Cinnimon Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 So here go's. I met a guy online through a dating site. Just so happens we actually knew each other from school many years ago. We talked via the site for a few weeks and then started speaking by phone and set up a date. Went on the date, went to a Chinese place where they cook the food in front of you. There were 3 other couples at the table that were very nice and fun and they kept buying Saki shots for everyone. My date had also bought wine for us. Okay so we ended up drinking A LOT, not my norm so I ended up completely lit very quick. We were having so much fun that I didn't realize how intoxicated I was until it was to late. After dinner we went to his house and well we had sex. I don't really remember it to well but I do know we did. I woke up in bed with him and quickly thought wth did I just do?!?! Anyway, he took me home a few hours after we awoke and had some coffee and aspirins. After I got home and told him thank you for dinner, that I had a great time and wished him a good day. He never responded back until 6 hours later. He called and asked me how I was and told me he had spent the day sleeping it off, and was now out running errands and asked if he could call me later in the evening before he went to bed. I told him yes, that would be fine. He never called. I'm hoping our drunken sex night didn't ruin this as I really do like him. I don't normally sleep with a guy on the first date nor get so intoxicated that I can't even remember anything. I really am disgusted with myself. I don't even know if I should pursue this or let it go. Anyone ever had this happen? Advice ??
d0nnivain Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Try to forgive yourself. It sounds like he is a nice guy. He called to check up on you; that's something. It's also not like you just met the guy; you had known him from school. Play it cool. Don't discuss it. Just go with the flow moving forward. 1
Author Cinnimon Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 Try to forgive yourself. It sounds like he is a nice guy. He called to check up on you; that's something. It's also not like you just met the guy; you had known him from school. Play it cool. Don't discuss it. Just go with the flow moving forward. Thank you, I just can't help wondering of he thinks I'm that type... I'm really not but unfortunately I can't go back and change it now.
Zahara Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I make it a rule to never drink on the first few dates. And even after that, I keep it strictly to at least one or two and that's it. I'm conscious about it and make it a boundary that I must and want to stick to. If you can't handle alcohol, have a limit. Try to set a standard/limit for yourself so that you can stay out of such situations and have better control. Maybe he never called because he was feeling lousy himself and just went to bed. Who knows? The bad part is that he could possibly wonder if this is how you behave with all your dates. That sets a negative impression. Boo for us women because it's unfortunate that in this day and age we get labeled when we sleep with a guy too soon, and being pissed drunk doesn't help either. You can send out a feeler and see what happens. If he responds positively, then there is hope to getting this off the ground. Maybe a quick text to see how his day is going? Don't mention what happened at the date, just move forward with this. Be casual. 2
Author Cinnimon Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 I make it a rule to never drink on the first few dates. And even after that, I keep it strictly to at least one or two and that's it. I'm conscious about it and make it a boundary that I must and want to stick to. If you can't handle alcohol, have a limit. Try to set a standard/limit for yourself so that you can stay out of such situations and have better control. Maybe he never called because he was feeling lousy himself and just went to bed. Who knows? The bad part is that he could possibly wonder if this is how you behave with all your dates. That sets a negative impression. Boo for us women because it's unfortunate that in this day and age we get labeled when we sleep with a guy too soon, and being pissed drunk doesn't help either. You can send out a feeler and see what happens. If he responds positively, then there is hope to getting this off the ground. Maybe a quick text to see how his day is going? Don't mention what happened at the date, just move forward with this. Be casual. Thank you, I usually don't drink on dates, I don't really have an excuse for my actions, I just got caught up in the moment with everyone else taking the Saki shots... The rest of it I REALLY have no excuse for, I can't even remember how or who initiated the sex, not that it matters anymore. Geez, I just wish I could turn back time.
Zahara Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Thank you, I usually don't drink on dates, I don't really have an excuse for my actions, I just got caught up in the moment with everyone else taking the Saki shots... The rest of it I REALLY have no excuse for, I can't even remember how or who initiated the sex, not that it matters anymore. Geez, I just wish I could turn back time. Don't beat yourself up. I can understand how you got caught in the moment. Those saki shots can feel like nothing in the beginning and then suddenly it hits you hard. I'm bad with alcohol so I know how a lightweight can easily get into these situations. It wouldn't be a bad thing if you reached out to him. I think the sooner you get that out of the way, the sooner you put this behind you, whatever his response.
mammasita Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Whether we are or aren't that type (I'm not judging, I've done it too) - no matter what you say, he thinks you are. "I'm not that type" "I never do this type of thing". Seriously though? What would you think if you were a man? If he calls, good for you. If not, lesson learned. 5
MrCastle Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I wouldn't exactly call this dude a "nice guy" since he knowingly slept with you in your inebriated state. A "nice guy" probably lets you sleep it off and wouldn't bang someone who was clearly under the influence. But I digress. It is what it is at this point. You'll know in a short amount of time whether this guy respects you, whether he sees you as a booty call, etc. I know you're an adult and as such, are responsible for your person -- but sometimes we need someone there to help us when we take things too far. The fact that you woke up in his bed not knowing how you got there tells me you were heavily compromised and he probably realized it. That doesn't sit well with me. 10
Author Cinnimon Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 Don't beat yourself up. I can understand how you got caught in the moment. Those saki shots can feel like nothing in the beginning and then suddenly it hits you hard. I'm bad with alcohol so I know how a lightweight can easily get into these situations. It wouldn't be a bad thing if you reached out to him. I think the sooner you get that out of the way, the sooner you put this behind you, whatever his response. We normally chat in the evenings around 6 pm, have been doing this for a while. If I don't here from him by this evening I'm just going to let it go , as bad as it sounds, I kind of feel like he should understand why things happened as they did?? What do you think?
MalachiX Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Your attitude is all wrong. Any guy who judges you for sex he particapates in is a d-bag and you shouldn't have anything to do with him. You got drunk which may not have been the best idea but so what? That's not the end of the world. Feeling terrible about yourself isn't attractive and won't help you make good choices in relationships. Stop worry about sleeping with him so soon and just treat this like any other relationship. You don't want to scare him off by making him think you have self-esteem issues. If he is a nice guy then he won't judge you. If he isn't then you've lost nothing but another d-bag. 4
Zahara Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 We normally chat in the evenings around 6 pm, have been doing this for a while. If I don't here from him by this evening I'm just going to let it go , as bad as it sounds, I kind of feel like he should understand why things happened as they did?? What do you think? If you don't hear from him today, then yes, let it go. Sometimes people aren't that forgiving and it is up to you to create a good first impression rather than hoping that one would expect it just because. He's not responsible nor is it required of him to believe that it was just a one time thing. He hardly knows you to give you the benefit of the doubt. If he's a douchebag, which Mr. Castle made a good point -- a good guy would have let you sleep it off instead of having sex with you. Unless he was also so wasted and both of you went at it. But you can't recall anything that happened. Side note, thank god he didn't hurt you or dump you in an alleyway. I hope he wore a condom because now you have the issue of an STD. I digress, if he took advantage of the situation, then understanding why things happened the way they did would not be of any concern to him. He got what he wanted. 1
d0nnivain Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I agree with Zahara. If you hear from him tonight, great but if you don't you need to let it go. When you do speak / chat / text whatever . . . . do not bring it up. Do not say that you're "not that kind of girl." Just own the behavior & move forward. Be confident in your choice (even if you aren't feeling it). If he brings it up, play it cool. 3
manders_01 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Your attitude is all wrong. Any guy who judges you for sex he particapates in is a d-bag and you shouldn't have anything to do with him. You got drunk which may not have been the best idea but so what? That's not the end of the world. Feeling terrible about yourself isn't attractive and won't help you make good choices in relationships. Stop worry about sleeping with him so soon and just treat this like any other relationship. You don't want to scare him off by making him think you have self-esteem issues. If he is a nice guy then he won't judge you. If he isn't then you've lost nothing but another d-bag. This. So much. He had sex on the first date too. And unless he was as tanked as you were, I agree with the others, not cool to take advantage of you. 1
MalachiX Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 We normally chat in the evenings around 6 pm, have been doing this for a while. If I don't here from him by this evening I'm just going to let it go , as bad as it sounds, I kind of feel like he should understand why things happened as they did?? What do you think? Once again, stop worrying about it. The more insecure you act about what happened the more it's going to give the impression that you guys did something wrong and nobody wants that kind of drama or guilt. As for whether or not he's a nice guy because he slept with you, I agree it depends on how drunk he was. I've only had sex with a really drunk girl once but I was very drunk as well. In fact, she had been the one feeding me shots all night and had been the first person to get physical. Interestingly enough, I was still a bit worried that I'd somehow done something wrong the next morning (our society likes to strip women of any real power so often it's assumed that a woman can never be in control of a one night stand). The funny thing was that it turned out I was the one who was perhaps more open to something beyond sex than she was. My point is that nice guys (and I am one) can still have sex early on (just like nice girls). I think gender expectations tend to be BS and cause a lot of problems in relationships. You two may have just fallen into bed together because you were having fun and kinda drunk. That doesn't make either of you bad people. On the other hand, if he was pushing booze all night, got you drunk for the purposes of sex then pulled away afterwards; that's not what a nice guy does. 1
Author Cinnimon Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 This. So much. He had sex on the first date too. And unless he was as tanked as you were, I agree with the others, not cool to take advantage of you. I don't know how tanked he was, I mean he actually drank more than I did but I am also a lot smaller than he and I am also not normally a drinker. After a certain point everything is a blur. That's part of the problem in not being able to remember much.I still felt intoxicated when I woke up hours later than the last I could remember. Like I said, I don't know who, what or how the sex was initiated.
manders_01 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I don't know how tanked he was, I mean he actually drank more than I did but I am also a lot smaller than he and I am also not normally a drinker. After a certain point everything is a blur. That's part of the problem in not being able to remember much.I still felt intoxicated when I woke up hours later than the last I could remember. Like I said, I don't know who, what or how the sex was initiated. Well then, personally, unless he acknowledged being drunk as well, I would be apt to assume he was sober enough to know what he was doing. I know I'm a distrustful person in general but it'd be hard for me not to keep my guard up in that regard. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I'm sorry, but if he thinks you're "that kind of girl", then what does that make him?! He willingly had sex with you. No? I'd laugh right in his face if he judged me for something he participated in. And I would never speak to him again. I'm with the other posters. You're over-thinking this and being too harsh on yourself. 1
Author Cinnimon Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 I guess I might be overthinking it. I'm just not used to feeling like this. This has NEVER happened before.
MalachiX Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 I guess I might be overthinking it. I'm just not used to feeling like this. This has NEVER happened before. Congrats. You're human. You now have a story of how you got drunk one time and had sex on the first date. It happens to most people at one point or another. 2
Targetlock Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 everyone makes silly mistakes, its how we live and learn. don't kick yourself too much over this, it happens. And in my opinion, i agree with the others if the guy wasn't drunk and is acting judgmental of the situation then he just isn't worth your time or the trouble. 1
ktya Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 I'm hoping our drunken sex night didn't ruin this as I really do like him.... Anyone ever had this happen? Advice ?? The guy probably fell asleep due to the hangover and didnt get around to calling you. I can say I really doubt you scared him off by getting drunk with him and having crazy drunken sex. He probably thought that it was one rocking date and is maybe more scared that maybe he scared you off. Call him, dont mention it and say you had a mind blowing night, say wow, you've never done that before and act all excited to see him again. 1
Author Cinnimon Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 So he text me around 4 pm and said "call you later". I responded with a simple "okay talk to you in a bit".If he doesn't call tonight, I am going to delete him from my life completely.........Right? Wrong?
Under The Radar Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 So he text me around 4 pm and said "call you later". I responded with a simple "okay talk to you in a bit".If he doesn't call tonight, I am going to delete him from my life completely.........Right? Wrong? Right (10 Characters)
Zahara Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 So he text me around 4 pm and said "call you later". I responded with a simple "okay talk to you in a bit".If he doesn't call tonight, I am going to delete him from my life completely.........Right? Wrong? Yes, you are right.
Leigh 87 Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Sigh. Getting drunk and sleeping with a guy the first date will make some guys lose respect for you. However, other couples have sex upon the first time they meet and end up staying together, too. IF a guy realllllllly likes a girl, they wont necessarily bail after first date sex. I recently had sex on date 2, a week after date one and regular daily contact; he didn't bail and thinks early sex is fine. My good friend has a guy who is CRAZY for her, and he unfortunately revealed that: if they did have sex on their first meeting, he would have lost a bit if respect for her. They waited about 4 meetings before sleeping together - they met at a club first time, and saw each other on about 4 more occasions before sex occurred. My bf has said he will call before and didn't. That is not a big deal, as long as they text you or maintain regular contact with you and instigate regular, once a week dates.
Recommended Posts