winny Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I have been thinking a lot trying to find out why my dating n relationships have not been very successful in last 3 years. And I have come to the conclusion that it is because I am very patient and forgiving by nature when I like a guy. Am not like that with others, but as soon as I like a guy I am very tolerant with him. Few friends of mine had also pointed this out to me and I am also starting to think that is root of the problem. When I like a guy and the first time they do something that doesn't feel right to me or hurts me a bit, I ignore it (irrespective of whether they apologize or not). I think everyone needs a second chance. I also think OMG this guy has been so sweet n nice to me n treated me so well so why cannot I ignore this one small issue. Why to create a drama/scene around it? Maybe he is upset due to work or studies or family issues or needs space etc etc And that is where it starts. I completely ignore the fact that.. all these are no excuse to treat me badly. And these can be small things like talking rudely to me. Forgetting to return calls more than once and never acknowledging it. I think if I am patient and tolerant and sweet and nice... then the guy will be fine in a few days and it's just a small thing. But in the last 3 times it's never been that way. I never think that if I was having work issues or family issues, do I treat others badly because of that? No, I try my best to never do that. And the other people around me who do such things, I have always felt they are completely screwed up and have no consideration of others' feelings. (I have on rare occasions lost it on friends and spoke to them in hurtful ways when I was upset over something at work/family. But as soon as I realized, I said sorry and tried my best to make it up to them and I am also sometimes so ashamed to face them and I hurt inside for hurting them. These guys however never seem to have that realization if they treated me bad coz of work/family issues. They somehow behave as though they had the right to be rude to me because they had a bad day.) But I give an exception, because of the times when he treated me so good in past. And I also do not think that it could be because they don't care about me or my feelings much. If they did, they would think 100 times before hurting me. But they are not. It means they do not give a damn or are careless. Also I cannot let go of the way I felt when I was with this guy and how happy I was. And I cannot bring myself to think that I may not feel that way ever again if I question him or walk away from him because he didn't treat me right. But if I ignore it, he will come around and things will be fine. But it has never been that way. Yes, it might be a case that the last 3 guys were not that good to begin with and were only displaying themselves as sweet and nice initially and I fell for that. And few days later their true colors came out and I still kept looking at the old picture and ignored the new one. And maybe if they were good guys then my being tolerant or patient wouldn't have been an issue rather an asset. And I have learnt that, while it is very tough to know whether a guy is good or bad by meeting them few times or talking to them... even for a year... it is very much possible to walk away or question them and let them know you won't tolerate such things, when they mistreat you the very first time. If you choose to ignore the very first and smallest possible signal or red flag, you might end up as much more hurt later. I am not a screwed up or crazy person. I have many good friends and a great job and my life is pretty good in every aspect. I am honest and loyal and guys get attracted to me a lot. However, I think I have some amount of self esteem issue or confidence and faith that I do not deserve to be treated this way and there are other guys who can treat me much better if I can walk away from things which are not making me happy or are only promising me happiness in future while in present its not. And am going to work on this from now on. The posts in this forum have been helpful to me.
sportzhl24 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 You are definitely right in saying that you don't deserve to be treated badly. As long as you are a good person and that you respect others, you deserve that respect returned to you. Just be careful not to be too sensitive about others. Human beings are complicated creatures; we all have personality flaws that lead us to make 'mistakes' or do things that others do not approve of. I think it's important to be aware of that in relationships, because nobody is perfect. I'm sorry that your last 3 bf's didn't work out. That is very hard to deal with emotionally and I hope that you're on the road to recovery from it. One day soon you're gonna find a guy that is really really good to you. Just stay true to yourself and things will work out. I hope that helps! 1
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