Knowing someone's awkward past changes your perception to date them?

[emva07]

I've been friends with the same group of ppl since High School (ended 8 yrs ago), back then we all had our awkwardness....whether that meant being fat, lanky, braces, acne, glasses, weird quirks, bad hair, depression, low self esteem, social awkwardness, nerdyness, shyness, and overall not attractive.

 

Now I feel we are all very attractive looking, stable people....we have all dated outside the circle and done fine.... I guess my question is, is it possible to find love among each other knowing all of this very embarrassing history of each other? I just talked to a guy friend and he said there is no way he'd date "x" female because he knows too much of how awkward she was in the past, to which I answered that I don't think of any of us as the same people that we were 10 years ago, I just don't associate the two anymore.

 

I feel for me, for example, if a guy were to meet me now he'd meet a very attractive, secure, successful woman and know nothing about my dorky, chubby past.

 

An example I can think of is that movie 13 going on 30....the main character is friends with this loser chubby kid and she sees him as nothing more than an annoying friend and ditches him to become popular. Years later when they're 30 they meet again, he is now slim and attractive....they fall in love blah blah blah.

 

There was a gap in the friendship....but I wonder had they stayed friends all along would that have changed things, as 15 years of not seeing him actually changes her view of who he was in the past.

 

Is it best to not try to date someone from the past because in their head you will always be that awkward high schooler with an embarrassing past?

Edited December 16, 2013 by emva07

[polynomial]

After ten years? Nope, that wouldn't be a problem for me.

[Elliotte]

That's seems like a pretty weird reason to not want to date someone 8 years later. You transform so much between high school and your twenties that the two people are hardly recognizable!

[emva07]

well the transformations weren't all 10 years ago....they have been transformations through the years, some as recent as last year.

[polynomial]

well the transformations weren't all 10 years ago....they have been transformations through the years, some as recent as last year.

 

I guess I would give it a shot and get to know the PRESENT person instead of brushing them off right away based on their past.

[emva07]

That's seems like a pretty weird reason to not want to date someone 8 years later. You transform so much between high school and your twenties that the two people are hardly recognizable!

 

I just found it weird that my friend said that about one of the girls, yes she had a very annoying personality long after HS but she is not like that anymore, so for him to say he wouldn't date her bc of this kink from her past was bizarre to me.

 

There's also a guy I'm interested in but I notice a kind of hesitations and I can't help but think "dear Lord, this guy knows all of awkward past, has seen me do some weird crap, and knew me during my ugly duckling phase"....thing is, he was a mess too, and I don't give it two thoughts and his transformation was just last year.

[Elliotte]

I just found it weird that my friend said that about one of the girls, yes she had a very annoying personality long after HS but she is not like that anymore, so for him to say he wouldn't date her bc of this kink from her past was bizarre to me.

 

There's also a guy I'm interested in but I notice a kind of hesitations and I can't help but think "dear Lord, this guy knows all of awkward past, has seen me do some weird crap, and knew me during my ugly duckling phase"....thing is, he was a mess too, and I don't give it two thoughts and his transformation was just last year.

 

This thread immediately made me think of the first high school crush I had. I was the awkward loner, spending most of my time playing video games. But I knew this popular girl because we were on the same swim team. I tried chatting her up over the phone and getting her to go out with me, but she was clearly not interested and it took me too long to take the hint before giving up. The rest of my loner days as a high schooler were barely spent with girls, except for a few dates with women who treated me horribly because I had no standards.

 

A few years back I was single, and looked her up on Facebook. By then I had lost any qualms when it came to dating and felt like I could date a woman like her no problem. But I figured, why bother? I mostly only liked her back then because of her physical attraction, but she had had a **** personality back then, so why would I bother trying a second time now?

 

Weird reversal but as being one of the awkward kids in high school, once I gained confidence in my dating, I didn't care to date any of the girls from my high school that were popular back then!

[emva07]

Weird reversal but as being one of the awkward kids in high school, once I gained confidence in my dating, I didn't care to date any of the girls from my high school that were popular back then!

 

But if that same girl were to run into you somewhere she'd probably think "what a good looking, confident man" without maybe even recognizing you.

Had you guys kept in touch this whole time...her idea of you would probably never change even if you did look 100 times hotter and had the confidence of a lion.

[Elliotte]

But if that same girl were to run into you somewhere she'd probably think "what a good looking, confident man" without maybe even recognizing you.

Had you guys kept in touch this whole time...her idea of you would probably never change even if you did look 100 times hotter and had the confidence of a lion.

 

Yes, although I've noticed quite a few of the popular kids from HS didn't really seem to change much since then. A lot of the popular girls who were partying back then are the ones with tons of those nightclub photos. One popular girl I was acquaintances with back then I added on Facebook and asked her what she was up to since high school responded with "oh...just been around", then told me she was temporarily living with her mom.

 

If high school was great for you as one of the popular, "hottest looking in the school" kids, it seems a lot of them have a hard time moving past those "easy" times whereas if you were not popular, you tend to gain more confidence with a new crowd of like minded folks in college, and are more motivated to make the rest of your life not suck as much as high school.

[MrCastle]

Well, we're constantly in a state of flux. Or at least I hope so. If your life is static after x age -- you have a problem. You should always be growing and changing.

 

At 26, I am extremely different than I was at 17. Not just in looks -- in beliefs, in experiences, in lifestyle, etc. We are always changing. The only things that tend to stick with us are personality traits that we've had since childhood. Other than that, everything else should change.

 

Even 25 year old me is not the same as 26 year old me. I date people who are attractive to me in the here and now. If I knew a girl when she was unattractive and/or awkward -- I wouldn't judge her for it. If I found her attractive right now, in the present, I'd date her. Regardless of her history.

[regine_phalange]

I would easily date them if I found them attractive now, and if I always liked them as a person!

 

People tend to forget very fast anyway...

[todreaminblue]

never would make a difference with me....someones past.....made them who they are today ...people with awkward pasts tend to be able to hold compassion for others who struggle today....because that person struggled yesterday makes them responsive to understand others......receptive......and understanding ....commendable traits...character building......deb

[d0nnivain]

If you have been friendly with them the whole time I don't see the issue. If you weren't so close back then, it might be harder.

 

I was the classic brainy nerd in high school. I didn't really "blossom" until grad school. In my early 20s the cutest boy from junior high hit on me. I couldn't even wrap my head around it. In my 30s several of the football players & other BMOCs from high school hit on me. Their high school behavior had been so bullying & boreish, even assuming they had changed, I couldn't see past who they were to figure out who they had become.