James stevens Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Hi Kinda new to forums and looking for advice but really at end of my teather and i waana see others opinion. So i started seeing this girl about 2 years ago we have just had our baby. In the pregnancy i moved from my home town to her mums with her. The idea (what i thought) we would stay there for a while until we get money together. How wrong was i My partner and her mum literally do everything together and i kinda get left out. I work from 7am till 6pm when i get in its 4of us all the time we have no time together we have no time just me partner and baby. Her mum. Constantly makes decisions for us. Another example.. My partner is breast feeding and she used a pump and filled a bottle. I have never been able to feed my baby. Her mum took that opportunity away from me fed her! We have spoke and when i bring up moving getting our own place its gone from maybe a year to like 5-6 years. The house is small i have one cubard and thats it. I earn enough to look after us i understand my partner wanting to spend a year sorting out money by 6 years is extreme! The way her mum talks she wants to live with us indefonatly! This is kinda scratching the surface. I am at the end of my patience now and kinda just wanna hit her with either we look to move or im gone. What do you think. Am i being unreasonable? Is it me?
d0nnivain Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 You aren't being unreasonable. I'd start house hunting . . . show the baby's mom some real estate brochures & financial projections.
nescafe1982 Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 I don't think you're being unreasonable. Her mom is way too close for comfort, and it's changed your dynamic with your partner and child. But, as long as you live with the mom, this pattern is not likely to change very much... fact is you're at work, and the three of them get more time together. You can talk to your partner about this, about the anxieties you're having... they are totally understandable, and maybe you and her can come up with a solution. In the medium to longer term, you need to get out of mom's house. Six years is way too long if you can reasonably move in one year. Again, talk to your partner about setting a reasonable timeline and budget. Don't frame it as "getting away from your mom," but rather as "I can't wait to start our life together as a family." And definitely do NOT frame it as an ultimatum (We leave together or I'm gone)... that is way too confrontational. Your partner values her mom and probably has difficulty seeing how undermined you feel. Make this move into your own space about building something new and wonderful together, as a couple. That is an image that will more likely appeal to your partner. Once you're out of mom's house, it will be easier to draw the kind of boundaries you need with the mom. But right now, that's a tall order. 1
todreaminblue Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 as a mum who lives with kids who have kids...the dynamic is difficult...tis hard for me not to interfere in fights between my daughter and her partner ...i become protective as a mum my life becomes intertwined......with theirs ...i lose my own needs...i believe when kids you have, have their own kids...its time to go..or problems arise....from experience i say this.........deb 1
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