laelithia Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Hi Everyone, I'm new here and this is my first post so please bare with me So here we go. I started "dating" this guy I met online in the middle of September. We hit it off really well, and both commented early on how it easy it was to hang out and talk to one another. We both had similar situations (both fresh out of 6 year relationships) and neither of us were ready for anything serious. That being said, as time went on I felt like I was getting more attached and he seemed unwilling to take the relationship to the next level. Around late October I decided to reactivate my online dating profile as I felt like things were going nowhere with him, regardless of how much we seemed to love to be around each other. Clearly I had misunderstood his intentions though, as his friend told him about my online profile and after a 2 hour tearful text conversation (he refused to answer my calls) we decided we would just be friends. Fast forward to now, we are "just friends" but do everything a couple does. He even asked me to be his roommate in his new place but I declined which now I regret as it was a really nice place and we get along so well, but what can you do. Anyway, I began to notice different things about him that made me think he might want to change our friendship status. He started cuddling me again when we were together, holding my hand in public, and kissing me every time I came over or left. We have also remained intimate since we started dating. We had before labelled the relationship as FWB, but it was clear that wasn't really true as we did things mostly that couples do. Sometimes he would ask me to sleepover just to sleep, and he would hold my hand all night and stroke my hair... I'm not an expert on FWB but I don't think that's how it's supposed to work. Anyway, I recently began trying to date someone else as I was clearly developing strong feelings for him and he made it clear that he didn't want a relationship with me. Which was very confusing though because he acted like we were in one. That aside, I decided to make plans with this other guy over the weekend and I think in an effort to make me jealous or get back at me he (the original guy) decided to go on a ski trip with another girl who he's "just friends" with, saying it was ok because she has a boyfriend. I took this as the last straw, and told him if he went, our FWB relationship would be over and we would only be just friends. Long story short, he went, but texted me the entire time saying he regretted it and wished he had spent the weekend with me instead and how sad he was that our relationship was changing. I got upset with this and flat out asked him if he had feelings for me. He said of course he did but that he didn't want a relationship. That made me angry, so I told him this was goodbye. That being said, I miss him and wonder if I should try and make things work as a traditional friendship with boundaries (i.e., no cuddling, kissing, etc.) as it is hard to find people that care about you and I feel he is one of them. Plus I truly enjoy his company and we have so many things in common and shared interests. I don't know, I guess I'm just confused as to what I should do. I know the absence of this relationship will be painful, as we used to spend almost every day together. Any advice as to how I should proceed? Thank you and sorry this is so long!
jonny walker Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I believe relation is all about enjoying each others company.As long as u enjoy each others company u should be in a relationship and the moment u think ur not enjoyin each others company you should broke up thats simple..
clia Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 That being said, I miss him and wonder if I should try and make things work as a traditional friendship with boundaries (i.e., no cuddling, kissing, etc.) as it is hard to find people that care about you and I feel he is one of them. Plus I truly enjoy his company and we have so many things in common and shared interests. I don't know, I guess I'm just confused as to what I should do. I know the absence of this relationship will be painful, as we used to spend almost every day together. Any advice as to how I should proceed? Since you appear to have feelings for him that extend beyond just "being friends" it does you no good whatsoever to try to remain friends with him. He has been very clear that he doesn't want a relationship with you -- he wants to have his cake and eat it, too. In my opinion, remaining friends is only going to hurt you in the long run. You have the right to date other men and to go forth and find a relationship, since this guy doesn't want one. Yet when you try to do that he lays a guilt trip on you. I don't think that will stop. Yes, it will hurt for awhile and it will be strange to not have him in your life, but look at the big picture. You will be treading water with him, and I believe you will have trouble maintaining the "friends" boundaries given your feelings for him. Just move on.
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