ThatMan Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Good for you JHparkes. It takes strength to stand up for yourself and try to make things better. We're all really proud of you.
Author JHparkes Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 Good for you JHparkes. It takes strength to stand up for yourself and try to make things better. We're all really proud of you. Thank you, ThatMan. It's quite scary to think i'm going to be embarrasing myself all over again (I have had uncomfortable experiences as I have found the therapist I have seen before have not really understood my problem)
Els Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 There is nothing wrong with wanting to know about his past, but you are certainly taking it to an unhealthy extreme. As someone else said, his past made him who he is today - the man who loves you and whom you love. Those women are also the 'past' for a reason. He is freely choosing to be with you, not them. Let your jealousy go before you turn this R into a self-fulfilling prophecy of doom. Seek help if you cannot do it yourself.
ThatMan Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Thank you, ThatMan. It's quite scary to think i'm going to be embarrasing myself all over again (I have had uncomfortable experiences as I have found the therapist I have seen before have not really understood my problem) If someboby doesn't understand then they cannot help. When this occurs you should speak with a different therapist. I promise you though, you won't embarrass yourself. What you describe is painful. You will be speaking with a professional who only wants to help. You'll be in a judgement-free environment.
Shepp Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 I do understand that. Its just my overwhelming need to be the "most" anything - special, loved, etc. I just want to be somehow more important and significant than any of them have been. It's so hard for me to explain. I get it, I do! I'm claustrophobic, its hard to explain that to people who aren't - how can you be brave enough to take your mtb full speed down a near vertical mountain but have nightmares about lifts, right? But I do! I'm a firefighter now - probably one of the most claustrophobic jobs you can find. When I was young there was hype i'd make pro as a footballer and my fall back plan was to be in the army, but after my brother had a house fire it made my claustrophobia about 100x worse and it also made me want to be a fireman. I wanted it so bad, I wanted it enough to deal with everything in my head. Doesn't mean I don't feel it, but I know that I can override it enough to do my job. You have to find a way to override your fears enough to hold your relationship. - The definition of bravery is putting yourself in a position that makes you afraid and being the only one who knows how scared you are.
FitChick Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 I do understand that. Its just my overwhelming need to be the "most" anything - special, loved, etc. I just want to be somehow more important and significant than any of them have been. It's so hard for me to explain. What was your relationship with your father? Did he leave? Your man sounds more stable and emotionally healthy than you are. His relationship lasts longer than yours and he is capable of love many times which shows he doesn't lump all women into the same category. I will send you a PM for therapy that works quickly.
Eivuwan Posted December 17, 2013 Posted December 17, 2013 Your behavior and ruminations are clearly distressing to you, but it seems the core issue is a lack of self-esteem/confidence. That seems to be why you need to feel more important than others in order to compensate for your lack of self-acceptance. Perhaps every time you think of something negative, you should remain yourself of your positive qualities. This could be something to talk about in therapy.
Author JHparkes Posted December 18, 2013 Author Posted December 18, 2013 What was your relationship with your father? Did he leave? Your man sounds more stable and emotionally healthy than you are. His relationship lasts longer than yours and he is capable of love many times which shows he doesn't lump all women into the same category. I will send you a PM for therapy that works quickly. My father left my mum when I was 2 for a much younger woman. He was a (still is) very selfish man, who saw us very infrequently and never took us anywhere. The woman he ran off with hated us with a passion and made life hell when we stayed over.
Recommended Posts