ThatMan Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Okay. So asking for input doesn't come easy for me but I'm open to suggestions. I've ended a relationship several months ago. I'm glad to be out of my Ex's life and I feel nothing but happiness after going our separate ways. I generally feel happy from day to day. But my Ex continues to do certain things that bother me. She gaslights me. My Ex told horrific lies to everybody I've ever known in the area. Now I've begun receiving flak from past acquaintances while in public. I randomly encounter at least one person who thinks lowly of me on several occasions each week. I have thick skin but it still ruins my day and sets me back into grief. It wasn't just my relationship with my Ex that ended. My entire social circle is now gone and I still grieve that loss whenever it's rubbed in my face. I miss having a life. I find myself starting to become terrified to be out in public in the local area. I drive an hour or more whenever I want a night out because I can't handle this anymore. Short of moving to another state, which I fully plan on, is there really anything at all that I may do for myself?
Philosoraptor Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 "Every story has two sides and people often skew them to make themselves look better. You know me as a person and it is up to you to decide whether or not you believe these fallacies are true." That's what you need to tell people, in a mature and calm manner... don't let yourself fight with her through someone else. If they choose to believe such lies then they aren't the kind of people you want in your life anyways. 2
Author ThatMan Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 My real friends from highschool and college are still around. If it wasn't for them I wouldn't know what to do. They mostly live roughly several hundred miles away, so... I know that I have to create new friends but it's hard when on the move. "Every story has two sides and people often skew them to make themselves look better. You know me as a person and it is up to you to decide whether or not you believe these fallacies are true." That's what you need to tell people, in a mature and calm manner... don't let yourself fight with her through someone else. If they choose to believe such lies then they aren't the kind of people you want in your life anyways. Thank you for the thoughtful suggestion. I've taken for granted just how well my local friends knew me. These are people who I would spend time with in various social gatherings and maybe enjoy a friendly conversation together. I'm new to the area and I've only known them a year or two. They don't know me very well, and quite frankly, don't care to. They would never feel interested in even hearing those two sentences above. So they aren't my friends. But they allow my Ex to continue tearing me down through them. She's using them to get back at me. I have thick skin but I'm deeply troubled whenever somebody feels the need to ruin my day all because of how my Ex would gaslight me.
TaraMaiden Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Get a lawyer/solicitor to write to her regarding slander. It's a recognised criminal act, you know. If she wants to behave like this, there are consequences. Stand up for yourself. Running away won't heal the hurt, or stop the problem. 1
Author ThatMan Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 Get a lawyer/solicitor to write to her regarding slander. It's a recognised criminal act, you know. If she wants to behave like this, there are consequences. Stand up for yourself. Running away won't heal the hurt, or stop the problem. Thank you! I've never thought of this before. I believe the situation I walked away from is quite volatile. I have no problem standing up for myself. I do have a problem pursuing litigation against her. She is not above soliciting an acquaintance to murder me, assault me directly, or possibly go through great lengths to file false allegations against me. I would rather that she say mean words to the people in her life and slowly forget about me rather than bring myself to her attention.
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