Relationship with student

[Blade96]

Trimmer and Nescafe - you two are absolutely definitely right! What I had was a good strong healthy mentorship and yes it worked for all of us because while in my early to mid 20's at the time, I was pretty mature as were my professors and as you said any personal bond there was between us - there was a little - was secondary and absolutely secondary, to the academics. They mentored me as I showed a love of and a aptitude and achievement of, the Russian language, history, and culture.

 

This situation here with the OP it started out as could have been a mentorship like mine. But then it just went splat. It should be a mentorship too. As the OP is a lesbian - same as the student was learned that she too is a lesbian - any mentorship from Karen could have absolutely been helpful to the teen. As I said Profs can help at times with personal issues in a HEALTHY way.

 

Nescafe - you should feel proud of your fellow profs. Although you don't know my Russian language profs, feel proud that they indeed helped me! And yes professor job is very cool. Especially one of those is when you get to mentor a student and see them grow and thrive under your mentorship.

Edited December 17, 2013 by Blade96

[writergal]

As a teacher, the OP should have directed her gay student to an LGBT group for emotional support. LGBT groups for youth are run by trained counselors, (more trustworthy than the OP too) and provide an environment where young LGBT adults can feel safe and talk to each other about their insecurities or whatever.

[Blade96]

As a teacher, the OP should have directed her gay student to an LGBT group for emotional support. LGBT groups for youth are run by trained counselors, (more trustworthy than the OP too) and provide an environment where young LGBT adults can feel safe and talk to each other about their insecurities or whatever.

 

She could have done that too. As one lesbian to another. To mentor her and help out. She didn't.

 

yeah the difference between the actions of my profs - mentorship - and what is happening here - are pretty clear differences. NOT the same at all.

[writergal]

It was during school hours, all my friends have jobs that they can't leave and she could easily just sign herself out.

 

And THAT childish response is exactly why you should not be a teacher. You're simply not mentally fit to fill the role of an adult educator whose priorities are to put their students learning needs first, and to create a safe classroom environment. You've shown with your posts that you have failed both of those teacher tenets.

 

Why you thought it was appropriate to hire a student to babysit your son -- a student you have emotionally manipulated through sexual flirtation -- shows that you are not mature enough to be around students as an authority figure. Why didn't you just take your son with you to visit your mother? That makes no sense to me that you would leave him behind. I think you purposely asked this student to babysit because you have feelings for her -- very inappropriate feelings of course. Were you hoping to fool around with your student after you returned home from your visit? That would seem like the only reason you would ask her to babysit. And that's a pretty disturbing decision on your part.

 

I cannot believe you are trying to get empathy for your situation here,when you know what you're doing is wrong on both a professional and personal level.

[writergal]

I knew before hand that it would be a bad idea to ask her to watch my son but there was no one else that could come on such short notice. I also knew that it was a bad time to tell her that I wanted to break it off for a while. I didn't want to tell her at that time but I had no choice, if I told her afterwards I would feel as if I prolonged it and I would of left her with false hope over a long period of time. I am unable to sleep as she is continuously texting me and I am trying to explain this to her without hurting her even more. I know that I learned about how to deal with a situation like this but I never thought I would actually end up in this position.

 

Where exactly WAS your son while you were teaching anyway? At daycare, or at home alone? Or was he at school? How old is your son? Your story just doesn't add up. If you were at school teaching and received a call that your mother was in an emergency, why would you ask your student to leave school grounds to go to your house to babysit your son, who presumably is home alone? No student would be allowed to leave their school during class hours anyway. Doesn't add up.

 

And you are texting with your student too?

 

Again, you need to do the right thing and leave your teaching job because if I was your coworker or this girl's mother and I knew what you were doing as her teacher, I'd report you to your school principal and administrator and have you fired. Your actions are that of a child predator. No responsible adult who takes on the role of educator -- even high school -- would consider your behavior appropriate or professional. It's both inappropriate and unprofessional and morally reprehensible. And you're only 23? You are a very selfish, narcissistic person who has no sense of appropriate boundaries and you have the ability to harm other students (and probably will if you continue your teaching career) because of your lack of culpability. It sickens me to think the OP could be a real person doing this.

[Karen875]

My son is sick so I was at home with him when I got the call. I then called the student to ask if she could take care of him while I went to help my mom. She was allowed to leave without anyone else's permission as long as she signs out with the office first.

 

She is still my student and if she needs help with homework then I will help her. I only have her until the end of January anyway. This whole situation is rather frustrating so I am done planning on what to do and I'll just "go with the flow" from now on.

[writergal]

My son is sick so I was at home with him when I got the call. I then called the student to ask if she could take care of him while I went to help my mom. She was allowed to leave without anyone else's permission as long as she signs out with the office first.

 

She is still my student and if she needs help with homework then I will help her. I only have her until the end of January anyway. This whole situation is rather frustrating so I am done planning on what to do and I'll just "go with the flow" from now on.

 

Your son is sick at home alone with no one watching him so you 1) can't ask a neighbor or 2) call up a friend or 3) take him with you? What exactly was the emergency that prevented you from bringing your son with you?

 

You know it was inappropriate to text your student to leave school to be at your beck and call to babysit. I think you are delusional to be honest. You really don't see that your behavior is totally unethical.

Edited December 18, 2013 by writergal

[nescafe1982]

You're "done planning"? Honey, you're in the wrong industry if you can't handle a little planning. And "going with the flow" hasn't exactly worked for you thus far.

 

I am no longer convinced this is a real thread, or that you are who you say you are. Even as broken as our public school system is, there is just no way that you would be able to have done everything you say you've done without being caught and fired. Your inability to see how poor your own judgement is or take responsibility for your own actions makes me doubt very much that you really are a teacher, or that you are telling the whole story here.

Edited December 18, 2013 by nescafe1982

[Trimmer]

If I was this student's parent, I would report you to the school to see that you were fired.

The unfortunate thing is that the student almost certainly is not sharing any of this with her parents - more likely she is scrupulously hiding it and would be deathly embarrassed and humiliated if anyone found out - caring adults or peers - anyone. The consequence of this is that she is likely now further isolated in her confusion as a result of the OP's zig-zagging behaviors.

 

And the really twisted thing is, what is in the objective best interest of the OP in terms of her teaching career (that the student keep this quiet and not tell anyone) is exactly the wrong thing - possibly outright harmful - for the student.

 

This whole situation is rather frustrating...

Karen, you say "frustrating", which is a kind of an angry, self-centered, petulant reaction to things not happening the way you want them to. Do you feel any apprehension - any fear - about the possible outcome for your career? Do you feel any empathy for your student? Do you recognize where her confusion and anger must be coming from? Do you have regret - or maybe even fear for her well-being or emotional safety - related to the confusion and anger that she is now carrying, probably all alone?

 

...I am done planning on what to do and I'll just "go with the flow" from now on.

Oh my - not planning and just going with the flow is exactly what brought you to this place.

Edited December 18, 2013 by Trimmer

[Karen875]

You're "done planning"? Honey, you're in the wrong industry if you can't handle a little planning. And "going with the flow" hasn't exactly worked for you thus far.

 

I am no longer convinced this is a real thread, or that you are who you say you are. Even as broken as our public school system is, there is just no way that you would be able to have done everything you say you've done without being caught and fired. Your inability to see how poor your own judgement is or take responsibility for your own actions makes me doubt very much that you really are a teacher, or that you are telling the whole story here.

 

It's not difficult to not get caught. Due to my age and my looks there have been plenty of crazy rumours about me, and the staff never takes them seriously because it happens to teachers that the students may be attracted to. The rumours from beforehand probably saved me in this case since all the rumours from before were fake, everyone assumes that this is 100% fake aswell.

 

I will only speak to the student for homework and I will contact her every now and again after graduation to see how she is doing, like I plan to do with a few other students. Whatever happens afterwards happens.

[MidwestUSA]

It's not difficult to not get caught. Due to my age and my looks there have been plenty of crazy rumours about me, and the staff never takes them seriously because it happens to teachers that the students may be attracted to. The rumours from beforehand probably saved me in this case since all the rumours from before were fake, everyone assumes that this is 100% fake aswell.

 

I will only speak to the student for homework and I will contact her every now and again after graduation to see how she is doing, like I plan to do with a few other students. Whatever happens afterwards happens.

 

'Whatever happens happens'. Yea, go with that.

 

 

Seriously, you're new to your profession and have built up a reputation that makes people say 'yea, it's just crazy Karen'. You sound proud of it. Sickening.

[writergal]

It's not difficult to not get caught. Due to my age and my looks there have been plenty of crazy rumours about me, and the staff never takes them seriously because it happens to teachers that the students may be attracted to. The rumours from beforehand probably saved me in this case since all the rumours from before were fake, everyone assumes that this is 100% fake aswell.

 

I will only speak to the student for homework and I will contact her every now and again after graduation to see how she is doing, like I plan to do with a few other students. Whatever happens afterwards happens.

 

Seriously, what is wrong with you?! You have absolutely no culpability, no shame, no sense of duty in your role as a new educator. This won't be the last student whose life you mess with, just to meet your own personal needs. You've learned NOTHING from this thread. I feel sorry for your students.

[Karen875]

Seriously, what is wrong with you?! You have absolutely no culpability, no shame, no sense of duty in your role as a new educator. This won't be the last student whose life you mess with, just to meet your own personal needs. You've learned NOTHING from this thread. I feel sorry for your students.

 

If our feelings for eachother last a year or two down the line then I'll take advantage of the fact that I met someone I truly care about. The chances of both of us still having feelings for eachother that far down the line is very rare, I do expect her to meet someone while in university and I don't necessarily plan on being with her but if I continue on liking or even loving this girl years later then I will act on it. Again I HIGHLY doubt that I will still have any feelings for her or her for me that far from now.

[crederer]

I have a hard time believing this is even real. Reported thread to police in case it is. Just kidding. Or am I?

[Eivuwan]

If our feelings for eachother last a year or two down the line then I'll take advantage of the fact that I met someone I truly care about. The chances of both of us still having feelings for eachother that far down the line is very rare, I do expect her to meet someone while in university and I don't necessarily plan on being with her but if I continue on liking or even loving this girl years later then I will act on it. Again I HIGHLY doubt that I will still have any feelings for her or her for me that far from now.

 

Your behaviors are more like that of a predator than a caring gf.

[Karen875]

I have a hard time believing this is even real. Reported thread to police in case it is. Just kidding. Or am I?

 

Are my thoughts moral? No. Are they legal? Yes. Even if the student was under 18, I didn't really do anything.

[writergal]

Are my thoughts moral? No. Are they legal? Yes. Even if the student was under 18, I didn't really do anything.

 

That has to be the DUMBEST response ever.

[Karen875]

I fail to see an issue if we end up having a relationship after a couple years.

[Bigcitydreamer]

People this thread is not real!!!

 

A 23 year old teacher who's a lesbian but only recently found out. She has a kid..and she likes an 18 year old student so the student must have failed a year.

 

Where there is smoke there is fire!

 

This story reeks of bull crap. I didn't buy it pages ago and I buy it even less now. Becoming a teacher is hard. It's not like anyone can be a teacher. I get that it's not the hardest degree but it takes dedication and commitment. How does one do that when they have a child? She must have had a lottttt of support and must have been really determined to be a teacher at 23 and have a kid!

 

Real life doesn't work this way. Even if someone bangs their student do you think they are 23 and have a kid also? This is way too much. The question is why would anyone make up such a bullsh*t story?

[Bigcitydreamer]

So this person had enough support to get through university with a child but not enough support to have someone watch her child for an hour?

 

Does anyone not see how this person isn't answering anyone's questions? And what a lovely coincidence that the student is 18? High school students are only 18 after January unless they failed. So what a nice coincidence that this student is of age! HaH pleasseee

[Karen875]

People this thread is not real!!!

 

A 23 year old teacher who's a lesbian but only recently found out. She has a kid..and she likes an 18 year old student so the student must have failed a year.

 

Where there is smoke there is fire!

 

This story reeks of bull crap. I didn't buy it pages ago and I buy it even less now. Becoming a teacher is hard. It's not like anyone can be a teacher. I get that it's not the hardest degree but it takes dedication and commitment. How does one do that when they have a child? She must have had a lottttt of support and must have been really determined to be a teacher at 23 and have a kid!

 

Real life doesn't work this way. Even if someone bangs their student do you think they are 23 and have a kid also? This is way too much. The question is why would anyone make up such a bullsh*t story?

 

1.I was aware of my sexual orientation when I was 17

 

2.Liking someone 5 years younger is not out of the ordinary

 

3.She didn't fail but is upgrading her grades

 

4.Yes I had plenty of support, I had my parents, grandparents, the father ( who was present at the time) and his family

 

People get through school with kids all the time, even with the hardest majors.

[Karen875]

So this person had enough support to get through university with a child but not enough support to have someone watch her child for an hour?

 

Does anyone not see how this person isn't answering anyone's questions? And what a lovely coincidence that the student is 18? High school students are only 18 after January unless they failed. So what a nice coincidence that this student is of age! HaH pleasseee

 

While in university I lived with my parents and around family. Today I live further away from family and close friends, so yes I had more support back then as I don't need as much of it today. There are also plenty of kids that are 18 and still in high school, whether it be because they failed or because they need better grades to get into the school they want.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Hello, highschool teacher here with a bit of an issue. There is a student in my class who seemed a little weird and doesn't have many friends so I befriended her by eating lunch with her sometimes and helping her with homework. I soon found that she was not weird at all but just... different. We began to hit it off and became really good friends and since we are both lesbians she usually comes to me for relationship advice. The other day she came to my class after school crying about her girlfriend cheating on her and I was so angry I shocked myself, but I was also happy in a way because she was now single. I felt horrible after feeling that way and tried to brush it off but a couple days ago we had this conversation: Student: Sorry I forgot my board again Me: Sometimes I think you forget that thing just to see me Student: Yeah just to see that horrible face Me: Haha you love my face Student: I love more than just your face That last comment made me blush and even turned me on a bit but I told her leave playfully so I wouldn't upset her although I was angry at her for making that comment. There are plenty of rumours going around of me and her sleeping together and scared of losing my job or worse. The student is graduating this school year so I can wait but Im scared if these rumours are already too widespread. What do I do?

 

 

 

I wish our society could be more fair to you in recognizing that your each being lesbians considerably restricts social possibilities out there for either of you.

 

However, you sooooooooooooooooooo need to toe the line, in not stepping over said line.

 

You know very well that part of teaching is getting to invest yourself with sincerity in hundreds upon hundreds of individual life stories all blending together at the same time. Society demands of you that you invest in the normal ways, and abstain from crossing the line. That should still be a "given" out there.

 

Maybe, at the very most, tell her that she needs to be both age 18 and graduated from your school before you would entertain social interactions with her.

 

Especially if that will get you out of the crucial jam that is ***temptation***

 

Put the line in the sand in the future, mildly-appropriate place... and buy your way out of the present.

 

Hopefully the girl will land another girlfriend soon and be inspired away from thoughts of being with you.

 

 

But for goodness sake, honor the line of what is appropriate there in school.

[Blade96]

Are my thoughts moral? No. Are they legal? Yes. Even if the student was under 18, I didn't really do anything.

 

Uh huh. That's what James Hooker said. "But - we didn't do anything when she was my student!"

 

If you aren't sure who he is, google him.

 

on the subject of how profs and teachers need to set boundaries and watch out for starry eyed newbs,

 

I'd advise teachers and profs to watch out for even older students sometimes. You remember I said half my Russian language class had a crush on our prof who was just 8 years my senior? Well I was very active in our Russian society and we often went out for drinks. One day I brought a friend of mine (she was in her 40's another university student from same university who trained at another department) |She hit on my prof so badly that the poor guy had to lock himself in his office which was not far away from where we were having our alcoholic party. Since I was a favorite of my Russian profs I went the next day and personally apologized to him for her behavior even though I had no idea she was going to do that. I felt so embarrassed for my poor prof and wanted to slide under the table with him cause I was the one who brought this nut.

Edited December 19, 2013 by Blade96

[Karen875]

Sorry don't buy it! Yes people can get through school with a child but those people are dedicated and responsible. How many people do you know that got a degree in the standard 4 years right after high school with a child in tow? If you know someone like this think about their personality. It would not match what you are portraying.

 

People like this do exist but there aren't many. And when you see someone like this they aren't someone who is like what you are describing! I'm well aware that all of these situations exist by themselves but when you add them all together it's clear that its a tall tale!

 

Teachers who hook up with their students do exist. I'm not denying this either. People justify their behaviour all of the time. But the circumstances that you are laying down are simply not realistic in the slightest.

 

How do you know I wasn't dedicated and responsible? Because of a few posts you read?

In all honesty I wasn't there for my son as much as some young mothers are while in school as my parents took care of him most of the time for his first two years making it a lot easier for me to get into the groove of things when starting out in university. I don't see how these circumstances are unrealistic either, I have seen much crazier these days.

At the end of the day it doesn't matter if you buy it or not, I already figured out what I am going to do in this situation after reading the posts and thinking about it myself.