BecomingABetterMe Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Posting here because it seems to be a more appropriate spot. My boyfriend and I dated for a little over a year. He went through a pretty brutal divorce the summer before we started dating and was cheated on in a very cruel way. I was very cautious of starting a relationship with someone who'd obviously been through a lot so recently, but he assured me that he was fine and had done his grieving over the summer. He was an amazing boyfriend for the first six months - very attentive and affectionate. The second six months he started pulling away and stopped making much effort. He finally admitted that he was still struggling with his feelings about the divorce. He needed a lot of space and time to himself. I felt like a weekend-only girlfriend, and even on the days we were supposed to spend together he'd spend 2-3 hours at the gym and putz around his house before spending time with me. He's a genuinely good person and I love him a lot, but I felt pretty neglected. I broke up with him last week, and he's spent the last six days asking if I'm really done with him. I finally said okay, if we still want to date in six months we can do that. We laid out some ground rules - I will not be having sex with him or anyone else (too emotionally confusing), we can still hang out occasionally, and are welcome to be friendly with each other's friends and family, and we will revisit a dating relationship in six months. I think being apart will allow me time to grow my self esteem, as it has been getting stronger for the last couple of years, and pursuing my own interests. And for him, he will be able to spend some time having independence and being single for the first time in seven years. I'm hoping time apart will give him a greater appreciation for me, let his desire for sex build again (being belittled, emasculated, and cheated on by his ex basically killed his sex drive), and allow him the space he keeps saying he needs. Do you all think a break like this could work? If you've done something like this in the past, what have you done that has or hasn't worked?
thompkevin Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 I think it's a great idea and it might just work. You don't have nothing to lose and it's better than immediately going back to a relationship that you were not satisfied with.
Author BecomingABetterMe Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 Exactly. Better to be single than in a relationship where your needs aren't being met.
Mariposa10 Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Exactly. Better to be single than in a relationship where your needs aren't being met. You seem to be extremely mature... I'm trying to learn to be like that...
Iguanna Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 What doesn't sit right with me is that he was a great partner on the first six months, while his wounds from the divorce were more close than six months later. How could he be great then and not after six months? My guess is that he wanted someone (you) to boost his confidence and help him recover and now that he feels better he wants to try doing stuff for himself. If I were you I would keep this in mind. Other than that 6 months is not much time, you don't have anything to lose.
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