sw2020 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Get with girl. Have wonderful time. (she's very smart, funny, good background etc.) Trust issues become apparent after 6 weeks of relationship (I thought would get better with time, perhaps foolishly). I never cheated or did anything to try and make her feel insecure. Not in my nature at all. 90% of the time the relationship was really good. But had lots to deal with (mostly stemming from her trust issues) and even the smallest things seemed a big deal at times. It's like I was always being tested. We have broken up and got back together quite a few times now. There is serious chemistry between us, but she just freaks out and runs as soon as a problem comes up (real or imagined). We reconciled most recently and things were really good. We'd finally started to talk as adults and agreed to work on things together etc. etc. over the year of the relationship, we'd made a lot of progress, slowly, but definite progress. Then I got her pregnant. This brought us REALLY close whilst we dealt with it. She handled it really well. She was adamant she wanted an abortion. My logical side was saying a baby would be insane in this relationship, but part of me really wasn't comfortable with abortion. I told her honestly how I felt and I agreed I would support her whatever her choice was. She went with abortion. I put my feelings aside and did my best to support her. I handled it the best I could, which was pretty good I think. I'm good in a crisis and genuinely worried about her and wanted things to be as easy as possible. She says she's angry with me over it and thinks I could have done more. (I honestly did my best). Day after the abortion she broke up with me. Just saying it won't work. She went out partying the next day. We spoke 5 days later and talked things through and she seemed okay, but the day after that she ended it again. That was about 3.5 weeks ago. We've had minor communication since but it mostly ends in us arguing about something. She's just adamant it's over. She has this way of blaming me. Things I've done, or the way I am that causes her to feel as she does. She actually treats me as though I'm a totally different person to what I am. I'm really genuine. I understand that you can't force these things. I spent the weeks apart just going to the gym, doing lots of exercise and eating really healthily. I was feeling good. I'm okay with not having a relationship with her. I am still really attracted to her and care about her. But I do ABSOLUTELY wish I could talk things through with her. Not even to try and get back together, just to leave in peace. I'm still upset about the abortion and I don't feel like I've had any resolution to a lot of my feelings. I sent her a stupid email this morning when angry (we agreed no contact last Friday and that was fine all weekend). I'm just left massively frustrated by the whole episode and she has literally just blocked everything out and that includes me. Just says she's fine and that the relationship ended because she can't rely on me etc. etc. Writing this down, I clearly only have one option anyway and that's to stick with NC and try get resolution without her. Part of me would like things to work out together in the end, but I'd say I'm just being beyond optimistic. It's hard to ever know where I stand with her. We make up as quickly as we fall out.
Philosoraptor Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Right now she is severely emotionally unbalanced due to the abortion. She's running from her life and there really is nothing you can do right now. She doesn't want your help and she doesn't want you around, so you'd be best off severing ties and focusing on yourself right now. 1
Author sw2020 Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 Thank you for the reply. Cutting ties is the only option I have so guess that's one positive. Just doesn't feel like a proper breakup, but is the only time we've ever actually properly broken up. I do truly care about her. She is now living back at home but hasn't told any of her family about the abortion, just a few friends. I really wish she did tell her family, they'd be really supportive, but I know she won't. She's become best mates with a girl who is single and likes partying who I don't know. A lot of her friends know what I'm like so her version of me won't hold true with them, so I'm guessing she's attached herself to that friend as help to further avoid it all. I'm sure this forum will help. Glad I found it.
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