Relationship with student

[nittygritty]

Anonymity and hopefully no one will have a reason to check her phone.

 

Her parents know and they may not really be okay with it at all. They could have just told her that.

[Karen875]

Her parents know and they may not really be okay with it at all. They could have just told her that.

 

That has crossed my mind but wouldn't that be more hurtful to their daughter than just telling her straight up. If all goes wrong Im going back to college.

[nittygritty]

That has crossed my mind but wouldn't that be more hurtful to their daughter than just telling her straight up. If all goes wrong Im going back to college.

 

No because their daughter is the victim and they could be trying to protect her by getting enough information from her to report you. If what you have written is true then you should probably start filling out those college applications.

[Karen875]

No because their daughter is the victim and they could be trying to protect her by getting enough information from her to report you. If what you have written is true then you should probably start filling out those college applications.

 

But is there really anymore information? Everything she's told them is all that's gone on.

[Blade96]

But is there really anymore information? Everything she's told them is all that's gone on.

 

Made me laugh. Tammie Powers went digging for more info on the relationship between her daughter and James Hooker. Even though her daughter said "but i already told her everything!" They got him in the end. And - he was a high school teacher. Just like you.

[nescafe1982]

So, Karen, what grade did you give your paramour this semester? In what subject?

 

 

And if asked by your administrators, can you really prove that your sexual tensions had nothing to do with it?

 

 

I call BS on the parents. If this is a real thread, it's more that likely that the student didn't actually tell them anything. I don't see any parent reacting well to "so I'm sort of seeing my teacher..."

[Karen875]

Made me laugh. Tammie Powers went digging for more info on the relationship between her daughter and James Hooker. Even though her daughter said "but i already told her everything!" They got him in the end. And - he was a high school teacher. Just like you.

 

But that is really is everything, there is nothing else to tell.

[clia]

She called me, I ignored her call and texted her.

 

Me: You can't call me, Im sorry.

Me: Is it important

 

Student: I told my parents...

 

Me: Well what did you tell them?

 

Student: Everything

 

Me: like?

 

Student: Are you mad at me?

 

Me: Of course not, just tell me

 

Student: I told them that we flirted, that I like you and you like me. Umm

oh yeah and that I left school to babysit for you and ........ yeah I basically just talked about that for 30 minutes.

 

Me: Are they mad?

 

Student: They got mad for you asking me to leave school but I told them what happened to your mom and they felt better about it. Other than that they are cool about it but they say I shouldn't do anything while I am a student and not to do anything directly after graduation either.

Student: and they want to meet you after I graduate

 

Me: wow I didn't think they would take it so well

 

Student: They're really chill. Its not like you're 50 and already ****ed me.

 

Me: Don't tell me things like that

 

Student: sorry

 

Me: mhhm... well merry Christmas and I guess I'll see you next year

 

Student: yeah you too bye babe

 

So her parents do pretty much know.

 

I'm in complete shock that you had a text conversation like this with your student. The inappropriateness of this is mindboggling. It's clear that you had crossed the line with her pretty far before, given the casuallness of this conversation, her casual reference to ****ing you, and her use of the word "babe."

 

You really seem to have no clue at all how detrimental this could be to your career. You seem to be like "oh, woopsie, I fell for a student." Oh well, I'll just go back to school if I get fired. Do you not get how much of a blemish this could be on you for the rest of your life? Teachers like you are precisely why a lot of parents are uncomfortable with new teachers (in their early 20s) teaching high school student.

 

I wouldn't at all be surprised if her parents contacted the principal of the school since she allegedly told them "everything."

[Karen875]

So, Karen, what grade did you give your paramour this semester? In what subject?

 

 

And if asked by your administrators, can you really prove that your sexual tensions had nothing to do with it?

 

 

I call BS on the parents. If this is a real thread, it's more that likely that the student didn't actually tell them anything. I don't see any parent reacting well to "so I'm sort of seeing my teacher..."

 

From what she told me her parents know and are okay with it. Maybe that's not the case or maybe it is and we are not seeing eachother. Her mark is rather low compared to her other classes but not its not bad. I don't look at her work differently because of my feelings towards her.

[Blade96]

I know sometimes even mentors who mentor a student who shows a talent sometimes allow things they wouldn't do for a regular student. One day - I don't even know why now , but I totally missed an exam in my Russian Culture class. My Russian language prof who was also teaching those classes, let me do it anyway. No questions asked. Another prof included a question about a Soviet figure on a major mid term exam that I had JUST written a Hugh Jass essay for him about this figure, knowing that for me it was easy marks. I said "Fred, you knew I would get an easy mark for that. " (Yes we called him fred) And he said basically he did that for me. nescafe, being a professor herself, would no doubt know about profs sometimes doing such things.

 

I guess my point is that sometimes profs do these things even when they just mentor and have no attraction to a student. But nescafe is right - if someone asked, how could Karen prove some action of hers like a grade was not based on the rumors about something going on?

 

And karen "if anyone truly thought anything was going on you would be fired" Then why are there rumors if no one truly thinks it? If the rumors are coming from high school students, I would agree. They say anything. But if these rumors are coming from your coworkers, other adult teachers, I wouldn't brush it off if I were you and say if they thought anything was going on..." Teachers are adults. And they don't usually just say anything that pops into their heads.

 

And I too speak from experience - my mother is a teacher! she had taught in junior high, high school and elementary school.

[Eivuwan]

No, it's fake thread because you left out a lot of important details (but you know that). Details like: Thinking about the consequences of what you supposedly put your female student through how how that has effected her interactions with you since she babysat for you. If anything the text from her parents would have come after that babysitting episode since you pulled her out of school to babysit for you. Which would never fly in any school system even in Cananda where you supposedly are. There is NO WAY she would just conveniently text you NOW, to wrap things up nicely and would call you "babe" to wind you up if she's emotionally shattered or angry at you for rebuffing her. Your whole story has flaws and holes in it. I wasted pages of good rants for what I thought was a good cause. Now I realize it was all for nothing. There's just nothing you OP can write that will convince me anything you've said here is true. Nothing.

 

I do hope this thread is fake. Otherwise I am disturbed.

[Karen875]

I know sometimes even mentors who mentor a student who shows a talent sometimes allow things they wouldn't do for a regular student. One day - I don't even know why now , but I totally missed an exam in my Russian Culture class. My Russian language prof who was also teaching those classes, let me do it anyway. No questions asked. Another prof included a question about a Soviet figure on a major mid term exam that I had JUST written a Hugh Jass essay for him about this figure, knowing that for me it was easy marks. I said "Fred, you knew I would get an easy mark for that. " (Yes we called him fred) And he said basically he did that for me. nescafe, being a professor herself, would no doubt know about profs sometimes doing such things.

 

I guess my point is that sometimes profs do these things even when they just mentor and have no attraction to a student. But nescafe is right - if someone asked, how could Karen prove some action of hers like a grade was not based on the rumors about something going on?

 

And karen "if anyone truly thought anything was going on you would be fired" Then why are there rumors if no one truly thinks it? If the rumors are coming from high school students, I would agree. They say anything. But if these rumors are coming from your coworkers, other adult teachers, I wouldn't brush it off if I were you and say if they thought anything was going on..." Teachers are adults. And they don't usually just say anything that pops into their heads.

 

And I too speak from experience - my mother is a teacher! she had taught in junior high, high school and elementary school.

 

The rumours are between the students. My coworkers are aware of them but brush them off.

[Blade96]

Ok this text conversation you posted that last one between you and your student is enough to get you for something. It is NOT academically related, it goes out of the boundaries you are supposed to have, and if you wanted to do the right thing you would have stopped it at "you love my face" and "I love more than just your face". It is PROOF you flirted and had an emotional relation with your student.

[nittygritty]

The rumours are between the students. My coworkers are aware of them but brush them off.

 

That's interesting because the teachers and school administrators at my kids high school always paid attention to rumors from the students. That's how they would know which kids may need to be searched for drugs or other illegal stuff. I would think they would definitely pay attention to a rumor about a lesbian teacher having sex with a female teenage high school student because the school district would be liable if the rumor were true and the parents decided to sue.

Edited December 20, 2013 by nittygritty
typos

[nittygritty]

That's interesting because the teachers and school administrators at my kids high school always paid attention to rumors from the students. That's how they would know which kids may need to be searched for drugs or other illegal stuff. I would think they would definitely pay attention to a rumor about a lesbian teacher having sex with a female teenage high school student because the school district would be liable if the rumor were true and the parents decided to sue.

 

Also, what you are doing as a teacher is extremely bad for the reputation of the High School that you work for. No parent would want to put their child at risk of having a teacher that is rumored to be having sex with a student. Or that has her student check out of school to babysit for her at her house. Teenagers talk. They put everything on Facebook and Twitter.

[Karen875]

That's interesting because the teachers and school administrators at my kids high school always paid attention to rumors from the students. That's how they would know which kids may need to be searched for drugs or other illegal stuff. I would think they would definitely pay attention to a rumor about a lesbian teacher having sex with a female teenage high school student because the school district would be liable if the rumor were true and the parents decided to sue.

 

They warned me beforehand about the students spreading rumours about the younger "more attractive" staff. They said after a year of me working there and I become more established that the rumours would fade. They are blowing the rumours off because they expected it.

[nittygritty]

They warned me beforehand about the students spreading rumours about the younger "more attractive" staff. They said after a year of me working there and I become more established that the rumours would fade. They are blowing the rumours off because they expected it.

 

An ugly teacher could get a vulnerable, lonely and confused teenage student to be attracted to them by giving them extra attention. That is how pedophiles "groom" vulnerable kids. If you are attractive at all, I would think you would not have a problem finding someone that is your own age to date rather than focusing in on one of your teenage high school students. Does being a lesbian single mother somewhat limit your dating pool?

[nittygritty]

They warned me beforehand about the students spreading rumours about the younger "more attractive" staff. They said after a year of me working there and I become more established that the rumours would fade. They are blowing the rumours off because they expected it.

 

Also, if the girl's parents report you to school administrators, those rumors are going to warrant suspicion and the texts and phone calls from you to the student would be enough to get you fired.

[Karen875]

An ugly teacher could get a vulnerable, lonely and confused teenage student to be attracted to them by giving them extra attention. That is how pedophiles "groom" vulnerable kids. If you are attractive at all, I would think you would not have a problem finding someone that is your own age to date rather than focusing in on one of your teenage high school students. Does being a lesbian single mother somewhat limit your dating pool?

 

I don't have a problem with getting girls but I am very picky. Everything about this girl is perfect besides the fact that she is my student.

[Karen875]

Also, if the girl's parents report you to school administrators, those rumors are going to warrant suspicion and the texts and phone calls from you to the student would be enough to get you fired.

 

I know that.

[nittygritty]

I don't have a problem with getting girls but I am very picky. Everything about this girl is perfect besides the fact that she is my student.

 

This is why I recommend that you go get treatment from a mental health professional. A lesbian 23 year old woman that is a high school teacher should be wanting to have a relationship with a "woman" around her own age, not a teenage "girl" that is her high school student.

[Karen875]

This is why I recommend that you go get treatment from a mental health professional. A lesbian 23 year old woman that is a high school teacher should be wanting to have a relationship with a "woman" around her own age, not a teenage "girl" that is her high school student.

 

A 23 year old bring attracted to an 18 year old is perfectly fine. Its the student part of it that is the issue. Also I usually like older women but I just happened to fall for someone younger than me this time, if she wasn't my student then there would be no issue for me.

[Blade96]

A 23 year old bring attracted to an 18 year old is perfectly fine. Its the student part of it that is the issue.

 

Normally no. as as you pointed out, she is your student which makes this a not normal situation.

 

 

I don't think you need to leave her alone forever Karen. I still suggest doing nothing, treat her as your student (a professional teacher/student way), and wait for some time after graduation before starting anything with her. Do not do it immediately after graduation or only a short time after. Wait for some time. If this is meant to be, It will work out. If she doesn't feel the same way about everything anymore, as I said before, You will still have your job, your rep, your LIFE. And that is far more important.

[nescafe1982]

Her mark is rather low compared to her other classes but not its not bad. I don't look at her work differently because of my feelings towards her.

 

You missed the point of my last post. The point was "if asked by your administrators, can you really prove that your sexual tensions had nothing to do with [your student's grade]?"

 

You can say your encounters with said student didn't impact your assessment of her performance until the cows come home. One reason that situations like yours are so tricky and career-killing, however, is not because they color your assessments, but because they color how your school's administration views the viability of your assessments.

 

If you gave the girl an A, it was because of your inappropriate contact with her. If you gave her a C-, perhaps it was to punish her for telling her parents. Doesn't matter if it's true or false... there's simply no way to wash the stink off.

 

And that was the point.

 

Geez. One semester in and already tangled up in rumors and sexual issues with students. You won't last long, OP... not with your attitude.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

I don't think you need to leave her alone forever Karen. I still suggest doing nothing, treat her as your student (a professional teacher/student way), and wait for some time after graduation before starting anything with her. Do not do it immediately after graduation or only a short time after. Wait for some time. If this is meant to be, It will work out. If she doesn't feel the same way about everything anymore, as I said before, You will still have your job, your rep, your LIFE. And that is far more important.

 

 

It should not have taken twelve pages for this obvious conclusion to have been deemed the only sensible one by our OP.

 

 

(one of my then-31yo high school teachers dated a girl who was a year ahead of me, and they are still together decades later (and I swear his hand was in the cookie jar before she was 18)... but of course he was later made to resign from teaching after "an incident" with a different, underage student some 7 to 9 years later)