the only way was to accept that it is over and that, yes, he did it in exactly that way and that he doesn't want to talk to me or see me. Accept, move on, the sooner the better. Take care! 1
Zoe Lilith Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 I just cant help but feel I didn't fight hard enough to keep her. No matter what you did or didn't do, she decided that she doesn't want you in her life anymore. You know that. You know that it would be a bad idea to contact her and I hope you won't do it. I think that it's this time of the year playing a big role in this. It will pass. Stay strong and continue with NC.
Author sportzhl24 Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 Your feeling of wanting to contact her comes from the fact you haven't fully accepted the BU. You're still holding onto hope which is preventing you from moving on. Part of you is wondering,"does she think of me and miss me?"...the answer to that is "No". Sure, she might have a moment where a place or a song reminds her of you but if she missed you she would begging to get back together. You have to accept that she no longer loves you and does not want you to be part of her life. Even if she asked to be friends, that's just a way to ease guilt. Let go of the hope of what could have been and instead look at the hard truth, the evidence. The person you loved is gone. The person you now long to be with is not the person you fell in love with. The person you fell in love with would never have abandoned you. So what do you do now? You let go of these imaginings and start focussing all that energy on you. You get up, dust yourself off, look in the mirror and remind yourself that you are wonderful and deserve to be happy. You are loveable and no one can define your loveableness. There's a girl out there who's waiting for you, so get out there and find her! It's so hard to accept that somebody is gone forever. I don't understand why I can't be in her life anymore. It is so heartbreaking. I often feel like she should be home when I get there. Or that I should be on my way to picking her up. I know NC in best. I don't think I'll ever contact her based on the advice all of you have given. But that doesn't mean I'll ever understand any of this. All this pain feels so unnecessary. Like some stupid game
Author sportzhl24 Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 Some stupid game where the rules are, if you have relationship trouble then you need to cut each other off permanently, till the end of time. NC, no talking, no seeing each other, forever and ever. How is this possible? How can you just not want to see somebody again?
Zoe Lilith Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Some stupid game where the rules are, if you have relationship trouble then you need to cut each other off permanently, till the end of time. NC, no talking, no seeing each other, forever and ever. How is this possible? How can you just not want to see somebody again? I guess somewhere down the line, we either relize that it is the reality, or we simply get sick of hoping that they will contact us. We get tired of thinking about them, we get sick and tired wasting the time and energy on someone who dumped us! ..One day, you'll forget all about them, they'll be simply "gone"....
Saurren Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 I just cant help but feel I didn't fight hard enough to keep her. I disagree with you here buddy. All the begging and pleading in the world wouldn't change their mind. 2
Author sportzhl24 Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 I guess somewhere down the line, we either relize that it is the reality, or we simply get sick of hoping that they will contact us. We get tired of thinking about them, we get sick and tired wasting the time and energy on someone who dumped us! ..One day, you'll forget all about them, they'll be simply "gone".... You are right, I am sick and tired of suffering. She doesn't give a **** about me. But regardless I can't stop caring about her. Or thinking about her. I just want to wake up when this is all over. This stupid ****ing pain........................
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