Jump to content

Relationship with student

Karen875

By Karen875
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Bigcitydreamer Established Member

Bigcitydreamer

Posted
Posted

Responsible= not allowing sexual tension to form between a student or at the very least recognizing the attraction and taking appropriate measures to protect yourself and the student.

 

Responsible= not signing a student out of school to watch your child. Having the means to contact her like that in the first place is weird. I mean how do you have her phone number? It is not normal for high school teachers to have their students cell phone numbers on hand.

 

Its highly unlikely someone is responsible enough to get through a 4 year degree in 4 years with a child regardless of the level of help. Shows like teen mom show that even the brightest teens who have a lot of family support struggle to follow a 4 year degree program.

 

Anyways, your right it doesn't matter what I think. If you are a real person in this real situation I sincerely hope that you seek help in order to figure out why you justify this and get help so that it doesn't happen again. At the rate you are going no parent will be comfortable with you teaching their child because you don't have the necessary boundaries to be a teacher.

  • Author
Karen875 Member

Karen875

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Responsible= not allowing sexual tension to form between a student or at the very least recognizing the attraction and taking appropriate measures to protect yourself and the student.

 

Responsible= not signing a student out of school to watch your child. Having the means to contact her like that in the first place is weird. I mean how do you have her phone number? It is not normal for high school teachers to have their students cell phone numbers on hand.

 

Its highly unlikely someone is responsible enough to get through a 4 year degree in 4 years with a child regardless of the level of help. Shows like teen mom show that even the brightest teens who have a lot of family support struggle to follow a 4 year degree program.

 

Anyways, your right it doesn't matter what I think. If you are a real person in this real situation I sincerely hope that you seek help in order to figure out why you justify this and get help so that it doesn't happen again. At the rate you are going no parent will be comfortable with you teaching their child because you don't have the necessary boundaries to be a teacher.

 

I would of never imagined that I would get that close to a student but some situations and /or people can make you do things that you usually wouldn't do. Unfortunately this situation and this student "tripped me up" I will be professional with this student for the remainder of the year and I don't see an issue with continuing a relationship after a year or two "break"

SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

Posted
Posted
I mean how do you have her phone number? It is not normal for high school teachers to have their students cell phone numbers on hand.

 

 

What if Spicoli had owned a cell phone?

 

 

And what if Mister Hand had known Spicoli's number ??

Trimmer Established Member

Trimmer

Posted
Posted
Are my thoughts moral? No. Are they legal? Yes. Even if the student was under 18, I didn't really do anything.

You've taken a real risk of messing her up in the head. You've already seen her anger and confusion. You caused that. Is it really enough for you to say "but it was legal..."?

 

And I will once again point out a couple huge conflicts of interest that you now have in front of you: You would strongly prefer that she keep quiet and not tell anyone about this, when that puts her in a position of isolation. She would be much better served being able to talk to someone about it, but that would be against your interests.

 

Secondly, if she does actually go to someone for help, you are now relying on them tending to think that she is crazy (because of all those other crazy rumors, right?) Do you know what it does to someone who needs help to have the very foundations of their problem invalidated? To be thought crazy? If she does reach out for help, and someone gives her the impression that she's fantasizing and "it's all in her head", do you know what that does to someone who is struggling? And yet, that's what you need to happen to protect your career.

 

Do you have any problem with any of this - do you have any concern for her well-being? You aren't answering this question when I ask it. Is it really enough for you to think you've acted technically "legally", and "didn't really do anything"?

  • Like 1
  • Author
Karen875 Member

Karen875

Posted
  • Author
Posted
You've taken a real risk of messing her up in the head. You've already seen her anger and confusion. You caused that. Is it really enough for you to say "but it was legal..."?

 

And I will once again point out a couple huge conflicts of interest that you now have in front of you: You would strongly prefer that she keep quiet and not tell anyone about this, when that puts her in a position of isolation. She would be much better served being able to talk to someone about it, but that would be against your interests.

 

Secondly, if she does actually go to someone for help, you are now relying on them tending to think that she is crazy (because of all those other crazy rumors, right?) Do you know what it does to someone who needs help to have the very foundations of their problem invalidated? To be thought crazy? If she does reach out for help, and someone gives her the impression that she's fantasizing and "it's all in her head", do you know what that does to someone who is struggling? And yet, that's what you need to happen to protect your career.

 

Do you have any problem with any of this - do you have any concern for her well-being? You aren't answering this question when I ask it. Is it really enough for you to think you've acted technically "legally", and "didn't really do anything"?

 

Of course I have concern for her which is why I am so conflicted. I really want to there for her but everyone is saying I should break contact with her. I feel as if it's too late to just break it off because she sees me as the only one she can trust. If she ever comes to me and she needs me I will have an incredibly hard time saying no.

Blade96 Established Member

Blade96

Posted
Posted

I didn't see anyone saying you have to leave this girl alone forever. Just yeah wait some years AFTER she graduates. D. Not. Do. It. Soon. After. She. Graduates. If she does not feel the same way then, so be it. That is life and as you said, people change. But you'll still have your job, and your reputation as "crazy Karen" Keep that rep, and not the ephebophile (people will think pedophile even though the correct term is ephebophile) one you will likely have if you ignore us. "Crazy karen" is fun. A ephebophile is not. James Hooker claimed his relationship started when she wasn't his student anymore. But, the rumors and suspicions were that no this started and flirting while she was still his student. They caught him after.

Eivuwan Established Member

Eivuwan

Posted
Posted

I actually think she should leave the student alone forever

  • Like 1
Untouchable_Fire Established Member

Untouchable_Fire

Posted
Posted
I understand where you all are coming from and I would of said the same thing before this but now that I am actually in this situation I can't help but feel unable to NOT have a relationship with her.

 

Can't you wait until she graduates? I mean this is an underage kid we are talking about.

 

This is the place where you decide to be a teacher or a sexual predator. Best of luck choosing.

nescafe1982 Established Member

nescafe1982

Posted
Posted
I would of never imagined that I would get that close to a student but some situations and /or people can make you do things that you usually wouldn't do. Unfortunately this situation and this student "tripped me up" I will be professional with this student for the remainder of the year and I don't see an issue with continuing a relationship after a year or two "break"

 

No honey. If you're in your first semester teaching and you've already "tripped up" with a student this badly, that's your fault.

 

No one stuck their foot out in your path. You went looking for prey, and found it in a socially struggling child. You should be ashamed and repentant, not petulant and defensive.

  • Author
Karen875 Member

Karen875

Posted
  • Author
Posted
No honey. If you're in your first semester teaching and you've already "tripped up" with a student this badly, that's your fault.

 

No one stuck their foot out in your path. You went looking for prey, and found it in a socially struggling child. You should be ashamed and repentant, not petulant and defensive.

 

I wasn't looking for anything, I felt bad for her and wanted to know what was up. I only helped her with homework until she began coming to me about personal things. I told her to speak to her guidance counselor but she didn't want to. It got the point where I told her something very personal about me and we slowly became friends. I couldn't help but like her but I know the flirting and asking her to watch my son was too far and I obviously wasn't thinking. I can't just push her away now as that would cause more harm than good.

writergal Established Member

writergal

Posted
Posted
I wasn't looking for anything, I felt bad for her and wanted to know what was up. I only helped her with homework until she began coming to me about personal things. I told her to speak to her guidance counselor but she didn't want to. It got the point where I told her something very personal about me and we slowly became friends. I couldn't help but like her but I know the flirting and asking her to watch my son was too far and I obviously wasn't thinking. I can't just push her away now as that would cause more harm than good.

 

Denial ain't just a river. Ian Watkins.

  • Like 1
nittygritty Established Member

nittygritty

Posted
Posted
How do you know I wasn't dedicated and responsible? Because of a few posts you read?

In all honesty I wasn't there for my son as much as some young mothers are while in school as my parents took care of him most of the time for his first two years making it a lot easier for me to get into the groove of things when starting out in university. I don't see how these circumstances are unrealistic either, I have seen much crazier these days.

At the end of the day it doesn't matter if you buy it or not, I already figured out what I am going to do in this situation after reading the posts and thinking about it myself.

 

You are still not being "there" for your son or acting like a responsible parent much less a good role model or teacher. Do you not realize the potential emotional harm, confusion and damage you could do to your little boy by having a teenage girl that you are attracted to and that is attracted to you to babysit your son? You really need to seek help from a mental health professional before you cause further harm to anymore kids, including your own.

  • Author
Karen875 Member

Karen875

Posted
  • Author
Posted
You are still not being "there" for your son or acting like a responsible parent much less a good role model or teacher. Do you not realize the potential emotional harm, confusion and damage you could do to your little boy by having a teenage girl that you are attracted to and that is attracted to you to babysit your son? You really need to seek help from a mental health professional before you cause further harm to anymore kids, including your own.

 

I have never been attracted to girls younger than I. This situation is a one off, this girl is different than anyone I have ever met and I feel bad for messing with her feelings but this won't happen with any other student, I know that for sure and my son will not be affected by this.

nittygritty Established Member

nittygritty

Posted
Posted
I have never been attracted to girls younger than I. This situation is a one off, this girl is different than anyone I have ever met and I feel bad for messing with her feelings but this won't happen with any other student, I know that for sure and my son will not be affected by this.

 

You have stated that you are attracted to a teenage girl that is your student and are making plans for yourself to have some kind of relationship with her after she graduates from high school. I'm sure Mary Kay Latourneau felt her student was "different" than anyone she had ever met too. :rolleyes:

 

You have stated that your parents primarily raised your son for the first two years of his life and now you are a lesbian single mother raising him, that is attracted to a female teenage student that you wanted her to check out of high school for a day to come to your house and babysit your son. You have also stated that there are rumors going around the high school that you are already having sex with your student. And you don't think that your son is going to be negatively emotionally harmed by any of this? Like I said before, it would be in your students and your child's best interest if you would go get treatment from a mental health professional.

writergal Established Member

writergal

Posted
Posted
You have stated that you are attracted to a teenage girl that is your student and are making plans for yourself to have some kind of relationship with her after she graduates from high school. I'm sure Mary Kay Latourneau felt her student was "different" than anyone she had ever met too. :rolleyes:

 

You have stated that your parents primarily raised your son for the first two years of his life and now you are a lesbian single mother raising him, that is attracted to a female teenage student that you wanted her to check out of high school for a day to come to your house and babysit your son. You have also stated that there are rumors going around the high school that you are already having sex with your student. And you don't think that your son is going to be negatively emotionally harmed by any of this? Like I said before, it would be in your students and your child's best interest if you would go get treatment from a mental health professional.

 

The OP is in clear denial in her thread and unwilling to acknowledge just how inappropriate her behavior with her young, underage student has been. Do you really think the OP will seek mental health treatment for her attraction to young adults?

 

Her son is a victim already, as are her students. It's pretty clear that the OP has no inclination to end contact with her object of sexual-affection even after the young woman graduates from high school, as she stated in one of her previous posts. She's just going to sit and wait until after graduation to pursue the student for a romantic-sexual relationship.

 

There's no hope for the OP in my opinion. She refuses to change. Another predator in the education system.

writergal Established Member

writergal

Posted
Posted
I have never been attracted to girls younger than I. This situation is a one off, this girl is different than anyone I have ever met and I feel bad for messing with her feelings but this won't happen with any other student, I know that for sure and my son will not be affected by this.

 

I call b.s. on that statement. And I highly doubt this situation as you call it, will only happen once. You feel bad for messing with her feelings? You did more than that. You damaged another human being, a young, underage, emotionally vulnerable CHILD and you feel bad? Oh wow, call the presses! If you don't seek mental health help now, for what you've done, you will continue to wreak havoc on those students' lives whom you find yourself sexually attracted to in the future if you remain in the classroom as an educator.

 

This "one off" is just the beginning of your problems, and you know it but are unwilling to deal with reality. If your student's parents found out what you did, you'd be fired by your school. And you know it! Your refusal to take responsibility for your actions, shows that you are not an emotionally stable adult and the last population you should be around are young adults as a teacher. You son IS affected by this. How you can't see that, well, that's unfortunate.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
My son is sick so I was at home with him when I got the call. I then called the student to ask if she could take care of him while I went to help my mom. She was allowed to leave without anyone else's permission as long as she signs out with the office first.

 

She is still my student and if she needs help with homework then I will help her. I only have her until the end of January anyway. This whole situation is rather frustrating so I am done planning on what to do and I'll just "go with the flow" from now on.

 

It's totally inappropriate to ask any of your students to leave school and do anything for you. Did you also call her parents first and ask them if she could leave school and babysit for you? You should have called an adult to come over and babysit or take your child with you.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Karen875 Member

Karen875

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I call b.s. on that statement. And I highly doubt this situation as you call it, will only happen once. You feel bad for messing with her feelings? You did more than that. You damaged another human being, a young, underage, emotionally vulnerable CHILD and you feel bad? Oh wow, call the presses! If you don't seek mental health help now, for what you've done, you will continue to wreak havoc on those students' lives whom you find yourself sexually attracted to in the future if you remain in the classroom as an educator.

 

This "one off" is just the beginning of your problems, and you know it but are unwilling to deal with reality. If your student's parents found out what you did, you'd be fired by your school. And you know it! Your refusal to take responsibility for your actions, shows that you are not an emotionally stable adult and the last population you should be around are young adults as a teacher. You son IS affected by this. How you can't see that, well, that's unfortunate.

 

I am curious on how different this situation would be to you, if she wasn't my student? I personally wouldn't think that having a relationship with her if wasn't my student would be a problem and I am keeping that in mind for this situation .

writergal Established Member

writergal

Posted
Posted
I am curious on how different this situation would be to you, if she wasn't my student? I personally wouldn't think that having a relationship with her if wasn't my student would be a problem and I am keeping that in mind for this situation .

 

But the situation isn't different. You're her teacher. Your behavior is inappropriate. Period.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Karen875 Member

Karen875

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Surprisingly her parents are "okay" with it.

  • Author
Karen875 Member

Karen875

Posted
  • Author
Posted
But the situation isn't different. You're her teacher. Your behavior is inappropriate. Period.

 

Not nearly as bad as some people are making it out to be.

SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

Posted
Posted
I personally wouldn't think that having a relationship with her if wasn't my student would be a problem

 

 

We get that she is 18, and while perhaps you wouldn't be breaking any laws in banging her... the fact that you are even a teacher in her school puts you on very tender ground with regard to 'position of authority'.

 

Recently, in a couple of states, marijuana was legalized... so by similar logic, it should probably be OK for teachers there to go out in the parking lot across the street and smoke marijuana with the students, even if smoking of any sort is not allowed on school grounds.

 

You really neeeeeeeeeeeeed to put your reputation as a teacher as your number one priority.

 

IF you live 5 years and come to learn that this young woman is the absolute love of your life, well then, it will have been worth the 5 years, and 5 years could even be said to comprise a small price to pay.

 

And we get it... there is probably temptation for a lot of teachers in a lot of class rooms... but they resist... (because of what's right)

SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

Posted
Posted
I would of never imagined that I would get that close to a student but some situations and /or people can make you do things that you usually wouldn't do. Unfortunately this situation and this student "tripped me up" I will be professional with this student for the remainder of the year and I don't see an issue with continuing a relationship after a year or two "break"

 

 

This is a great, and honest post.

 

Plus, it suggests your instincts to remain responsible to the position of a teacher.

writergal Established Member

writergal

Posted
Posted (edited)
This is a great, and honest post.

 

Plus, it suggests your instincts to remain responsible to the position of a teacher.

 

Honest post?! You've got to be kidding me. The OP is putting the blame of her sexual attraction to her student...ON HER STUDENT! If anything, her statement illustrates her lack of self-control and refusal to take responsibility for her own actions.

 

some situations and /or people can make you do things that you usually wouldn't do. Unfortunately this situation and this student "tripped me up"

 

OP, you really need to get a grip on reality. No one, absolutely no one can make you do things that you usually wouldn't do. Only you are responsible for what you choose to do and how you choose to do it. You are 23 years old.

 

And by the way, asking your student to leave school grounds to babysit for you -- is just not possible, and if you tried that at a school here in the states, you wouldn't get away with it. And the student's parents would be notified.

 

Nice try OP, but you get no free passes when you're in the role of an educator who is responsible for creating a safe classroom environment for all students. Your excuse that your student tripped you up is pretty pathetic.

 

The fact that you refuse to take responsibility for your actions as seen in your statement above, is proof that you are not a responsible adult nor should you be allowed to be in charge of young adults.

 

I'm sure you'll find yourself in more compromising situations with students and will just rely on the "this student and this situation made me do it."

Edited by writergal
  • Author
Karen875 Member

Karen875

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Honest post?! You've got to be kidding me. The OP is putting the blame of her sexual attraction to her student...ON HER STUDENT! If anything, her statement illustrates her lack of self-control and refusal to take responsibility for her own actions.

 

 

 

OP, you really need to get a grip on reality. No one, absolutely no one can make you do things that you usually wouldn't do.

 

Nice try OP, but you get no free passes when you're in the role of an educator who is responsible for creating a safe classroom environment for all students.

 

The fact that you refuse to take responsibility for your actions as seen in your statement above, is proof that you are not a responsible adult nor should you be allowed to be in charge of young adults.

 

I'm sure you'll find yourself in more compromising situations with students and will just rely on the "this student and this situation made me do it."

 

It doesn't even matter anymore, I know for sure that there will be no other situations like this, I teach at a school of 4000 and have no attraction to any of the other students. I like this girl a lot and after graduation we'll see what happens.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...