kat1012 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 It's been 4.5 months since my boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me. He's my first bf. My life's back to normal, I've been meeting new people, got a new hobby and loving it, going out with friends and having fun. I know I don't love him anymore, but from time to time, I thought how I might have screwed up and caused him to break up with me in the end. He broke up because "we are comfortable but it doesnt mean it's gonna go anywhere" and "he's been thinking for a few weeks and I am getting obsessed" I just felt so stupid, embarrassed and cringed at moments that I screwed up. I wasnt happy with him from time to time play with his phone when hanging out together, sometimes for really long, since I am always the one going all the way to his place, but I never said anything. One month before BU, I have lightly mentioned it's better if we spend time together instead of him playing his phone. A few days later on friday, he took out his phone, gave me a look and said to me "well we are not talking", which made me feel like he's deliberately making fun of me. I snapped at him "how old are you? there are bettter thing to do than playing games". Then after dinner I sorta "dragged" him to a bar (I asked him about having a drink on that morning because I had a bad week but instead to telling me if he didnt want to, he asked me if I wanna go to a few places with him to help him get things fixed, which I did) I drunk rambled about my bad week and 1-2 things he did that week that I didnt like. Next day, I apologized by calling him, then through text since I felt really bad, for being offensive and also the drunk rambling, and he replied "so u admit u are a bitch?" on sunday, I decided to talk to him about the phone thing because I realized if I didnt then I might snap again and be angry with him and he didnt know why, which isn't fair to both of us. He is defensive about talking like "we are not talking about sh*t". I told him "maybe just a normal hang out?" and he's like "fine, come ruin my weekend." In the end when I went over, I did "talk" (he was so cold when I got there and made me feel very bad again, and like I need to get it out), I said "I'm not trying to lecture you abt life, but it's just I m making an effort to make this work and I feel it's unappreciated when I come all the way to spend time with you and you are on your phone" and he's pissed and said "you come all the way to tell me this, I said I dun wanna talk and you said you wont. you came over and cried. (yea...I did for a bit :/) you dun need to come, I do wtever I want, this is not fun, maybe you should not date. you ruined my friday and now my weekend." Things went back to normal the next day, he's texting me everyday and initiating hang-outs for 2 weeks, though I did bicker for 1-2 lines while we were texting and he said "you need to relax"/"drama queen". Now I looked back at the stuff I bickered about, I realized they are not that much of a big deal. And the bickering prob further worsen the whole situation since now I look back, I believe he was already rethinking the whole relationship. He did loose his job (that he's been hating for so long) right after that fight, but I now realize things have changed since that "fight" we had. It's not like I still love him. Seeing him or his facebook is fine, they dont trigger me. I've been at the same event with him twice and talked to him a bit and I am totally fine. It's just sometimes at night or when I saw words like "drama queen" "crazy bitch" "supportive", I will be thinking of all the stupid things that I have done, such as the drunk rambling, that time I made us talk but then I cried in front of him (drama queen) which might have caused the break up. And sometimes I will be like "if i havent done this or that, we might still be together" Help?
thompkevin Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Your actions were not ideal, but then again, neither were his. The way he treated you wasn't really great as well. You don't say to a girl who is apologizing for her misbehavior "So you agree you were a bitch" The fact is you probably acted worse than you would have because of his reactions to your actions. You can learn to communicate in a better way because you are thinking about what you did wrong and you are aware of your mistakes. That is all that matters. You made mistakes in the relaitonship, you learn from them and improve yourself. Thinking about your mistakes over and over again is not going to help you in the future. But learning from them will. 1
barky2 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Nothing either one of you two could have done differently would have changed the outcome. You need to come to terms with that. That's step one. You guys are broken up because that's not who you're suppose to be with. Step two is finding it within yourself to let go of the anger and hate that came with the breakup. Once you truly complete those two steps, hindsight will be 20/20 and everything will be easier to let go. Barky
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